It's the end of the summer as we know it!

It's Saturday, folks!  Time to just write whatever I want to write and you can't stop me!

Today marks my last official day of summer as I go back to work on Monday.  I am trying to think of something super fun and crazy to do today so I can go out with a bang.  But nothing is coming.  I suppose I'll write a post and go to the gym and fold some laundry and buy a few groceries.  You know, normal Saturday stuff.  Maybe I'll get real wild and try to sell some books to the used book store, now that's spicy!  Greg and I are going out to dinner and a movie tonight so that will be good enough for me.  Maybe I'll talk my sister into playing some tennis with me.

End of summer means time to look at the goals I made at the beginning of summer.  The original goals posted at the end of April are in black, and then the italic red is my assessment of them.  Anything that is crossed out is what I actually did.  It may be a bit painful...

READ.  Read a book a week.  That means 16 books from May to August.  On the list are:

1.  Silver Linings Playbook (May's blog book club selection)
2.  Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian (Reread. Young Adult- Banned Book club selection for May)
3.  Seriously, I'm Kidding (June's blog book club)
4.  The Help (Reread. July's blog book club)
5.  Life of Pi (August's blog book club) Currently reading
6.  Speak (Re read. Young Adult fiction- my seniors are reading this in May)
7.  The Happiness Project (Memoir/ Self Help- so interested in this book!)
8.  Autobiography of Malcolm X.  I've heard it's fascinating.
9.  Fast Food Nation (Non fiction.)
10.  Bird by Bird (Anne Lamott book on writing)  Started, but then had to return it to the library before I finished.  Will finish as soon as I get through the line at the library again.
11.  Z (Book about Zelda Fitzgerald- wife of The Great Gatsby author.  I just finished The Paris Wife about Ernest Hemingway's first wife and absolutely loved it.)  Checked out from the library, never got around to reading it.  Will read once I get through the library line again.
12.  Lolita (Heard it's weird, but feel like I need to read it.)
13.  Slaughterhouse Five. (Reread)
14.  Something by Hemingway... Possibly The Sun Also Rises.
15.  ???
16.  ???

Assessment:  I only completed 5 of the books on the list.  I did also read, however Sarah's Quilt, House on Mango Street, The Bean Tree, and Confessions of a Shopaholic, bringing my total of completed books up to nine.  I am about halfway through Life of Pi and Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter so I am hoping by the end of August to have finished at least 11 books, possibly 12.  Not quite the anticipated 16, but not terribly either.

WRITE.  I want to keep up with my schedule now of blogging five times a week.  I need to do more than just post on this blog, though.  I need to submit articles and guest posts to some of the big sites.  I would absolutely love to write for Babble, but first I would need to pitch some kind of amazing article idea to them. I'm drawing blanks.  I know there are plenty of places that pay for articles- I need to start submitting mine.  I am hoping summer will be a good time to really get my writing into gear.

Assessment:  I blogged five to six times this summer, but I didn't exactly put the petal to the metal like I had hoped to.  The problem is most people blog less in the summer, not more.  Readership was down, post ideas were down, and I just felt in an overall slump.  I thought I would be spending four or five hours every day on my blog and the reality was it was often all I could do to get the minimum post up.  I didn't pitch to Babble like I had wanted to, but I still plan to do this.  I did pitch guest posts about dealing with the loss of a parent to a couple of really big blogs that don't normally accept sponsorships.  I heard nothing back. Boo.  I did start a Summer link up (Throwback Thursdays) and organized a $1000 giveaway that has helped increase traffic and numbers.  Not a complete fail, but not a complete win either.

CAMP.  Go on at least one old school camping trip.  Tent and all.

Assessment:  This one is still on my to do list.  Don't know if it will happen as I told Greg I really want to go camping before the weather turns cool and he replied he kinda hates camping in tents. Boo.

GO ON A VACATION.  We've got tickets booked to Hawaii for the last week of June with Greg's family.  It'll cost us a couple of pennies, but what's the point of working every day if you don't have stuff like this to look forward to?

Finally!  Something I can check off!  Sure, we lost $1,100 on the way, but we still enjoyed a great vacation as seen here and here.

GET A TEACHING JOB IN CALIFORNIA   or...  ACCEPT THAT GOD MAY HAVE OTHER PLANS FOR ME AND BE OK IF I DON'T FIND A JOB.  The truth is that the job search for teaching positions in California is getting oh, so frustrating.  I have applied for 17 jobs (I'm a nerd and I write down every job I apply for) and haven't heard back from one of them.  It's a lesson in humility, a lesson in patience, a lesson in all sorts of things I don't have that God wants me to have.  I am trying my best to have faith and understand that God will watch and protect if I am doing everything I'm supposed to be doing.  He has a plan for us, even if I can't see it or understand it right now.

I sure didn't find a job in California, but I did comply with the "Accept that God may have other plans for me" part of this deal.  Greg I are certainly didn't see ourselves sticking around Utah, but for right now it feels like a perfect fit to us.  We're still not totally sure what the future holds for us but we're young and in love and the rest is just details.  In the meantime, I found a job at a high school that is closer to us and Greg is working with people with disabilities.  We're happy.

