Today my student teacher asked the students to free write for ten minutes on the question, "Where do you see yourself in one year? Five years? Ten?" The question frightened me a bit because this May will mark my ten year anniversary from high school graduation. I've been graduated from high school for TEN YEARS. That means that not only do I know "where I will be" in a year, but I already know the five years mark and now, even the ten years too.
To be honest with you, it's exactly where I thought I would be and not at all where I thought I would be all at once. Chew on that, will you?
That's me on the right. The night of my high school graduation. I had a fat crush on the boy on the left. He didn't crush me back. Thus was the story of my high school life. Unrequited love to the max.
What I thought: I thought I'd be partying it up at college, loving it, getting straight As, and free as the wind. I had gotten accepted to BYU and was planning to major in Elementary Education. I didn't want a boyfriend, but I did want my first kiss!
Where I was: After one year I found myself not partying nearly as much as I wanted. I had gotten my first kiss, alright, but I had also gotten my first boyfriend. A serious boyfriend who I fell madly in love with. I was absolutely torn trying to decide if I wanted to marry this boy when I was not even 19. He was a catch, no doubt about it, and eager to settle down, but I had my five years, ten years etc all planned out and none of those visions included getting married right out the gate. Looking back, it was good we broke up, (Although I will admit, it was the great heartbreak of my life) and that I was able to experience so much before marriage. Some girls can get married young, but I needed the time to figure out who I was and grow into myself. Greg is two years younger than me, and I'm convinced I had to marry a younger man so that I could have enough time to get all my wiggles out before marriage.
Summer roommates. We slept in and went swimming a lot. Still my best friends.
What I thought: I figured I'd maybe have a serious boyfriend by now, if not engaged or newly married. I wanted to have served a kick butt mission for the LDS church, and I wanted to be close to graduating college in Elementary Education. I dreamed of studying abroad in London.
Where I was: I got turned down for the study abroad in London, so instead I spent the best semester of my life in Hawaii. I served my mission, only it was much more difficult and trying than I thought. I imagined it was going to be a cake walk, and it was anything but, but I thank my Heavenly Father for that time in Argentina and the people I grew to know and love there. I learned more in those 18 months about life, about myself, and about God than any other period of time.
Five years out of high school, I had no serious boyfriend and no prospects. After pushing marriage away and demanding time to play it seemed that now that I was ready to settle down a bit, no boy wanted me. I had had a boyfriend who "waited" for me on my mission and then as soon as I came home he basically dropped me like it was hot. Straight up stood me up for dates and didn't even call. (He was another heartbreak. I've said it before and I'll say it again- I married the best boy I ever dated.) I had been home from my mission six months and to be honest, I was feeling a bit lost in life. Not sure what the next step was. I had changed my major to English Education, but I wasn't totally confident that was what I wanted. I didn't know if I was "smart" enough. Graduation was a year away and at 23, I was feeling much too old to still be in college. The hardest thing of my life, my dad's unexpected death, was looming around the corner, unbeknownst to me.
18 months in Argentina- the hardest, most rewarding time of my life.
What I thought: I thought I'd be married with at least one or two kids. I thought I'd be living out of Utah in my first starter home with my family. I thought I'd be staying at home with my kids, and although I was planning on going to college, I don't know if 18 year old Bonnie really ever thought she would actually work. I imagined myself staying very close to family and having life all figured out.
Where I am: I married the absolute love of my life seven years after high school graduation. I never thought I'd marry an actor and that we'd live the adventurous, spontaneous life that we do. We are not even close to "settled"- we've lived in four places since we've been married and will likely move again this summer. But we love it this way. I finally got my "study abroad" to London with Greg the summer after we got married- we spent three weeks there with his theater department. I am still reeling from the shock of my dad's unexpected death- losing a parent is never something you plan for and the grieving processes is long and arduous, but there is healing.
I've worked four years in a public high school now and hope for many more- it is a job I have loved 100 times more than I ever dreamed. I don't know if I am "smart" enough to do it, but I fake it well. I started a blog and from it have gained a lot of satisfaction and fulfillment in my life, as well as great and meaningful relationships with other bloggers. This winter, I started writing a book that has got me terrifyingly excited. We are expecting our first child- an event far scarier to me than anything I have been through thus far.
I thought that ten years out of high school, I'd have it all figured out. I have nothing figured out. If anything, I know less than I did in high school (or at least less than I thought I did.) I have doubts and fears and stresses but what I know without a doubt is that I love my family and I love my God and those are two things that will never change.
Still missing my pop. Always will.
And boom. We're making this a link up. Where did you think (or do you) think you'd be one, five, and ten years after high school and where were you? Time to go down memory lane.
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