The Life of Bon: Announcement: I am taking up a new lover.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Announcement: I am taking up a new lover.

Guess what I'm holding right now?


Last time I posted on this blog I was in an anxious tizzy fit about getting these bad boys recovered.  They had vanished into thin air!  It started Thursday morning when they were nowhere to be found.  I had to take my mom's car to work.  I spent the evening and night turning the house upside down looking for them.  Finally about 10:30 I decided I must have locked them in the car and called the Orem City Police to come break in for me.

As I was waiting outside for the nice police man, my sister came bounding out of the house saying my mom had found the keys.  SAY WHAT?  Apparently she had blown a fuse, so she went into the storage closet to turn it back on.  While she was in there she noticed sitting on the floor, why but my keys of course!

Do you know what else is in the storage closet?
Do you know who was looking for costumes on Wednesday night?
Do you know where else Hubs was looking for costumes?
The trunk of my car.

Ah it all makes perfect sense, doesn't it?!?  I didn't lose my car keys at all, Hubs lost my car keys!  I immediately called him up- he was in a car in his way to California- to let him know it was all his fault.  Naturally he felt like a real moron.  As it should be!

It was a good thing I found my keys because it was off to Arizona for me on Friday.  Just as the snow started to come down real hard Friday afternoon I hopped a plane and landed one hour later in 80 degree weather.  It seems one of the cruel injustices in this world that you can be freezing and miserable when one state down the people are soaking up the sun and sipping pina coladas.  It's like when you have a crappy boyfriend and your roommate has the nicest, most thoughtful boyfriend ever.  I feel like winter is the abusive boyfriend who gives me cruel, merciless beatings.  I want nothing more than for him to leave for good, and yet somehow he sticks around, returning when I thought I had finally chased him away.  Going to Arizona this weekend was like meeting my perfect guy, but then realizing I am trapped in an abusive relationship with Winter and I will never have that perfect man to make me happy and give me warmth and sunshine and light.  I just have darkness and cold and a brutal hit in the face.

I'm over winter.  In case you couldn't tell.
I went to Arizona to celebrate the wedding of my mission buddy, Ashley. (Last time I posted about Ashley (and also the time I met her then-boyfriend-now-husband, Bully) was here.) It was a great excuse not only to run away from the snow, but to catch up with my old mission buddies- some of my favorite people in the whole world.  I stayed with my old college roommate, Sally, and spent the wedding festivities with Dallin and Janet.  I couldn't ask for a better group of women.

FRIDAY. 7:00 PM.
BACHELORETTE PARTY.  Coordinated by yours truly.  Lots of friends, lots of Mexican food, and lots of lingerie.  I gave her that spicy little diddy below.  Naturally.  I'm a pro at hooking people up with a little something sexy.  In the picture below is Janet Byrne.  She was my mission companion for 6 weeks in Argentina.  Most missionaries are young, but Janet up and decided to book it to Argentina when she was 50+ years old.  She left her kids and grandkids, her job, her home and went all by herself.  She is one of the most humble and loving people I have ever met, and such a great example of sacrifice.  I learned so much from her as a missionary, and she was one of my favorite companions. She is so kind and genuine and taught me a lot about the concept of agency and letting others choose.  She is one of the good ones, no doubt about it.

No pictures, but I played tennis with Sally while Janet went on a bagel run.  I kicked Sal's trash, but shhhhh don't tell her.

Pedicures before the wedding and I get made fun of by a punk Vietnamese dude.  When I asked him to take a picture for us he made fun of my camera saying it was "so big and heavy my arm hurts from holding it!  This looks like it from 1980s!  Don't you know it is 2013!  You need iPhone for your pictures."  I was not amused.  Sal was- couldn't stop laughing the whole time we were there.  Those darn Vietnamese- they think they know everything.

This old man came in and asked for a pedicure and manicure and I don't know why, but that's the type of thing that just makes my whole day.