SERVE.  I used to be more giving of my time.  Now I am so selfish with it.  So utterly possessive of every minute I have.  I would like to start giving more time to others.  I used to volunteer with special needs kids for an hour a week, and although it certainly wasn't much, I felt like that one hour kept my life a little more balanced.  I need that in my life.

I feel like I totally failed on this one.  I did watch my brother's kid (the girl in the pictures at the top) a few days this summer and I gave the guys that fixed my tires some cheesecake bites.  Does that count?

GET GOOD AT TENNIS.  Last year I took beginning tennis lessons.  This summer I'm moving on to intermediate.  Greg beats me every time we play.  By the end of the summer it will be different.

This week I finally finally beat Greg in tennis.  Given, it was 6-5, but still, I'll take it!  I took intermediate lessons in June but had to miss about half of the lessons due to Hawaii and other things that got in the way.  I tried to sign up again in both July and August but the classes were cancelled.  Boo Orem Rec!  I try to play at least twice a week, but it can be hard to find people to play with me.

SAVE.   I don't want to work at a crappy restaurant or paint hot apartments all day like I did in summers' past, but I do want to pick up extra money and save for our big move.  The fact that I don't have a job secured yet has me a bit stressed about our financial situation.  We have saved and been smart with our money, but I am still hoping to pick up some extra work and put extra money away.  Anybody got any ideas of enjoyable part time summer work?

This one I can only half check off.  Or maybe quarter check off? I did get a job, was totally misled about what it would be, and quit after the first day.  With our scam situation we definitely didn't manage to put away as much money as I hoped, but we still saved a bit and are in a pretty comfortable position for the coming year, especially with both of us working and saving money this year.

SLEEP OUT ON THE TRAMPOLINE.  At least once.  It's summer!

Boom.  Done.  Picture to prove it.

Don't mind Greg, he just looks like a possessed demon is all.


LAUGH.  I guess the absolute truth is I am a little bit scared of summer.  Last summer was the most trying time of mine and Greg's marriage, and I am dreading a repeat.  The extra time in the summer makes me stir crazy.  Not having to go to work is awesome for about three weeks, but then I start to feel unproductive and grouchy and lazy.  I get cranky when I don't go to work.  Ain't that weird?  I am hoping to stay busy and productive this summer, but also to have fun and let myself relax too.  I want to go to the water park and watch movies late at night and play on the lawn with my nieces and nephews and just have a carefree summer like back in the day.  Is it possible?

This one I can check off a hundred times over.  This was the most fun summer I can remember for years.  Not having a job allowed me to be completely free with my time.  I was able to see lots of friends, go on vacation, play tennis to my heart's content, and even stay on top of stuff like keeping the house clean, blogging, and reading books.  I feel like Greg and I got so much closer this summer.  We have learned a lot in our 2 1/2 years of marriage, one thing being how to not kill each other when we have lots of time together.  Bring on Summer 2014!

And last but not least....

MOVE TO CALIFORNIA.  Boom, baby.

How about move to Lehi?  That we can do.

It's fun to look back over the goals for summer and see the anticipated summer versus the real summer.  It certainly didn't turn out totally like I planned, and God had a few lessons for us to learn along the way, but I love it as it is.  This summer will hold sweet memories for me, from tromping the beaches of Hawaii with my beau to playing Ticket to Ride with my mom on Sunday nights to finally learning how to pick out a decent watermelon.  It has been one for the books, no doubt.  I'm so grateful for the beauty and freedom of summer, but am ready for the next adventure in my life.  Ready for a new school, a new home, and who knows what other surprises are in store for us.

Interestingly enough, one of my favorite things this summer has been to be able to come to this space on Saturdays and just write whatever is on my heart.  It has felt so liberating and genuine and has made me fall in love again with blogging.  It occurred to me that this might not just be good for me, but all bloggers.  So I'm turning this into a link up.  A day to just write whatever you want.  You don't have to do it on Saturdays either, you can do it whenever you want.  After I created this button I realized it was a play on words and then I felt like a freaking genius.

So link up!  If you'd be so kind to include the button on your post when you link that would be awesome.  If not, it's all good.

For your weekend reading:

+ I got in some hot water a year ago for admitting I don't always put my shopping cart back in the corral.  Commenters ate me up!
+ I had a reader ask me if I had ever written anything about how to balance a full time job and a blog.  Why, yes, I have!
+ Examining why people cheat on their significant others.
+ If you haven't entered this $1000 giveaway yet, DO!  Anyone can win and it's so easy to enter.  Winner will be announced Wednesday.

Four days

Doing what I do best- scaring little children.

It's 9:02 and almost completely dark outside.  A sure sign that fall is on its way.  August is in full swing- gone are the days of June when it was dark until almost 10:00.  We're losing a little bit of daylight each day and slowly but surely, summer is coming to a close.

The weather has been high 80s and low 90s, a ten degree difference to what it was a month ago.  Only ten degrees, but ten degrees that certainly speaks of approaching fall.

