The Life of Bon: Why do people cheat?

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Why do people cheat?

It's a sick, sick world we live in, folks.

By now, most have you have probably heard about the whole "Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson" debacle.  Most likely you don't care.  After all, if you're anything like me, you probably think Kristin Stewart is an insult to the craft of acting and Stephanie Meyer a poor excuse for a writer.  If you disagree, you might have stumbled upon the wrong blog entirely.

A quick run down on the cheating tragedy for those of you who have been living in a cave the past two weeks:
1.  Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson starred in the infamous Twilight movies together.
2.  They are dating in real life and have been for three years.
3.  They were very much so "in love."
4.  Kristen Stewart was seen kissing another man- a man who was the director for her movie, Snow White and the Huntsman and a man who is married with two kids.  The two were reportedly having an affair.
5.  Did I mention the dude has two kids?
6.  Did I mention his wife is a supermodel?
7.  Did I mention he's twice Stewart's age?
8.  Stewart confessed and apologized to Pattinson, begging for forgiveness.
9.  Stewart issued a public apology for the scandal.
10. Stewart is currently trying to convince Pattinson to give her another chance.

Most likely you could't care less about all this hooplah.  Neither could I until I read an interesting article in People magazine while perusing casually around the grocery store.  Given your reaction to my confession of not always returning my grocery cart, I am guessing you readers are going to be armed with machetes, ready to tear Stewart to pieces for this sin.

Before you begin digging at her flesh, I have a few questions.  This post is not designed to be judgmental in nature, none of this, "She's the whore of all the earth!" or "How could she?!?" crapola.  We all know that cheating is wrong and we don't need countless blog commenters to point that out.  I guess what I want to know is why.  Why do people cheat?  It is something that I completely don't understand.  Maybe this is my naivete speaking, but if you don't want to be in a committed relationship, don't be in one.  If you do, do.  But decide one way or the other.  No one forces you in.  No one forces you to stay.

Stewart chose to be in a relationship with Pattinson.  If she was unhappy in the relationship then it would have been right to end it before getting involved with someone else.  I just don't understand how you could purposely hurt someone that you care about and who obviously cares about you so deeply.  In her public apology, Stewart stated she had "jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob.  I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry."

Then why did she do it?!?

And that's where I just don't get it.

You don't do that to someone you love.

If I have enough self control to pull myself out of bed every morning at 5:45, then certainly this chick can have enough self control to remember which guy she is kissing, right?

I would love comments or perspectives.  I have long been fascinated by scandals of this nature- mostly because I don't understand them one bit.  What is the motive for someone to do that?  How does someone let that happen?  Is it due to insecurities or vulnerabilities in their own lives?  Or just selfishness?

Ready with your stones of judgment, readers?

and..... THROW!


  1. Crapola. I need to hear that word more often in life. Oh, and K Stew is an insult to vampires every where.

  2. I love your blogs. They are honest & down to earth.
    I don't understand the nature of relationships that end in cheating either. I do, however, believe it's a moment of truth. You can either cross that line & give in to the 'other' or you can raise your head stand by the commitment you've made.
    To some I guess it's the rush of testing those boundaries & the rush of 'getting caught'. I'm with you.. if you can't keep from climbing all over some one (else) then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your current relationship & morales.
    It's not the rich & famous that shock me.. it's the everyday 9-5ers that do this. It's so immature & catty *for lack of a better word.
    So Kudo's to you for shinning some light on a epedimic that is becoming so 'eeh'. We should b taking our relationships more seriously..

  3. One thing I don't understand is why the Director cheated as well? His wife is SUPER MODEL, He is a Director and has two kids! This guy has it all and he cheats! on Kirsten Stewart No less, I would like to know why this guy isn't being beaten down for this. He is the one was Married... I mean they are both in the wrong, but I don't know how one person can even fathom cheating. That word is just not in my vocab.

  4. One thing I don't understand is why the Director cheated as well? His wife is SUPER MODEL, He is a Director and has two kids! This guy has it all and he cheats! on Kirsten Stewart No less, I would like to know why this guy isn't being beaten down for this. He is the one was Married... I mean they are both in the wrong, but I don't know how one person can even fathom cheating. That word is just not in my vocab.

