20 things you should know about me. AKA: a very narcissistic post

It's time for a reacquaintance.  I haven't introduced myself for some time on this blog and sometimes I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore! 

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BON BON

1.  This picture was taken hours after I got two cavities filled and a permanent crown put in.  You may notice one side of my face is drooping just a little bit.  Isn't that just the saddest thing when it's best picture you can find of yourself and half of your face is sagging?!

1.5  I don't really ever refer to myself as Bon Bon except for, strangely enough, when I am writing on this blog.

2.  When I was in seventh grade my brother, Reed, tried to do a wrestling move and about dang near knocked my tooth out.  It was hanging by a string.  The doctor popped it back in and put a brace on it and all was well within a few weeks.  A part of me is still mad at that dentist for fixing that tooth.  If I had had to go through life as a one-toothed woman, I could have sued my brother for big bucks.

3.  I'm working hard on a goal I made a little while ago to make people feel good about themselves.  Sometimes it's easy.  Sometimes it's hard.  Mostly it's hard when the people I am dealing with are idiots.

4.  I suck at:  texting back, calling back, and emailing back.  I think I was happier pre-cell phone days.  I hate that people know that I carry a cell phone and know that they can get a hold of me whenever they want.  Some days I just leave my phone in my purse when I get home from work and don't get it out until I go to work the next morning.  SO SUE ME.

5.  Below you will see the picture of the guy I married.  His name is Greg.  We met when I was reading on a balcony and he was walking across the parking lot.  He told me the pink streak in my hair was looking mighty fine and I told him to come up and make me dinner with his shirt off.  Eight months later I was throwing a bouquet.  We're coming up on four years of marital bliss/ hard work/ frustration/ giddiness/ whatever marriage is and no one's gone running for the hills yet.

6.  For a living I play blackjack.

7.  Just kidding about number six.  I'm a high school English teacher.  I have to teach high school instead of elementary because a) I don't have patience for little uns b) I don't want to have to pretend I like crappy drawings and c) I don't do snot/pee/poo/tears.

8.  Today in class we heard what appeared to be tribal music coming from the classroom next door.  In a moment of poor instinct I yelled, "Quick!  We need a sacrifice!  We must send over a virgin to sacrifice "  I don't know why that came to my mind, why I blurted it out, and why I thought it was appropriate.  The kids laughed anyway because they think I'm psycho and that would be reason d) why I don't teach elementary school.

9.  I was born into a family of eight kids.  This means I have learned to fight for attention.  I can put on a show with the best of them.  One of my favorite things to do as a kid was to tell acquaintances and friends not smart enough to know better that it was my birthday and soak in the attention all day long.  I'm messed up.  I know.

10.  I can be bossy.  I blame it on the 16 year olds.  I get used to bossing them around all day that I come home and think I have the right to tell everybody else what to do, too.  It's weird, but people don't like being bossed around.

11.  I have had close to 20 traffic citations.  And that's not even touching the boots, the towings, or the parking tickets.  Or the two cars I totaled.  I don't say this because I'm bragging about my bad driving record, but because I am bragging that it has been 19 months since my last ticket.  NINETEEN MONTHS.  I have been reformed.

This was the day I got two tickets 20 minutes apart.  

One was for going 26 over the speed limit- a $540 fine.  

My lead foot is was expensive!

12.  People always make fun of me for my bad driving and if we're ever going somewhere in a group they say I'm not allowed to drive.  This hurts my feelings.  I mean, come on, if you had 20 traffic tickets I wouldn't rub it in your face like that!

13.  The best part of my day is the hour at night before I have to go to bed and I cuddle up with Greg and watch TV and giggle and flirt and drift off to sleep.  

14.  The worst part of my day is 5:40 am when my alarm clock rings.  If I had known as a college student that I would be waking up at 5:40 am when I had a full time job you better believe I never even would have considered graduating.

15.  The picture below is what my husband looks like when I leave for work in the morning.  Some kind of praying demon?  What think ye?!?

16.  A couple of days ago I was passing out copies of Les Miserables for my seniors to read.  One girl looked at the title and then exclaimed, "Ah, man!  My copy is in Spanish!"  That's been making me smile for going on six days now.

17.  I once had a friend who called me Bonahrrea.  I am warning you now if you call me that name I will hold it against you forever.  Sally I'm talking to you.

18.  Every year I invest hundreds of hours watching my favorite basketball team, the Utah Jazz disappoint me.   It's not the healthiest thing I've got going on in my life.

19.  I make Greg late.  All the time.  Oops. I HATE THIS ABOUT ME.  MY GOAL FOR 2015 IS TO NOT BE LATE FOR ANYTHING. EVER.

20.  I like ladybugs and roses and anything girly.  I eat bowls of cereal with the milk overflowing.  I've got a hot head and a sharp tongue that is rarely controlled.  I've been known to burst into tears for no reason.  I am passionate about reading and writing and reality TV.  Long eyelashes are my guilty pleasure.  On Saturdays I do my best to sleep until noon and when I see old couples holding hands my heart completely melts.  I think painted fingernails are the epitome of femininity and a diet coke the cure to every curve ball life throws at you.  Take it or leave it, folks!

The bulk of this post was originally written in December 2012.