I go back to work on Monday. What was once ten weeks of vacation has dwindled down to four days in the blink of an eye.  I thought I went back to school on Tuesday and I just found out it's Monday and somehow that one extra day out of my summer feels monstrous.  What was once four more days of freedom is only three and it's all ending so very soon.  All next week is orientation, meetings and classroom set up and then BAM, Monday the 19th rolls around and I'll have students flooding into my classroom with their new sneakers and backpacks, writing horny love notes to each other, and wondering who in the world am I to teach them jack squat about literature?

In some ways I'm ready.  Ready to wake up at 6 am and have long, productive mornings. Ready to meet new kids and and grade papers and watch as The Great Gatsby comes alive in front of my students.

In other ways I'm not ready.  Not ready to go to bed early, not ready to be done with vacations, not ready for the snow that always certainly inevitably comes.

I suppose now I'm going to go lie in bed with Greg and eat popcorn and diet coke while we watch movies on Netflix to our heart's content.  I'll stay up as late as I can so I can sleep in as late as I want because in three days there won't be any such freedom.  I wonder if this is how it feels days before you deliver your first baby?

In case any of you haven't gone on your summer vacation yet, here's a couple of words of advice- especially terrific if you are traveling in Europe.  I'm definitely not.  Not this summer at least.

P.S.  Make sure to enter the $1,000 giveaway if you haven't yet.  It's super easy to enter and you don't even have to have a blog.

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Holiday checklist: top things to think about before you go away

Holidays are supposed to offer a well-deserved rest, but the stress of arranging one can make a break more necessary than ever. To make your life easier, here are some key tasks that are best remembered before heading off for a break

Insurance

It might be tempting to join the 1.5m Brits who travel without insurance, but skipping this additional cost may be more expensive in the long run. Shop around and find a policy that will provide sufficient cover without charging you for inessentials. Money expert Martin Lewis recommends a policy with a minimum cover of £2m for medical expenses, £750 for baggage (unless yours is worth more) and cancellation cover for the cost of your holiday. This might seem like unnecessary hassle, but the stress and money you could save are priceless.

Money

It can be easy to overlook something we use without thinking, but don’t leave this to the last minute. Shop around for the best rates, and remember to check what you can get for your money in your holiday destination: is food going to be cheaper, or will you have to factor in more than you would at home? This extra research will make it easier to stick to a budget while you’re away.

Pets

If you can’t find a pet-loving friend to look after your animals, ask your vet to recommend a good kennel. Make sure you visit beforehand, and inquire about their experience and facilities. If you’re going away for a while, check your pet in for a weekend before you leave. This will get you and them used to the idea that they will be safe while staying away. The thought of a stranger looking after your pet might seem unsettling, but kennel staff are professionals who love animals, so who better to care for them if you can’t?

Holiday wardrobe

With everything else on your mind, it can be easy to forget the fun part of packing: your holiday wardrobe! If you’re busy running from the travel agents to the kennels, you can still make sure you’ll have the latest looks by home shopping with isme. You’ve got everything else covered, so don your kaftan, add a pair of shades and enjoy your well-deserved rest.

Throwback Thursday: Childhood Friends

Welcome to another round of Throwback Thursdays, folks! For those of you who are joining us for the first time, here's the rundown.

A SUMMER OF THROWBACK THURSDAYS

BLOG STYLE

Here's how it works:

1.  Every Thursday through August we'll be throwing it back here at thelifeofbon.com.  We want to see pictures of course, but we want the stories that go behind those pictures even more!  And because I'm a total control freak, I've even mapped out a nice little schedule for all of us.  I figure the prompts will make it easier to come up with something to write about every week.

TH  6/13  A memory of learning to drive, your first car or the early driving days.

TH  6/20  Elementary school crush

TH  6/27  Throwback birthday

TH  7/4   Throwback fourth of July

TH  7/11  First job

TH  7/18  Moving away from home

TH  7/25  Memory of one or both of your parents from childhood

TH  8/1   Favorite summer vacation

TH  8/8   Childhood friends

TH  8/15  First kiss

TH  8/22  Memory of a high school teacher or high school class

TH  8/29  Back to school memory

The truth is, I'm kind of tired of Throwback Thursdays.  Like, I don't want to do it anymore.  I just want to post what I want to post and not have to stick to some awful schedule!  The worst part about it all is that I made the schedule up so I've got no one to blame but myself.  It's pretty typical of me, to throw myself head first into something and then decide a few weeks later that I'm not that into it.  

Because of that (and because it's 11:32 pm) I am going to keep this kind of short.  Today's topic is childhood friends and the truth is I have been extremely blessed with my friends over the years.  I am an extroverted extroverted extrovert who loves crowds, people and parties.  Get the picture?  I crave social interaction to a fault.  Everywhere I go I try to find friends, because, HELLO, friends are awesome!

This has turned out to be a huge blessing for me because in every stage of life I have found myself with amazing friends.  Especially as I have gotten older, I have come to value my friendships more and more. My college roommates and friends helped me through the most difficult experiences of my life thus far.  I have some of the best, most loyal, most kind friends in this world.  Not to mention fun, outgoing, and crazy.  