The ceremony was beautiful and made you think of love and butterflies and all that gooey stuff.  I especially loved just sitting outside on the bench with two of my mission besties, Dallin and Janet and enjoying the beyond perfect weather.  Not too hot.  Not too cold.  Slight breeze.  Sunshine warming your legs.  It honestly count not have been more perfect weather.  I thought about my abusive boyfriend, Winter, back home, and hated Him so much.

We found a quaint outside cafe and had a bite because heavens knows we couldn't wait for dinner at 6:30.  The afternoon was quiet and serene.  We ate and chatted and felt the sunshine warming our backs.  Long after the food was gone and the bills were paid we gossiped, laughed, enjoyed.  It was one of those absolutely perfect hours, where you feel so completely present in that exact moment, that exact time.  There is nowhere to go, nothing to do but enjoy that precise moment in time.  And so we did.

Janet realized she had left her gift at home, so while she went to help set up tables (she's a better woman than I.  I refuse to help at weddings ever since Courtney got free slave labor out of me at her wedding!) I ran back to Sal's to get it.  I had 45 minute dead minutes so Sal and I put on our swimsuits and tried to catch what was left of the sinking sun.

Sally bought us matching sunglasses.  She's a doll.

Ashley's wedding dinner was in the backyard of a Mexican restaurant.  Makes no sense to me, but that's where it was and it worked.  Everybody got all the Mexican food they could dream of and there was visiting and dancing to Gangam Style and Mormon toasts with apple ciders and kids trying to kill each other with sparklers.  The night was so beautiful and I secretly hoped it would never end.  It was one of the best weddings I've ever been to- usually I am bored to tears at those suckers.  Not this night.  I was surrounded by great company and great food.  Not even the worst DJ known to mankind could ruin it for me. (Seriously, Ashley, where did you find that guy?  He was bad!) Dallin and I were somewhat accosted by some married dude who liked to say not very stuff about his wife who was not there to defend herself.  I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I just never think too highly of people who rag on their spouses in public to perfect strangers.  Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought he might be trying to flirt with us, but his pursuit was futile as we had already being deeply and totally seduced by Arizona.  One lover at a time.

 Trying to take a picture of the setting sun.  Obviously not working.

 Does this man look like he's in heaven, or what?!?

Well someone's got to start undressing the bride already!

 They told me to be serious for once. I did my best.

Sally greeted me and Janet at home with a pazookie.  It was beyond delicious and Sally and I accidentally ate it all before Janet even got a bite.  When she got up to get some, I was just finishing off the last bite.  "Oh my gosh, did you want some?" I questioned. "Now you die," was her reply.  We are passionate about food around these parts.



Drive to the airport.
Cry to be leaving new perfect boyfriend, Arizona and return to abusive boyfriend, Winter, at home.
Try to plot a way to run away from abusive boyfriend forever.
No plot comes to mind.
Fly home.

I seriously was so sad to see the weekend end.  It was absolutely beautiful and such a great time for me to catch up with old friends.  Someone asked me this week if it was a strain financially to buy a ticket to Arizona, to leave for the weekend, and if I felt it as a burden.  The answer is no.  Unquestionably no.  I live for weekends like this,  for endless sunny afternoons sitting at an outside cafe talking with girlfriends. If you can't escape every once in a while for a perfect weekend like this then what are we all waking up early, and working our butts off, and driving ourselves into the ground for anyway?

On the plane ride home I finished The Fault in Our Stars that we are reading for Bon's Book club this month.  Don't forget that the discussion is THIS THURSDAY.  You can down that book in two days no problem and I strongly encourage you to.  It is so beautiful.

Thanks Janet, Dallin, Ashley, and Sally.  I couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend.

I'm home now, waiting for old Bubs to make it safely back from his weekend in California (He was competing in a sketch comedy show in L.A.) so I can shower kisses on him and squeeze that skinny little waist that I have missed so much and make him protect me from abusive boyfriend, Winter who is still here in Utah, but seems to be less angry than when I left on Friday.  

Life is good.


  1. yay! i'm so glad you found your keys! also, that trip to arizona looked so fun!