  5. You ma'am have summed up my feelings to a T. I literally feel exactly the same way as you - I can't understand why people cheat either! You make an excellent point that one chooses to be in a relationship, and can just as easily choose not to be in one. I for one, don't understand why others cheat either.

    I found out about six months ago that a guy I dated for more than a year, three years ago (got that?), had cheated on me for the last month of our relationship. Six months ago he finally confessed about it, saying that we'd been on the rocks for a while, and while he was hoping I was going to change (long story), his ex was "there for him" in a way that I wasn't. That's one excuse, and there are a million more, I'm sure. Emphasis on choice of the word EXCUSE and not REASON, since there is no reason to cheat on someone.

    Anyhow, just my two cents. :)

  6. Hmm yes I think selfishness is what it amounts too. I've been a cheater in the past, a lot, and never regretted it, and I'm a very selfish person, so that's really the only explanation I have for someone who doesn't understand it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish either, provided you don't hurt anyone you care about. I'm sure it's harder for Kristen to do that, being in the public eye and all.

  7. In my opinion, she was a bit seflish, but I would rather called her immature and "was not thinking about the consequences enough", which is also a part of immaturity. In real life people, people usually cheat when they are not satisfied enough in the relationship. Why don`t they work on those problems in the relationship, I`ll never understand?! And if there`s everything well in their relationship, we are agaon back on their selfishness and immaturity, as a cause for the infidelity :)

  8. "After all, if you're anything like me, you probably think Kristin Stewart is an insult to the craft of acting and Stephanie Meyer a poor excuse for a writer" SO AGREE! lol

    yeah...I don't get into the Hollywood drama all. But I did hear about this on the web somewhere when it all happened a while ago. I think it's ridiculous that people get so upset about her cheating on Pattinson -- because it's not the cheating they are upset about, it's that they are the "Brangelina" (or Dezi & Lucy) where the whole world expects them to stay together because they are so famous and play "in love" on a movie/show. Seriously, the poor girl DOES NOT have to marry this guy just bc they were in a movie together! The cheating (ESPECIALLY because it was a married man), is so wrong....but if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him...oh well.

    p.s. No rocks! :)

  9. I like what you wrote about choosing what one really wants. A loyal person shouldn't have to put through something like this by their partner.

  10. Honestly, I don't know. And what I've always though too is how do you go home to the other person and act like everything is fine? I do have some thoughts on this one though. It's no excuse for cheating, but she's 22. The director is how much older than her? And has a wife and children. He should have never let it happen, and in some ways I feel like he is super manipulative. She shouldn't have fallen for it though. I do feel like the media has put all the blame on her, and I don't think thats fair. They both share the blame. But again, she's a 22 girl with a boyfriend, he's a grown man with a wife and kids. He should have known better. Even more than she did.

  11. I'll admit that I have cheated on one of my past boyfriends. It's not something I'm proud of, at all. It kinda makes me feel gross to be honest.

    I was 17 at the time, so I blame part of it on just pure immaturity. But I was also in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship. And the few times I tried to break up with my boyfriend, he would begin threatening to hurt me, himself, or parts of my family.
    So the second I started to receive any kind of positive attention from another guy, I caved. Needless to say, it only got worse when the cat was let out of the bag.

    I think people that cheat are lacking something in their relationships that they are seeking out in someone else. It may not even be a BAD relationship, but there's just something.. missing. Still doesn't make it right, obviously.

  12. Bahaha... I think K.S. is one of the worst actresses I've ever seen act. If I hadn't read the Twilight Series and loved it so much (Sorry, but Stephanie Meyers books are wonderful. Did you read The Host?) the moment I sat down to watch the first movie I would have turned it off after cursing myself for wasting 20 minutes of my life on such a horrible film.