When it comes to friendships I believe in karma all the way.  Besides my family, my friends mean more to me than any people in this world.  So I try to treat them as such.  My brother claims friendship is a "matter of convenience"- meaning you are friends with whoever is around you.  I agree only a little bit, I will go to extremely inconvenient lengths for some of my best friends.  I do my best to call friends on birthdays, (even though I hate talking on the phone) attend weddings, plan trips to see them, and support them through the tough times.  One thing that drives me nuts is when people act like a change in marital status or a baby ends a friendship.  It doesn't.  Period.

Anyway, I ranted long enough.  Basically, if you want to have good friends you have to be a good friend.  It's not always easy, and it's not always convenient, but I've learned that it is a blessing beyond measure to have them by your side.

I LOVE YOU AKASHA AMY ASHLEY  BROOKE CHARLOTTE COURTNEY DALLIN HOLLY JANET KRISTEN MANDY SALLY VANESSA and consider you some of the greatest blessings God has ever given me.  (Also I alphabetized that list so that you didn't think I was choosing favorites.)

Bachelorette Gossip + $1,000 giveaway

First things first and the very first thing is that I absolutely have to talk to someone about The Bachelorette!  I watched the finale about 20 hours late and have therefore been avoiding the internet and all social media like the plague.  Now that I have actually watched it in its entirety, I am dying for some girl gossip!

The truth is I didn't like Desiree much at all.  I thought she was a very boring Bachelorette and it drove me crazy how she would say, "Oh, that's so cute," every time a guy would pour our his heart and soul to her.  I was mostly watching this season because it's tradition and because the guys were semi interesting.  I couldn't have cared less what happened to old Des.  And then, all of a sudden, I cared.  Brooks broke her heart and she just looked so pathetic and vulnerable, and wow!  Did I care!  I was ready to lead an army in the name of girls everywhere who have had their hearts broken by cute commitment phobes.  No girl deserves to feel heart broken even if she did just travel the world and make a buttload of money off of a TV show and get a huge budget for clothes alone and get to pick from 25 good loo.... okay maybe I don't feel as bad for her as I thought I did.

The point is, for such a boring season, it certainly delivered at the end.  I am pretty freaking stoked when it all worked out for her and Chris.  "Worked out" being a very loose term because we all know about The Bachelor's track records.  Still, their proposal was incredibly romantic and I might have cried just a little bit but don't tell anyone because that's just ridiculous. 

Also Juan Pablo as the next Bachelor?  I don't think any one is surprised on that one.  They were prepping him so hard core during The Men Tell All, it was pretty obvious what their goal was.  Still, I'm not opposed.  I'm guessing Bachelor's ratings must be at an all time low if they are already announcing the Bachelor for a season that doesn't even start until January.  

Phew.  I'm done.  I feel like my Bachelor need to gossip has been satisfied.  Oh- one last thing- I loved Brooks hair cut and scruff when he came out for the After the Final Rose.  Hubba Hubba!

Now I'm really done.

On to bigger and better things!  Thursday I was driving along and heard a radio announcement for a $1,000 back to school contest, and I thought to myself, "I sure would love to win $1,000 for back to school shopping."  Then I thought, "What if I gave $1,000 for back to school shopping?!?"  I proceeded to email all my favorite bloggers, ones who I know have loving and dedicated readers and who would be on board for a giveaway in four days.  Below are the chicas who said yes, and I couldn't be more excited.  I've got 20 of the best bloggers (and the most spur of the moment, down for anything bloggers!) on the internet today and I am so grateful for their willingness to pull this bad boy together.  In four days!  Here we are!

Enter below through the rafflecopter. Good luck ladies!

The Life of Bon// The Daily Tay// Two Thirds Hazel

Freckled Italian// Because of Jackie// Sophistifunk

Venus Trapped in Mars// The Road Less Traveled// Bella

For Lauren and Lauren// Sami's Shenanigans// Back East Blonde

A Complete Waste of Make Up// Pretty in Pink Megan// Lipgloss and Crayons

Helene in Between// Shannon Hearts// Freckled Fox

Living in Yellow// Crowley Party

Winner will be announced on Wednesday, August 14th.  International readers may enter, but the prize will be sent in the form of a $1,000 visa gift card in American dollars.  ALL ENTRIES WILL BE VERIFIED. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Bonnie, it's your birthday!

Yesterday was Baby Bonnie's first birthday and let me tell you, it was an event to remember.

Baby Bonnie is my best friend, Amy's, child.  We have to call her Baby Bonnie or else we get her confused with me.  For a while there people started calling us big Bonnie and little Bonnie but you better believe I put a stop to that immediately.  I ain't never going to have a "Big" in front of my name, I don't care how old or how fat I get.

I like Baby Bonnie quite a bit.  To start with, she's named after me, so obviously she's awesome. Secondly, she's active as all get out and always running around getting into mischief.  Just like her namesake. Thirdly, she eats everything in sight and makes no apologies.  What a girl!

