The Life of Bon: Displaced

Monday, May 07, 2012


"We're moving you out of your room for today so that we can re-do your carpet!" Brady yelled to me when I came to high school today.  Brady's the head custodian.  He knows his shiz.  When the man says move, you move.

That was at 7 am.  7-7:50am I spent running around like a chicken with its head cut off, preparing copies, typing papers on someone else's computer, and moving junk to my replacement room.  I showed up for "class" ten minutes late. (Just like when I was a student!) "Class" was being held in the tech atrium, which is grossly misnamed because there is no tech equipment and it's not an atrium.  It's actually just a huge room that looks like a warehouse.

To add to the chaos of the morning, all of my classes are doing their state wide testing on Wednesday.  The tests are called CRTs and they are the devil's sister.  We prepare all year for the tests, and come May it is CRUCIAL that our students do well.  CRUCIAL, YOU HEAR ME?

Knowing all that, you can imagine that today was a very important day.  The last day before the big test.  Reviewing.  Questioning.  Testing.  A BIG DAY! 
And.  Well.  If you want to know the truth, I don't think a single student learned jack crap today.
I spent the majority of the morning running from the tech atrium upstairs to my classroom downstairs, getting books I needed, worksheets, markers for the whiteboard.  By about 11:30, I thought I finally had found my rhythm.  It was at this point that a very huffy and a very puffy counselor barged into the classroom tech atrium. 

"Teacher!  They said you were only going to be up here for first period!  We need this room for AP testing.  The AP test starts in 15 minutes!" This woman was on the verge of a nervous break down, you could just tell by looking at her.
"Um... so where do I go?"

"Just go in this room next door."

Seemed easy enough.  We opened the door.  The room was filled to the brim with tables, upside down desks and broken down computers.

"Hmm.... that's not going to work.  You'll just have to go to the library," she suggested.

"Isn't the library doing CRTs?"  This counselor thought she could pull a fast one on me, but I am smarter than I look, people.

"Uh... yah... they are.  But not for another half hour."

"But this class has 45 minutes left.  What do I do for the remaining 15 minutes?"

The counselor looked around.  I was asking the tough questions, my friends, and this lady was ill-fitted to answer them.

"I don't know."  And she left.

Translation:  Let them go 15 minutes early.  When they have the biggest test of the year the next day.  Sounds like a plan!

So, we relocated to the library for 30 minutes.  The hoodlums were released 15 minutes early, and I spent my prep period wandering around aimlessly because the carpet men wouldn't let me back in my room.  Finally I settled down here, at a computer in the library to try, if nothing else, to get some writing done.  Only problem is that the boy next to me keeps farting is having some gas issues.

It's not an easy life I live.

Now.  Could YOU pass the grammar portion of an 11th grade CRT?  See for yourself, you fools!
I don't think I did too ___________________ on that test. (Good/well)
How were you ________________ by September 11? (Affected/Effected)
What are the _____________________ of marijuana on the brain (Affects/Effects)
I don't think her pony tail ______________________ her high forehead. (Complements/Compliments)

Is the following sentence active or passive?  How would you write it the other way?
The bus driver was hurt yesterday.
The Declaration of Independence was written in 1776.
I heard what you said.
The class will be held in the tech atrium today.
Are the papers graded yet?

What's wrong with the following sentences?
I don't want students that are lazy.
Each student needs to get out their homework.
The team is so excited about their new uniforms.


  1. I totally couldn't pass the test I had to ask my 12yr old for the answers yep i need to go back to school is pre-k taking applications for new students think I could totally pass naptime

  2. Yup, I could definitely pass that test! I came close to going to school to teach English, but I chose to teach history instead.

    Too bad I couldn't find a teaching job. :P

  3. Bahaha...

    Loved this.

    You are hilarious. I wish you were my english teacher. So bad.

  4. #1: If your tech atrium is the same as Riverton's (and I think it is) that is a horrible classroom! I'm so sorry, I would be so frustrated if that happened to me!

    #2: This makes me feel less upset about the computer lab being double booked. My class was working on group projects and they stuck some laptops and desks in the same room and had students testing in there too. Can't a mobile lab go in any empty classroom? Anyway, the teacher yelled at my students. She probably didn't realize I was the teacher because my outfit was so hot today.

    #3 I would fail that test.


    Maybe that the first sentence is passive...? Should it be I don't want lazy students.?

    The second one "Each student needs to get their homework out."?

    AHHHHHHHHH. Please tell me so I can relax.

  6. You have to post the answers or I'm going to go crazy trying to decide if I'm right or not.

  7. I THINK I did alright on most of the other parts of the test, but the sentences got me! grr!!!

    What an annoying morning! I would be mad if I had to deal with all that right before their big testing!!!

  8. Well, affected, effected, complements.
    I SUCK at passive/active voice. ummmm
    Passive: Thomas Jefferson wrote the declaration of independence in 1776.
    Active ??
    Passive ?? Ugh. See?
    And first one- I don't know.
    Second- Every student not each.
    Third- you don't have to put their??

    This is sad, I'm only three years out of high school. Eesh. That was way harder than I remember. hahahahah.

  9. well, affected, effects, complements

    passive Yesterday, a car ran into the school bus, but luckily, the impact only mildly hurt the bus driver.

    passive Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence in 1776.

    active How do you make this passive?

    passive The tech atrium will hold class today.

    passive Have you graded our papers yet?

    I don't want students WHO are lazy.

    Each student needs to get out HIS OR HER homework.

    All students need to get out their homework.

    The team is so excited about its new uniforms.

    I'm not sure about that last one. I thought "team" was one of those weird nouns that can be singular or plural. Isn't it a collective noun?