The Life of Bon: The horrors of dating

Friday, March 07, 2014

The horrors of dating

It's Friday, Friday, gonna get down on Friday.

Do any of your remember that song?  I'll tell you the one good thing that came about because of that song.  Conan did a hilarious spoof of it called "Thursday" and thanks to that clip I learned the meaning of the word "fortnight."  Coolest word ever.  And if you are wondering, a fortnight is a two week period.  Boom!

I've got big plans for the weekend.  BIG ONES!  They include but are not limited to:

  • Laundry!
  • Groceries!
  • Dishes!
Aren't weekends just the best?!? 

In all seriousness, though, I really do think it'll be an awesome weekend.  We don't have a lot of plans so I'm hoping to just take it easy.  The weather has been teasing us a bit, and every day I wonder if it might be nice enough to play tennis, but we're not quite there yet.  So I'll take Maverick on some walks and I'll sleep in and read my book and watch some Netflix (We've been watching The Killing.  At first we really liked it but now we're in to season 2 and it's SO SLOW.  Nothing is happening!  Wer're trying to decide if we should stick with it...) and then Greg and I have tickets to a play on Saturday night...  You know.  The good weekend stuff.  Greg usually has work and rehearsals on Saturday so a lot of times I have that day to kind of just do my thing.  Hit me up if you wanna do lunch!  

To get you going on this Friday, I've got Mindy here to share with us all her dating stories of tragedy and woe.  These are hilarious and more than anything it made me glad I'm not in the dating world anymore.  I'd take morning sickness and stretch marks over reliving my dating history any day.  The post was so good that it inspired me to write one of my own for next week and I'm going to invite all of you to do the same.  Think of your worst dating stories and we'll go ahead and make it a link up, gals!  Start brainstorming, that post will go up for on Tuesday, March 11.  (I always post at night so mine will technically go up the night of the 10th).

Alright, Mindy, get us started!


Hey, peeps. My name is Mindy. 


I blog over at Best.Day.Ever. It's a blog about the best days, the worst days and every day in between. Quite a catchy little subtitle, no? If your answer really is no, please don't tell me. It's, like, the one clever thing I know I've come up with in the last decade or so. 

I think this is the part of the guest post where I insert a photo of me and my attractive husband. And as a good little blogger, I will oblige.


Yeah, that's the best I can do considering I'm not married. 

But don't cry for me, Argentina. 

I mean, I could be married if I wanted to be. In fact, I have heavily considered writing a book about it. It would be titled, "I could be married if I wanted to be ... to a PSYCHO!"

What do you guys think? I was kind of thinking dedicating each chapter to a psycho that was into me that I was ... well, just not willing to give up my sanity for. The book would look a little somethin' somethin' like this:

Psycho One

This chapter would be about psycho one who took me on several dates. And guys, I just wasn't feeling it. His core beliefs and mine just didn't jive, and he would stand on my doorstep for two hours while I had the door partially open {trying to hint the night was over}. While those minor things did not get him into psycho level, he got there anyway. We had a very civil conversation about how I just wasn't feeling it but we could still be friends. Not even 24 hours after we had the "just friends" talk he called me up and asked me to dinner. I asked him where I could meet him. He said he would pick me up. I said, "Were you planning on paying for my dinner as well?" When he said he was, I told him, "I thought we established less than 24 hours ago we were just going to be friends?"

His response?

"YOU established that."

Unfortunately, he didn't understand relationships don't need a majority rule.

Psycho Two

He challenged me to a meatball rolling competition at Olive Garden. Need I say more?

Psycho Three

Man: Would you like to meet up for lunch tomorrow?

Mindy: Will your wife be joining us?

Man: No, I was hoping it would just be the two of us

::crickets chirping::

Psycho Four

This one is graphic. Read at your own risk.

This man worked at a beef packaging plant. I am okay with unique forms of employment. The problem I had with him was the same boots he would wear to hose down the blood off the walls, he would wear to Church ... and on our dates.

Guys, I can get past socks and sandals. I can. But I cannot get past bloody boots. Literally, I am not even try to be offensively British here. They.literally.were.bloody.

Plus, he didn't believe in cars. Or Walmart. In two feet of snow and a bloody blizzard in Logan, Utah {that one I was trying to be offensively British}, he would ride his bike. 

And refusing to EVER go into Walmart? I go there like three times in one day. This union clearly would not work.

Psycho Five


I went on about four or five dates before Psycho Five turned into a psycho. Although, there were definitely red flags such as trying to and eventually successfully tricking me into meeting his family within the first two weeks of knowing him and then wanting to joke to them that we were in engaged. But that isn't what gave him his title.


No, no. That came when he was talking about making his wife sign a FAT CONTRACT. Yes, you read that right. He was going to have his future wife sign a contract with her promising she would not get fat. Appalled I said, "So, if we got married, and I gave birth to five of your babies and I gained five pounds after all of that, you would find me less attractive?"

His answer?

"Absolutely."

Psycho Six

The man who did my genealogy work and shows up to my deceased relatives viewings and funerals to find me. No.lie.

So, yeah ...

Do you think that book will work? 

Better yet, what dating horror story{ies} could you add?

In the meantime, I will be ummarried and blogging over at Best.Day.Ever. You should come visit.

Hope to see you soon!! And thanks for letting me take over for a bit, Bon!



11 comments:

  1. My weekend plans consist of cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning. Ugh.
    If Mindy wrote a book like that I would totally buy it!! Talk about some crazy men, yikes.

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  2. So my sister ended up on a date with a guy who was into breath play. As in, he told her 10 minutes into the date that he liked to choke women while they were getting intimate.

    ....

    I'll save the rest for your link up, cause there's more!

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  3. I don't know why I love horific dating stories so much...buuuut I do!

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  4. Those bloody boots are definitely unforgivable! yikes!

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  5. Could I write your forward?? And dedicate it to the guy who took me to his house "right quick" because he spilled a coke on his shirt and there were panties on his floor..... We could write quite the saga I tell you! New follower :)

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  6. Definitely stick with The Killing! Season 2 picks back up at the end, and season 3 is really good.

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  7. The boots and the fat contract ones were the best. Hilarious!

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  8. I don't know much about dating - I've kind of let it slide over the past few years - but I think I would turn and run at most of these guys... ok all of these guys.

    Sophie xxx

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  9. I am glad I do not have to worry about dating any more

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