I'm not sure when it became a thing to throw big shindigs for one year olds, but I'm all about it.  Barbeque, cupcakes and throwing frisbees in the park all in the name of some 12 month old who doesn't have a clue in the world what is going on?  Sure, why not.

It's kind of crazy to watch my best friend be a mom and parent to this busy child who cries for no reason and eats bugs and makes terribly awful smells.  I mean, who can understand a baby?  And yet my bestie spends all day every day not only trying to understand the little one, but feeding her, bathing her, putting her to bed, etc.  All of this service from a girl who it seems like yesterday was running around with me in a bikini and trying to date boys so they would take her out on their boat.  My.  Somehow we grew up.

Amy and Cody are very adoring parents.  It is a little weird to be non parents and watch your friends who also used to be non parents with you suddenly become parents.  And now they're doing all the parent things we all used to agree were totally ridiculous.  Like talk in baby voices and schedule all plans around nap time. Also Amy lets Baby Bonnie scream into Amy's mouth and Cody just looks on and laughs uncontrollably at it all which is very weird to someone like me who has no children.  But I guess as weird as it is, it is also very sweet and assuring to see a baby who has two parents who are so freaking crazy about her.  I get convinced our whole society is going to pot with media now days and drugs on every corner and scammers up the ying yang. But then I see two parents like this, who are so wildly in love with their child, and I think maybe we're all going to end up okay after all.

It reminds me of a journal entry I was reading last week.  I was a junior in high school and madly in love with a boy named Nate.  I thought about him constantly, stalked him at church, doodled his name in my notebook. Junior year I had trigonometry with him and I flirted the best an awkward, never-been-kissed sixteen year old can flirt.  Somehow word got around that he liked me back and I was in absolute heaven.  He had never been kissed either, and I was convinced we were to be each other's first kisses.

The big girl's choice dance was coming up (I promise this tangent has a purpose.  Or does it?) and two months before the dance even arrived I was making big plans to ask Nate.  This would be our moment.  Our dance, our perfect date, the ideal first kiss situation.  But then Nate got asked by another girl.  He went with her.  They kissed.  My pure, virginal, perfect boy was tainted.

I was heartbroken.  Absolutely devastated.  Not only had they kissed, but they were now dating, taking the crush of my lifetime officially off the market.  I wrote this in my journal the night I found out: "Mom and dad could tell something was wrong at dinner so I told them.  Surprisingly, they cheered me up.  Dad said, "He's got a squeaky voice anyways," and then mom said, "and besides that he never speaks up and his nose is crooked!"  I guess my folks can be alright.  Mom reminded me to keep it all in perspective."

I guess I love this story because on the surface it seems so simple and ordinary, but it shows clearly how much my parents loved me. (And still love me.)  How they adored me, just like Amy and Cody adore Baby Bonnie.  And how they were trying to protect me and stop me from crying and keep me happy and all of those things that parents want for their children, whether they're one year old or sixteen years old.

There is a lot I would have liked to tell Baby Bonnie on her birthday, but she don't understand jack crap and she was too busy destroying her birthday cake anyway.  But if I could have, I would have told her that no matter how freaking tough life gets she'll be just fine because she's got two parents who are absolutely, one hundred percent, madly in love with her and they will help her through all the rough times.

Take it from a Bonnie who knows.

Less committed

I was thinking about our marriage the other day and I said to Greg, "We sure have come a long way, haven't we?"  I don't want to brag or anything, but sheesh, Greg and I have put a lot of work in our marriage.  I don't know that we are the two easiest people to get along with.  We both fight hard.  We are both opinionated.  We are both passionate.  Our first year of marriage was bumpy.  Nothing serious, just bump, bump, bump.  We were figuring each other out and learning the impossible truth that we might not be perfect. When we argued, we stayed mad at each other all night, and sometimes even into the next day. We refused to bend on the smallest issues.  We were never flexible with each other's plans or schedules.  Neither of us wanted to be the first one to say sorry.  Sorry meant weakness.

It took a lot of months and a few arguments to figure out how to disagree, how to treat each other when we're grumpy, how to compromise.  Each month of marriage gets easier and happier.  The longer we're married, the more secure I feel in the marriage.  I would never want to go back to those first months of marriage- no matter how exciting and new everything was.  We have worked too hard to go back.

"Remember how brutal our fights were?"  I asked Greg, "We wouldn't talk to each other for several hours?  Sometimes into the next day?"

"Yes..." he said slowly.  "We were much more committed to our fights back then."

Committed.  What a funny word to use, I thought.  I always think of commitments as positive- committed to your work, your family, your responsibilities.

I couldn't help but think of other commitments I have that are dragging me down.  Hurting me.  Heavens knows that my marriage got a lot easier when I started to be less committed to our fights.
I sat down and wrote out a list of some commitments I am going to drop, if you don't mind.  After all, I can only be so committed...

I WANT TO BE:

Less committed to complaining.
Less committed to Instagram.
Less committed to my pride.
Less committed to getting my feelings hurt.
Less committed to Bachelorette.
Less committed to nagging for little things.
Less committed to driving fast.
Less committed to leaving five minutes late for everything.
Less committed to trying to control everything.
Less committed to making sure everyone knows how hard I work.
Less committed to trying to make other people's decisions for them.
Less committed to worrying about the future.