  2. I just moved to Arizona a few years ago and I adore it!! I miss my Cali home often, but there is something about AZ that is just magical :)

  3. Dang, your blog is addicting. Found it today and already know your life.

  4. So glad you found your keys so you could have fun, fun, fun at that wedding!

  5. i was totally in arizona last weekend. i couldn't have loved the weather any more. pretty sure i got a shirt tan/sunburn haha

  6. I think heat is more of the abuser. At least with cold I can stay indoors cuddle a lot and have as much hot cocoa as I want. I'm glad everything worked or with the keys and the trip was sooo fun!

  7. Okay, don't tell people in the throes of abusive winter about your vacation with Mr Everything arizona spring!

    Talk about the perfect weekend! GAH. Love it.

  8. Sounded like a fun time! :)

    xx Denysia Yu

  9. I cannot wait to read on Thursday. The book grabbed me like no other. It is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read. I heart Agustus Waters forever.

  10. Looks like an amazing weekend!

  11. Your hair is getting long! Too cute!

  12. I'm probably one of the few people who actually enjoy weddings. Yeah, I complain about them a lot and it's always the "always a bridesmaid..." story. But honestly, I love them. They're fun and people can be reunited with old friends and family and if it's a friend who is far away it's like a mini vacation. YES PLEASE! Also, reception at a Mexican restaurant? BRILLIANT! I love Mexican food so I would have been ALL OVER that.

  13. glad you found your lost keys...and doesnt it make you feel better that you werent the one that lost them! I prefer to blame all lost items on the helps me feel less cuckoo!! love this friends are so special, they really do get you through all the rough moments when life becomes overwhelming! I read through your past entries that you linked to on this mentioned writing more about temple ceremonies at another time...i would love to hear about such a special moment in such a beautiful temple!! are pictures allowed?? everyone you have posted outside pictures of is just gorgeous!! as are you!! hope your have a great day (besides being back with your abusive cold cold boyfriend)!!

  14. What a great weekend!

  15. Yay for found keys! and for warm Arizona fun. I'm an Arizona native, currently freezing in Montana, I'm so over winter too.

  16. Your metaphor about the seasons and boyfriends is so funny. I love reading it. You're a great writer, no wonder you're an English teacher. I hope your students appreciate you.

  17. The keys story cracked me up! I would have immediately blamed someone else because I would never lose my keys. So glad you found them!

  18. Your hair is perfection, and I think we should be best friends. :) And you should totally kick Winter's abusive booty!!!

  19. Winter is the worst! Carrie Underwood should just write a song about him already so we can all acknowledge his awfulness and move on.

  20. Looks like you had fun!! Yeah, I'm with you. We woke up to 3 inches of snow today and it's been snowing all day long. What the?!?! The weather here BLOWS!!!

  21. I just LOVE weddings and weekends like this! And I love that you go to church while on vacation. I do too!

  22. Thank you for making me giggle and feel good I love weddings not that I have been to one in years....

  23. Well, come mid April us Arizonians will want to be with your abusive boyfriend. You see the perfect boyfriend isn't so perfect. He puts on a front. (no pun intended) (;

    So glad you had a good weekend!

  24. Found your blog a few weeks ago! Love your writing style and wish mine flowed as smoothly as yours. After reading your frantic post about your keys i found this on Pinterest. Do you have a birthday coming up???


  25. Holy shiz! This post was too funny! It was a great weekend in the AZ with you Bonnie! Thanks for being a real pal and hanging out.

    P.S. I'm stealing some of these pictures unless you want to email them to me. I need a new profile pic :)

  26. Speaking of desserts, we at Waffle Love can provide you with special waffles for your wedding. We have them in different flavors and your guests can get to choose the one that they want. Having us for your wedding catering orem-pro can save you some bucks. Although we made our products affordable for you, they are made with quality. We assure you that we will give you the most pleasant presentation for waffles. Not only that, you will find them healthy and mouth watering at the same time. We have them with fruit toppings along with chocolate and whip cream.