Monday, October 29, 2012

Words of Wisdom

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1.  Giveaway closes Wednesday. (On Halloween!)  Get your buns moving!
and
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Moving onward...


It's been a little while since I shared with you the nuggets of pure wisdom that have been escaping my students' mouths.  They've really been on one lately, and I spend half my day trying to find a sticky note so that I can scribble down the hilarious crap that they are spewing. The picture above makes me students look like straight up angels.  Don't be deceived.  They are anything but. Below you will find some of the best of the best as far as quoting teenager goes. (An occasional italics means it's a comment by me.  I couldn't resist!)

Written Words of Wisdom- taken from the angels' writing assignments:

Women get smarter and smarter by watching what their husbands do.


This teacher is chill as hell.  Am I the only one who sees the irony in this?


I cannot stand writing. I’d rather clean the bathroom all day or sit in despair and pick my nose than write an essay.

This book report is for my wonderful teacher. Yes, I would like extra credit for this.

Writing reminds me of old people because most of my language arts teachers were either really old or not very good looking at all.

I spike my hair up with gel every day it’s my best friend. Without it, I don’t know what I’d do.


A picture to describe writing is Ellen Degeneres because she is gay, but cool, just like writing.


The treatment to a woman should always be the best. But bad treatment to a woman that is a witch could possibly be excused.

Reading takes up too much time and it’s only good for someone who doesn’t have a life.  Should I be offended?


Gatsby was a flawed character because he thought money could buy him happiness and hookers.  Well, I am pretty certain that it can buy at least one of those things...


Tom was born in 1800. He died in 1898. He was 25 years old.


One of my English teachers never blinked and one looked like a man, but was actually a girl.

That’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t share it with anyone.  After a student admitted being so upset one night that he punched a wall and broke his hand.
He compares love to church and I don’t know why anyone would compare love to church because I kind of hate church.

Everything worth anything is worth something. I had to read this about four times until I figured out it was saying absolutely nothing.

Now I know that these Shakespeare characters didn't have video games or football or Nascar, but come on, do something with your life!

Now we all know women are crazy. (Opening line of an essay about gender inequality)

I hate to tell you, Teacher, but this book was not believable at all.  Star Trek was more convincing!

When you’re a child you’re supposed to be a kid, get durty, burp, and fart in public.


Words of Wisdom spoken out loud in class.

It’s so hot in here I’m sweating like a farm animal.

Was that someone's cell phone’s vibrating? It sounded like a robot farted.
He’s a smart kid, just says stupid things.

We chose to do our presentation on love. It’s important because, well… without love none of us would even exist... if you know what I mean... Teacher?  Do you know what we mean?
(Yes, children.  I know what you mean)
I’d rather read the dictionary than read this.
I hate short stories! They’re so freakin short!

Me: Keaton, what are you doing? Keaton: Smelling my wallet…

Me:  Curtis, are you awake?  Curtis:  Kind of.
If Language Arts was a person, I’d shoot it.
When you’re a child you’re supposed to be a kid, get durty, burp, and fart in public.

I can’t write a five paragraph essay! I’m just a person who is much more to the point that that.

My pet peeve is when people ask me for a piece of gum.  Gum is getting really expensive nowdays!


And lastly, I present to you...

Questions of Wisdom:

Was Mr. Moorman named Moorman because he is a Mormon?  Yes, because characters are always named after their religion...

What was Shakespeare's first name? Was it just Shakespeare?

What the heck is Hitler Youth? Is that like Junior Jazz?

What is Tahiti?

What’s a character list? Is that like a list of characters?

So World War II was in the 1400s?

Me:  Imagine that I am your mom, and that I smoked in high school...
Student:  Oh my gosh you did!?!
Me:  No!  This is hypothetical.  So I'm a mom, I smoked in high school and now I have a kid who is in high school.
Student:  Oh my gosh, you do?!?