What are you going to be less committed to?  Come on, let's all throw away our commitments together!

Little of this, little of that.

It's Saturday and that means I get to just write.

No topic, no sponsor, nothing I absolutely have to include, just write.

I was pretty overwhelmed by the comments I received on yesterday's post.  The amount of readers who sent love and who shared similar stories was humbling.  I kind of hated reading all of your awful stories of how you had been swindled in your own way, but I also kind of loved it.  Like we were joining together to share our stories of woe and hopefully heal somehow in the telling of it.  I couldn't help but think yesterday as I read over the comments that this is what blogging is all about.  About sharing stories and experiences, good or bad, and feeling support.  So thank you.

Last night Greg and I watched Lars and the Real Girl.  Have you seen it?  It's fascinating. Ryan Gosling is in it so that alone is a reason to watch it tonight.  The story is about a very socially awkward man who gets a life sized doll and pretends it is his girlfriend.  Mostly the boy is lonely and sad and wants to give and receive love.  He's also very delusional.  The acting is terrific and the flick is clean and terribly interesting.  So if you're sitting around with nothing to do tonight...  It's on Netflix.

You didn't know this was going to be a movie review, did you?  Neither did I.

What's the deal with GFC?  Does anyone use it anymore to look at blogs?  Back in the day that was all I used- I never was a google reader fan.  I switched over to Bloglovin about a year ago but I can't figure out if it's even relevant to have GFC anymore.  Your thoughts?

I'm starting to feel excited about blogging again.  For several weeks there I wasn't excited about it anymore.  It had just become a chore.  I can't figure out if it was a summer slump or overscheduling the blog or what, but I wasn't excited about it anymore.  And now I am.

Yesterday I went to the new rec center in town with two of my best friends.  Crazy A lives a few miles away so I see her all the time, but Akasha lives in California and I only get to see her once or twice a year.  She's pretty much the sweetest most mellow person in the world even though she has a name that makes her sound like a strong sassy black woman.  But she's not.  She's a skinny white nice woman.

Akasha, me, Amy.
You can find my suit here.  You can find Amy's suit here.  Akasha has no idea where she got her swimsuit because she has three kids under five and that's not the most important thing to her nowadays.  As it should be.

Seven years ago (Wow, seven?!?) the three of us lived in an apartment together.  We lived together only for the summer, somehow the stars aligned.  None of us were taking classes and we all three worked at restaurants.  Our schedules went like this: wake up at noon.  Go to pool until 3:30.  Go to work at 4:00.  Come home from work at 10:30.  Hang out with friends until 4 am.  Repeat.  It was wild.  We all had dumb boyfriends who we eventually figured out were nowhere close to cool enough to marry, but it was spending the summer with each other that was so magical.

Oh, we also adopted a cat that summer.  We were definitely not supposed to have her in our apartment.  She whined all night and we kind of hated her.  We taped tape to her paws and watch her freak out.  I am not proud of this now.  One day I was packing to go camping and left the front door open while I was loading my stuff.  We never saw that cat again.  R.I.P. Delilah

As you can see we've really grown up and matured alot since then...

July 2006

July 2013

For your weekend reading:
+ One of my favorite posts to write, a satire on how to catch a husband.
+ I wrote this post a year ago analyzing the pros and cons of blogging.  I still don't have definite answers.
+ A post in which I take five children out rafting on the lake during a thunderstorm.
+ My theories on Bachelorette from one year ago.
+ Loved this post from Motley Mama on girl code.  Do you agree?

We got scammed, we got scammed, we got scammed scammed scammed.

I got scammed out of $1,100.  That is money I worked my butt off for and it is money I will never see again.  It happened in mid June and I wanted to write about it.  I wanted to let my blog feel how devastated I was, to share with strangers my story, to let my fingers heal the experience through the writing of it.

But I couldn't.  I don't know why, but I can't write well when I am highly emotional.  I have to be in a calm state of mind.  To some extent I have to detach myself from the experience to be able to write about it.  The first time I mentioned my dad's death on this blog was two years after he died.  It took me that long to be emotionally ready to write about it.

That is why I haven't written yet about how I got scammed.  I decided to give it a couple weeks before I was ready.  Then a couple more.  And maybe one more.

Now I feel ready.  Mostly I need some kind of closure on the experience- to tell it in its fullest and then move on forever from the experience.

There are two versions of this story and I'm not sure which one you want to hear so I will tell them both to you.

Version #1:  The short version-

I got scammed out of $1,100

Version #2: The long version-

In March, Greg and I decided to go to Hawaii with Greg's family.  His brother and wife would be moving out of state and it seemed like a good opportunity to gather us all together for some quality bonding time before they bailed on us.  I didn't want to get ripped off on some crappy hotel in Waikiki, and since I had lived in Hawaii before I figured I would take it upon myself to find us a place to stay.

There were three couples and no kids-  a condo would be perfect.  I googled "rent condo on Oahu" and went to some classic safe "rent a condo" sites like airbnb and homeaway.

