The Life of Bon: On Missing Out

Sunday, April 07, 2013

On Missing Out



A few nights ago I lay in bed talking with Greg, recounting the events of the day.  I told him something that my little sister, Mary, had told me- that she was thinking about moving out from my mom's place so that she could live in an apartment, meet more young people, and have more of the "college experience."

"She just doesn't want to miss out, you know?"  I said to Greg.

"I don't believe in missing out,"  he replied shortly.

"Excuse me?"  The dude had given me a weird reply.

"Yah, I just don't believe that you "miss out" on some things in life.  Whatever you end up doing you have certain experiences and opportunities that only that choice would have allowed you to have.  If you choose something else, then you have different experiences and different opportunities.  But it's not like you just miss out completely.  If she lives with your mom she'll have great experiences here.  If she moves out she'll have other great experiences.  But she won't miss out.  Whatever she chooses, she'll have the experiences she's supposed to have and she'll learn what she needs to learn and grow how she needs to grow.  I don't think you can live your life always afraid that you are missing something."

I guess I married a pretty smart man, huh?

"So you don't feel like you missed out by getting married so young?  You don't look at your single friends and feel like you missed out the young party life?" I probed.

"Not at all.  Because I've had the experiences I need to have and I've learned so much in this time.  And I don't think others who stay single or choose other paths are missing out on what I have.  They have other experiences."

I admit I have struggled comparing my lives to that of others- like I'm always chasing that elusive "perfect life." (Seven years ago I even wrote a post all about how scared I was of missing out.) Others seem to have perfect vacations, perfect clothes, perfect marriages.  It's hard to not compare and feel somehow insufficient, or like I'm "missing out" on these great experiences that life has to offer me.  Like I'm just sitting on the couch in the basement while everyone else is out there living these terrific lives.  I'm hoping to remember the words of old Hubs- that whatever I do I will have the experiences I need and that they will all somehow combine into a beautiful, happy life.

I don't believe in missing out.

Do you?

43 comments:

  1. I love his perspective! I try and remind myself that everything happens for a reason, but I'm afraid of missing out. I always look at other people's lives and wonder "why not me?" I have to remind myself to be happy with where I am. Easier said than done. :)

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  2. I've never thought of it that way! Your hubs is a smart man!

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  3. What a great way of thinking!

    Sarah

    www.etsy.com/shop/owleyevintage

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  4. What a smart guy! The best thing I ever read about comparing lives with other people was something like when you are comparing yourself to other people, you are comparing your insides to someone else's outside. It has really helped me when I feel like everyone else has it all together.

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  5. What a smart man. I think I need to start looking at life like that! Like, if I'm not going on an exotic vacation this summer, I'm not missing out. I'm having other experiences.

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  6. I've never thought about it like that. Great perspective!

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  7. I totally agree with him. My experiences have made me who I am and am better because of them.
    I don't believe in missing out!
    You two are some smart cookies!! :)

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  8. This is exactly what I needed to hear today!!! :)

    Amberly
    http://amberlyandjoe.blogspot.com

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  9. Okay, I love this so much. After reading this, and what your husband said, my answer is a resounding NO! I do NOT believe in missing out! :) Thanks for sharing. Seriously, this is good stuff.

    xo

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  10. I like his way of thinking and I totally agree! What a sweet guy you have there Bonnie!

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  11. Love this!!! Ive never thought to loom at situations this way, and a lot of times lately I have felt like I am "missing out" on experiences. I needed to hear this for sure :)

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  12. I love this! Your hubs is very smart. Thank you so much for sharing his perspective. I needed to hear this today. :) Glennon over at Monastery once posted that she was anti "carpe diem." I related to that post the same way I relate to this post. Thinking about missing out when you're single, married, with kids, without...it can make you feel panicky and pressured to make sure you've experienced what you should...when don't we believe in a Heavenly Father who has a hand in all things and he's the one who will make sure we'll get those opportunities as He sees fit. In everything we do, we could theoretically be missing out somewhere out. Luckily those needed experiences come organically.

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  13. i love this!!! i think i needed to read this tonight... i've been feeling like i'm "missing out" lately!

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  14. A wise man indeed!! I was married at 18 and used to think I "missed out" at first when I faced losing a lot of my friends as they went on to college and careers and I was a stay at home mommy and housewife. However, I now agree with your husband and love my experiences as a wife and mother and feel so blessed through them. I don't feel as though I've missed out on anything; rather I've embraced life and lived it. :-) I'm visiting from www.artistic31mama.com and the Mom's Monday Mingle and am following through all your social media. Happy to have found you! Have a great week!