    Anywho. Cheating. I totally get why people cheat. For one, they are totally insecure and in that insecurity they beg to have constant attention and the reminder that their 'love' is perfect and true. When cheating this taboo relationship is new, it's exciting, it's a rush and well...most people have to admit that doing something 'bad' is fun sometimes. People cheat because they don't want to face the reality that all relationships take work and that there are different stages of love and that 'puppy love' usually gives us that initial rush without the work. Does that makes sense?

    I love your blogs. Ser'sly.

  13. I'm not gonna lie, I've been the cheater before. At the time, I was a teenager and didn't really see it as a huge deal. I did it because I was over the relationship that I was in and didn't want to break the guy's heart. To this day I still don't think he knows about it. I feel awful about it. =/ Now, I don't understand why people do it either.

  14. I think there are a multitude of reasons people cheat. Immaturity, being dissatisfied with relationship you are in, not understanding the consequences, insecurity (all things other commenters have noted), and even just the thrill that some people get from doing something forbidden. And some people seriously just can't resist the temptation and the flattery of someone else being interested.

    I do think she was wrong, but the director was more wrong. Older, wiser, more committed, and much more to lose. What an idiot.

  15. my question in this situation and in any situation where celebrities cheat- had the paparazzi not caught her, how long would this "momentary indiscretion" have gone on? and how sorry are they really if they weren't the ones to come forward and the paparazzi was?

  16. Imagine your friend calling you up one day and simply asking, "what do you and hubby think about cheating?"

    Mouth drops to floor.

    I feel the same way. You chose to be in the particular relationship so you can choose to end it. Don't make more of a mess than what it'll already be. Because that's what it will be, a huge big mess! :/

  17. First, let me say: of course it is wrong. (We already know that). But I don't want to be a hypocrite either.

    I found myself kissing another guy after years of being in a committed relationship.
    I ended up breaking up with my then-bf and marrying that other guy.

    I would have never ever in a million years thought that I would be capable of doing that. But, obviously, it happened and I believe that sometimes people are just not aware that something in their relationship is askew.

    Now, I'd like to think that this is different than cheating on someone for months and still going home to your boyfriend/husband/whathaveyou.
    THAT, I could never do. My conscience would eat me alive.

    But I can see how you can be attracted to another person (temporarily) and it results in a kiss that shouldn't have happened. It's like a wakeup call.

    Having said that, I don't know how far Kristen's cheating went, so I can't speak for that....

  18. Cheating is about insecurity and selfishness. My ex-fiance cheated on me and it was awful! Afterwards people would say "at least you know now and not when you were married". That didn't make an ounce of difference, it still hurt.

    While I don't agree with cheating whatsoever, I think Kristen is unfairly taking the heat. Yes, she cheated on her boyfriend. Yes that is awful, but she didn't make any vows. I find affairs to be disgusting. There are 2 things in marriage that I absolutely won't tolerate, physical violence and cheating. Clearly not everyone feels this way.

    Kristen may have embarrassed herself and Rob. HE embarrassed his wife AND his children. That's not even cool. I hope his wife makes the best decision for herself and children. He can go suck an egg. Just sayin..

  19. I would never cheat...ever! I am with you in the whole concept of not understanding how someone could do that, to the person they love so much who means the world to them, how could they hurt them so much.. My only theory of why people cheat is they want everything, they don't want just one (or aren't satisfied with that one, something is missing) and they can't give up the first relationship, and they don't want to say no to the second (no self control is pretty much the sum of it I think) I read a study that said people with lower intelligence are more likely to cheat, ouch right!? but it makes sense, they don't have the wits to weight out what the consequences will be of their actions.

  20. If you don't like the person you're with then leave! It ain't that hard people lol.

    Did you hear Emily from The Bachelorette cheated recently too? Who woulda thunk? ;)

  21. Cheaters have something missing in their lives (I would call it a Jesus shaped hole but not everyone is into that sorta thang)that they just can't find something to fill it with. Sad, so sad.

    And then there are cheaters who have a mercy make-out session with someone who had an English class with them once upon a time and developed a huge crush after said cheater commented on how they had matching sneakers yet would not otherwise give the poor soul a second glance. Hypothetically.