I clicked on this link and thought the place looked nice- especially for $1,500 for the week.  That would only be about $500 a couple.  Score!

Looks, great, right?

So I pushed the little tab on airbnb.com that says "Contact me" to send a message to the owner.  I stated I was very interested, would like to know more, yada, yada, yada.

The next day I got an email in my personal inbox.  The owner stated the condo was available the week we were looking at but another family was also looking at it.  She also told me we would get a 30% discount since it was during the "off season" making the total $1,100.

"Freak, guys, I'm a genius!" I thought.  "I'm so good at this people should pay me to do it for them!  Less than $400 a couple to stay the week- yes I am amazing and people are lucky to know me!"  You know, normal stuff you think when you find a condo at a great deal.

I emailed back, said we would take it, and she said she would send us over a contract.  Her email looked super legit.  Just so you believe me how legit it was I'm going to copy and paste some of the details.

We have a special offer. The breakdown would be as follows:

$ 1,560.00 ( 7 nights )
$ 0.00 (Departure Cleaning Fee)
------------
$ 1,560.00 +
- 30% (Discount for special offer only)
------------
$ 1,092.00 (TOTAL/Tax included)

Cancellation 100% refundable 15 Days prior to arrival.

Rate is inclusive of:
- Hawaii tax
- Airport transfers, round trip (one time from and one time to airport)
- Wireless internet access (unlimited internet usage)
- Free Laundry service
- Daily housekeeping
- Car - Ford Galaxy (excludes petrol cost)

For this special offer payment of $ 1,092.00 must be completed within 7days (to secure
this booking).

If you would like to proceed I will just need your home address for the contract and I
will forward as e-mail attachment.

Airport Transfers:
Through popular demand we are offering Round trip airport transfers by our private driver
to pick-you up at the airport upon your arrival (he will be outside with a
sign that has your name on it) then check you in and bring up your bags and groceries. Upon your agreed
departure time, he will return to the villa, load up all your suitcases and bring you back
to the airport for your departure flight.

Check in & check out:
Check in time is 3 pm and check out 11 am (there is a flexibility  in case your plane
leaves or arrives at different times) to give the cleaning person a chance to properly
prepare the villa for my next guest.

Please let me know if you have any questions and how I can further assist you.

We look forward to being of service to you.

Kind regards,

Melissa Randy
Owner/Manager

She sent us over the contract with all the details.  I've never signed a contract for staying anywhere for a week, but I figured, whatevs.  Can't hurt.  The contract gave us all of her bank account info and stated that to reserve the condo we needed to wire the money over.

I realize now that this should have alerted me.  But I was innocent and naive and too trusting.  Anytime I've ever booked a place to stay, a flight, bought anything online I've always paid for a credit card or paypal so I should have known this was off.  I guess I just figured that since it was independently done and not by a big business they required the money just be sent directly over.

So that week I headed on down to Chase, my bank, and wired the money on over.  Not just my money, but my mother in law's money and my sister in law's money.  I took it all and sent it over and even paid the $40 fee to wire money internationally.

Yep.  She was having me send the money internationally.  Obviously this should have been my red flad number two.  Why was I sending the money to London?  But everything still seemed super legit.  The owner had signed a contract, there was a number to contact her, it was through airnbnb, a safe and trusted site.  I was fine.

So I sent that money on over, Greg at my side when we did it.  We smiled thinking about where that money was going- a condo for a week in Hawaii!  We were so lucky.

And that was it.  The money was sent in March along with the contract and we were good to go.

Three months later, Greg and I were getting ready to head out to Hawaii.  It was a Wednesday.  We were going to my cabin for a family reunion from Thursday to Saturday and then Saturday we were to drive to Boise (6 hour drive) where we would catch our flight to Hawaii on Sunday morning.  Who doesn't love summer and vacations and road trips and cabins?  Everything was great!

Tuesday night I sent an email to Melissa with our flight plans and asking if there was anything else we needed to take care of before we got there.

Wednesday morning I sat in my classroom at my new school.  I tried to be super productive and get everything taken care of before we left town for 10 days.  I organized books, tried to figure out the layout of my new classroom, and also looked for a place of silence for a few hours so I could answer emails, schedule blog posts, etc.

Ping.  From the corner of my eye I saw that I had gotten a new email.  I clicked over, my mind always happy for a distraction, to read this:

Hello,

I'm the manager of the resort.
Melissa is not available for the moment.

We want to inform you that the resort suffered a fire and is destroyed 70%.

The persons that was there, forgot something deteriorated plugged in and caused the fire.

I am sorry to announce you that the booking will be canceled and the money will come back in your account + the money that you paid for the fly tickets.

Please reply with the sum that you pay for the fly ticket and your bank account details so we can give you all your money back.


Thank you for your understanding.
Frank

Now I might have been stupid enough to wire money internationally to book a condo, but I was smart enough to realize that there was something majorly wrong with this email.  I emailed back right away, demanding to know why we were not alerted of this sooner, but in the back of my head I knew the money was gone, knew we were going to Hawaii in three days and had no place to stay, and knew I had been totally scammed.