I know what you're thinking- I work with a bunch of freaking geniuses, right?!?  What can I say, I am teaching the next Einstein!

Now chime in!  Which of these quotes is the winner?  I might even give my student who said it extra credit!  Or maybe candy...  Yah, let's go with candy.

24 comments:

  1. I like the question about the character list because it sounds like something the student said without thinking it through. The Tahiti one is ridiculous. Ridiculous! I am certain there are major challenges to teaching high school, but your posts like this one make me think it's got to be a lot of fun too!

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  2. the math one makes me giggle...math skills are not the strong point of our youth

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  3. I love the Shakespeare one. And I'd love to see some of the cell phone excuses. Are they ones you've heard or ones you don't accept?

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  4. Tom was born in 1800 hehe good job kid

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  5. I should do another one of these posts. They stuff my students say is so funny! That Tahiti question sounds like something one of my 8th graders would say.I think my favorite is the short stories one. :)

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  6. Oh, those students. I'd be a horrible teacher because I would die laughing at the "words and questions of wisdom" spoken out loud in class. With the papers, at least you can laugh in the privacy of your own home without making any students feel bad

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  7. Ell oh ell! Being fresh out of high school (I'm 19 & a sophomore in college) I remember these gems quite well.... One of my favorite stories from hs came from this really brillant guy. He was just a dud! We were in English and we had to do a vocab assignment. We came back the next day and the teacher told us to get out our assignment out and he said "Well, I erased it because I needed a piece of paper for another class..." Umm, SO YOU ERASED YOUR ASSIGNMENT?!

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  8. I think I want to be a teacher for a day just to hear these gems in public. I've been trapped in my house thanks to this hurricane and this just made my day! XO

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  9. I love when you post about your students! lol

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  10. I love when you post about your students! lol

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  11. I wish I could be chill as hell like you are Bonnie!

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  12. I laughed so hard at this one, "Tom was born in 1800. He died in 1898. He was 25 years old." LOL...

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  13. "Everything worth anything is worth something"
    Um...yeah, what?

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  14. hahahah! made my day. for real

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  15. Oh. My. Gosh. Those were freaking hilarious! I was seriously laughing out loud the whole time. I love the robot fart one.

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  16. A picture to describe writing is Ellen Degeneres because she is gay, but cool, just like writing...

    This one is my favorite. Because I love Ellen. And one time I wrote a post about how much I loved her and wanted to be like her (because she is seriously the funniest woman I pretend to know).. and then my sister in law called me out in front of the entire family, "so.. you want to be gay? or... am I just not understanding...?" I JUST WANT TO BE FUNNY!!! come on now. I am married.

    xo.Deidre
    Love, the Skinnys

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  17. Wow, teenagers are ridiculous!

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  18. This is so funny--definitely had laugh aloud moments!! So now I must share what my husband said: "We need to put this somewhere safe--go put it in a baggie."

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  19. I'm telling ya, every teacher should have the rights to write a book and let the money pour in - this stuff is too classic!

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  20. My favorite was definitely the one towards the end where you were talking hypothetically . . . lol I can totally see myself doing that lol

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  21. My favorite was definitely the ". . . Mrs. Larson? Do you know what I mean?"

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  22. Haha i love the Ellen one! Thanks for writing these posts. I love them all :)

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  23. I saw your post over on Much Love, illy and I thought it was the best blog post I have read in awhile! I think you are very accurate in your comparison of blogging to high school, so accurate that I am a little upset that I hadn't thought of it myself. You see I too am a high school teacher (when I am not on maternity leave). I teach 100 freshmen Biology! sometimes I wish I was an english teacher because I feel like they get all the funny quotes in class. I just get questions about genetics and sex (which I suppose can also be pretty funny).

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  24. My reactions went like this:

    Hahahahahaha, I feel the same way about Ellen. Love her.

    That "everything is worth anything" qoute is priceless.

    Hahaha, a robot farted.

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