Yesterday I marched down that great white tile hall, tromped into the principal's office, threw my resignation on his desk and declared, "I'm out! I'm on to bigger and better things! See you later! Sir!"
Or something like that.
The truth is I did it because they bribed me with 200 big ones if I quit by the end of the month. The school does an "early resignation", meaning they want to know early on what teachers are staying or going. So if you tell them in February that you will not be returning in the fall and they can plan early, BAM, $200 buckaroos.
I guess I have known ever since I married Hubs that my job at the Hills of the Copper (I feel like I shouldn't say my school's "real" name. Now none of you know!) would be temporary. The dude's an actor. There's not many gigs for that in West Jordan, Utah.
Still. It didn't lessen the pain.
On our first date Greg told me he was a theatre major. I thought that was weird. But I also thought he was cute.
That night after our first date, I laid in bed and thought about this Greg guy and his career choice. I had to decide then and there if I could marry someone who was pursuing full time acting as a career. In my mind it made no sense to go on date #2 or date #3 or date #506 if I wasn't okay with the way he decided to make a living. If I couldn't handle the job insecurity, the adventures, the wild life, then why continue on one step further in the dating process? I don't do charades.
So I thought and thought and turns out I felt great about all of it. A kind of excited and "wow, this isn't what I was expecting for a future husband but I can totally handle it!" feeling. A lot of people would never leave a job, a state, a home that is comfortable for something so unpredictable. But it turns out comfort actually makes me kind of uncomfortable. (Say whaaa?!?) I am the opposite of a home body, and I yearn for adventure. I'm a bit of a risk taker and a bit of an idiot. What more could I want in a husband than a man who wants to drag me to Hollywood in pursuit of the acting dream while I pursue my writing and teaching and saving the youth of America dream? Admit it- it's all very romantic in a "you two are very stupid" kind of way.
But first Greg had to finish school. Earn his undergraduate degree, get some experience under his belt, and live in his mother in laws basement! All vital experiences! Greg graduates this spring, and so we have known and planned for the past two years for me to quit at the high school, pack on up, and hit the road for Hollywood this year. Very glorious and very dramatic.
From day one I have felt good about this plan. I have supported it, saved for it, counted down the days for it.
That's why it shocked me how scared I was to "announce" my resignation yesterday. I signed my name on the form, texted Greg (This is it! I'm really quitting!) and then did laps around my classroom for twenty minutes trying to calm my nerves. Finally I walked down to the office and looked for my boss. He was nowhere around.
"Matt, have you seen Todd?" I asked the Vice Principal
"I have! He has brown hair, short of stature..." Don't you hate smart aleck V.P.s?
I decided to just leave the paper my boss' desk. The bell was about to ring, I had a seventh period to teach, and I couldn't mope around all day waiting for him while my brain thought about what a great job this is, did I really want to leave something so secure, and I don't even have another job lined up, you idiot!
And then, as this was all racing through my head, Todd walked in. I didn't say a word, just handed him the paper. He read. I waited for a reaction.
He looked up at me and we made eye contact. The kind of eye contact where you have an entire conversation in a matter of seconds.
"I'm sorry." I said.
He replied with all the nice things bosses are supposed to say- that he was sad to see me go but he understood, that he would write me glowing letters of recommendations, that the school would dearly miss me. And I couldn't help it. I looked right into those brown eyeballs of his and let the tears well up in mine. How is it that a job can mean so much to a person? Walls and desks and horny teenagers who never remember their pencils? How is it that somehow the high school and the students have gone ahead and wedged themselves a giant place in my heart?
It doesn't seem too fair.
News spread fast around the school and several teachers came in to talk to me. They all were beyond nice and said "Congratulations" which seemed ill fitting. "Hey! You quit the job that you totally love; you have no other job lined up and no leads! Congratulations!"
But I said thanks and tried to not seem sad because you can't be sad when you've had three great years at a job and felt totally accepted and loved and appreciated. You can't be sad when you have a lunch group that talks about dating and sex and makes you laugh so hard you forget you're at work. You can't be sad when you have 240 teenagers who pour their heart and souls out to you in their papers and do their homework (sometimes!) and crack inappropriate jokes and tell you that they love your class. And you can't be sad when they all demand answers and get upset at you for leaving because they are going to miss you so so much.
No. You can't be sad for that, can you?
(P.S. This massive giveaway is open through the end of the week. Don't forget to enter!)
(P.P.S We still have spots open for this Provo based blog consultating/ strategizing night on March 7. So excited for those of you who have already committed!)
(P.P.P.S. I finished Gone Girl this weekend for our Blogger Book Club. So much to talk about with that book! Our discussion on that will be next Wednesday- February 27. Make sure to finish the book and link up with us! March's book is The Fault in our Stars so go ahead and get started if you already finished Gone Girl!)