I called Greg right away.  He thought I was playing a prank on him.  Because that sort of crazy, dramatic stuff doesn't happen in real life, right?

At that point I knew I wasn't going to get a thing done in my classroom, so I grabbed my stuff and headed home.  I didn't cry on the way home, just focused and concentrated on finding solutions.  I'd fix this. My mom was at the cabin already where she couldn't get service. I didn't feel like we could tell Greg's family yet because we had just totally lost all of their money. I was desperate for a responsible adult to talk to, someone to talk to me rationally, to calm me down, someone older and wiser who would know what to do in this situation.

I called my brother.  No answer.  I called my lawyer friend in Arizona.  No answer.  I tried my mom even though I knew she wouldn't answer.  A desperate attempt.

Once I got home, it took both Greg and I several minutes to start thinking rationally and calmly.  Panic mode sets in and it's hard to get your brain to act, you know?  I had emailed back "Melissa" about three times and received no response.  I knew I never would.  I called airbnb to report the scam and to see what they could do. They basically replied that they could do absolutely nothing as I was not a registered user of their site. They had no record of any of my correspondence with "Melissa".  Yes, because she emailed me at my personal email I told them.  We went in circles for close to an hour with no solution.  When it came down to it, the guy basically told me that they couldn't help me because everything was done off the site. They didn't even have a record of my first initial attempt to contact her within the site.  As far as they know I could be making the whole thing up so they couldn't help me.  I understand that if I don't have an account with them there isn't they can do to help me, but the fact of the matter is a scammer successfully used their site and information I gave on that site to get my money.  They didn't seem too concerned.  (I talked to them again this week- they won't even take the page down as they continue to claim it's legit...)

Next I called Chase to see if they could help me out.  I had transferred the money from my Chase account, after all.  (Looking back and realizing what happened, I am a little frustrated that the Chase banker helping me to transfer the money didn't warn me at all.  I was sending $1,100 internationally to reserve a week at a condo?  Shouldn't bankers of all people know that that is suspicious activity?)  Chase basically washed their hands of the matter, saying the money had been gone for months and there was nothing they could do.

"Can't you figure out whose bank account it went into and demand the money back?"
"No, ma'am.  Their bank will protect them."
"You didn't protect me!"
"Ma'am, I'm sorry.  We can't access someone else's account who doesn't bank with us.  Besides the account has probably been closed for months by now."
"So you're saying there's nothing you can do about it?"
"I'm sorry, ma'am."

I don't blame Chase, I suppose I am just confused.  Anyone I have told this story to with two bits of sense has replied, "Why did you transfer money directly?  Never do that!  Pay with a credit card or something that will protect you.  NEVER TRANSFER MONEY DIRECTLY FROM YOUR ACCOUNT!"  So why wouldn't a Chase employee have told me...?

I called the resort where the condo was supposedly located to ask if there had been a fire lately. Naturally, they said no.

I called the number on the contract for "Melissa."  I called internationally, not caring the extra fees, the extra numbers to dial.

Dead end. Dead end. Dead end.

And just like that, the truth dropped heavily into my lap.  In the back of my brain I had known for hours what had happened, but now my heart accepted it too.  Accepted that I would more than likely never see that money again, that I had been taken advantage of, that I had willingly given my money to a crook.  I buried my head in the bed and burst into tears.  I had been stoic up unto this point- not a tear, not a crack.  Now the walls came down and I let the emotions and the stress and the feeling of utter stupidity and failure wash over me completely.

"I'm so sorry, Greg.  I'm so so so sorry," I cried into the pillow. "I lost our money.  I lost our family's money."  He hugged me and put my hair behind my ear and told me that we would be fine.  But I couldn't help it.  I felt so defeated, so stupid, so naive. I felt like an idiot as I thought back to this post where I made fun of people who fall for scams. I was embarrassed to have lost his family's money, to have allowed them to put their trust in me when I clearly didn't know what I was doing.

I pulled myself together enough to face the immediate future.  We were leaving to Hawaii in three days and had no place to stay.  We surfed the web, found a couple of expensive rooms in Waikiki, paid with a credit card, and tried not to wince as we looked at the extra thousand plus dollars being added to our monthly credit statement.  It ain't no thing, right?

With that done we were free to leave the computers and the phones and get away from the madness for a minute.  We stepped out of the house and into the blazing hot afternoon, as if the heat were mocking our pain.  We drove to Maverick and bought a soda and drove aimlessly around town.  I don't know why the house felt so oppressive, so heavy, but we couldn't stay there.  We had nowhere else to go so we drove.

More than anything else I felt vulnerable.  Taken advantage of.  Scared.

"It's not a tragedy," Greg said as we drove.  "It's just money.  Money comes and goes and you can always make more money.  But we have the most important things in life that can't be replaced.  We have a happy marriage.  We have our health.  We have our families.  It's just money."

Yep.  Just money.

Still, it might make me feel a little better if you could all tell me all the money you've blown on scams and schemes.  Even if you haven't, maybe you could just make something up.