  22. i think a lot of people cheat because of the the case of kstew + director i feel like you're interacting on the daily, flirting, there's some tension, you keeping pushing the line until finally you're over it. and then you don't know if it will happen again bc it's wrong so you dnt want to end your current relationship but then it does just keep i guess thats why people who *cheat* don't end their relationships.

    what i really don't get is people who carry on affairs.

    i dont really get cheating ever. ive never cheated on anyone but have been cheated on and unfortunately been in the position of being *the other woman* more than once !! aka i had terrible taste in men (i didn't know they were involved...)

    for the ppl commenting that she's 22 and young...don't buy it. sorry. @ 22 i moved to NYC on my own, worked full time and was in graduate school and i sure as heck would've known what i was doing if i cheated on someone.

    for the comments about the director shoulda known better, or that he's married to a many times do we hear about men cheating who seem to have it all (hellllooo tiger woods!) i really do believe it's the excitement of the chase...

  23. I love your readers. I was about to take a few deep breaths so I didn't launch into a feminist rant, but so many comments are so awesome it's unnecessary.

    Your post is about cheating, but you ask why Kristin cheated.

    Why not ask why the director cheated?

    They're both wrong, obviously. They both majorly screwed up.

    But everyone is SO focused on Kristin's betrayal. It's entirely possible she was taken advantage of by him. Frankly, it's an age-old plot line. Experienced older man, younger naive girl, working late hours together... I'm not saying that's what happened, but at the very least, the two of them are equally culpable.

    I'm glad so many other people understand this too. Rock on, equality!

    1. It's great that you're for "equality", however, that's not what this post is. It's about the why behind cheating, nothing feministic (or not) about it.

  24. Attention. I think a lot of people need attention, positive or negative. I feel bad for his kids. At least her boyfriend is an adult, but the kids are the ones that really get hurt in all of it.

  25. AND...the director's wife was in the movie with Kristen Stewart and before this all came out, she was singing Stewart's praises -- talk about a stab in the back. Totally agree with everything you said and I wonder the same thing. Why would you cheat on someone you supposedly love? Especially when you're a "celebrity" and you have paparazzi constantly following -- do you seriously think you're not gonna get caught. Seriously?!

  26. I am so upset about this scandal, and I didn't care at all about their relationship before that. It's just upsetting to see one person destroy another so deeply over something like this.

    I have no answers. I'm just mad for him.

  27. ;) I like the Twilight books.
    ...I've often found myself wondering WHY people cheat also. I don't get it.

  28. I think people cheat out of boredom or cowardice. I agree that if you don't care about someone enough to be faithful to them, you don't need to be in a relationship with them. But I think most people are too scared to break up with someone, especially if they only plan on having a one night stand or a little fling.

  29. I think that cheating (when in a committed relationship) is a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship. It's easier to cheat than actually deal with the problem. It's not a very mature way of handling things, but I can see how it happens.

    I also think that cheating can be overcome, if the couple can forgive each and do the work to get past the cheating. However, they also have to be committed to working on that other problem as well.

  30. I think it all trickles down to selfishness. She (and the guy she was carrying on with; we can't excuse his actions, either) selfishly chose to forget their commitments (and his vows!) to have temporary happiness. They totally threw away the love they had for something that probably wouldn't have lasted even if they hadn't been caught. I dunno. That's just my 2 cents.

  31. Cheating is wrong. So wrong. There is no way to justify it. No excuse or reason could ever be good enough to make it okay. So why it happened would never be of any relevance for me.

    Now with that said, it's the business ONLY of the people involved. You won't catch me judging Kristen Stewart. Not that I'm a huge fan of her as an actress (I'm not), but I think people need to leave everyone involved in this situation alone.

    Let's look a few things here: Kristen Stewart is very young. And she's KRISTEN STEWART. And he's ROBERT PATTINSON. They are not Bella and Edward, fictional characters who do not even exist. People need to separate the human beings from the characters they play. If Robert Pattinson wants to leave Kristen Stewart because of what she did, good on him. I'd do the same thing. But for everybody else in the world to be up her ass about it is ridiculous. People make mistakes and she's paid for them by losing her boyfriend of three years and by being part of a horribly public scandal.