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  15. I completely agree that we don't miss out, that the opportunities that represent themselves are their for us at those times to live out and experience, that things happen for reasons- for our greatest good, even at times when we think they are not. :)

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  16. Can't tell you how much I needed to read this tonight! Love this perspective! Thanks so much for sharing! :)

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  17. you DID marry a smart man! my sister has a similar outlook: if I were at home while all my friends were out on the town, I'd feel like I was missing out because I wasn't with them, but if Sarah were at home while her friends were out on the town, she'd feel like they were missing out because they weren't with her. I try to take her attitude whenever I can!

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  18. So very true! I have to remind myself of this a lot lately :)

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  19. love this way of thinking of things. we all do the things we are meant to be doing - love that!
    -- jackiejade.blogspot.com

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  20. Sometimes i think I've missed out on things, then I remember the awesome experiences or friends I've made because of my choices and it makes it all better. :)

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  21. Such a great way to look at life. Lately I have been having a really hard time with this- all my friends are getting married, having babies buying houses and I am just in school, but I too ma doing a lot of fun and great things sometimes it can just be easy to forget.

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  22. This post was totally what I needed to read today! I always weigh decisions on what to do against the 'opportunity cost' of what I'd be missing out on... but I think what your very-wise husband said is spot on! Thanks for sharing :-)

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  23. I love this because I do the same thing you do. I didn't go to college after high school so I always felt like I was missing out. This will be a great change in my thought process :)

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  24. Heyyyy, he is pretty smart. Love that reasoning, it really resonates with me!

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  25. I LOVE this! I worry about missing out ALL the time (being that one college student that lives at home)! Thanks profound greg!

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  26. You did indeed marry a smart man! ;) I've always been in the same boat as you, and never even thought of Greg's point. It's a good one though! Definitely changed my outlook on life. :)

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  27. Your hubs is smart! I feel like I'm "missing out" by graduating from college a semester early.

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  28. You got a real winner right there Bon!

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  29. I love this. I constantly think about what I'm missing out on, but this advice and perspective is incredibly helpful toward avoiding those pitfalls.

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  30. I never thought of it that way... Your hubs is a very smart & wise man:)

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  31. This is so obvious (seemingly), but so brilliant at the same time. No one has it all. We only see what it SEEMS like they have. And what they have that we don't? Welp, that's obviously not what we need. Smart hubs!

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  32. this is one of my favorite blog posts I've ever read. I love the message, it's so true and I never really thought of it that way before. thank you for this!

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  33. hello Bon! You are one crazy chick. I found you via Shanna Banana (you know who I mean) and since she is such a great blogger I want to rub shoulders with her followers/sponsors. I too LIVE in Utah. Yes, we are the same religion. Yes, LDS. (we just had an awesome weekend, huh?) Nice to meet you. I am follower #3038. Never forget that, k?

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  34. Hey Bon! I don't believe in missing out, either. My live could have been different, but then I wouldn't have my son.

    I'm a new follower from the Mom's Monday Mingle.
    Jen

    http://www.jenstangledthreads.com

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  35. I do believe in missing out... I can see why you and your husband don't though. I think it really depends on the situation and the person. If you are agonizing about choosing one good thing over another, then I can see why it's a positive thing to not subscribe to the whole "missing out" idea, because it can cause a lot of internal turmoil. However, if you spend every day of your life crammed in your basement playing video games, then you are definitely missing out...on everything! Or on a heavier note, if a child is severely abused or neglected growing up, they are missing out on the love of a parent and the stability of a home. So missing out is a real thing, just maybe not so much in the world of the educated and the privileged.

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  36. Missing out..............hmmmmmmm...........I use to think I missed out on the experience of living on my own but now not so much if I had lived on my own would my life had turned out the way it has........I don't know what I do know is that I like my life just the way it is...........

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  37. Holy moly I needed to hear this. I have been lately grappling with a lot of "what ifs". What if I didn't go to the college I went to, what if I didn't date my ex...what did I miss out on, what am I missing out on now because of those decisions, but he has a great perspective and I have tried to rid myself of the feeling that I am missing out.

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  38. This is perfection! Kuddos to your brilliantly smart husband!

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  39. This is a really nice perspective. It reminds me of people who break up with because one of them needs to "experience other things". It's such a crock. It just means you want to do something different. Your husband is right- you have what you're supposed to have from the choices you make, but you're never going to have it both ways.

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  40. Interesting thought. I still do think people miss out on certain things. I was dating this stupid boy in college, and I almost didn't go on a trip to Greece because I wanted to spend Christmas with him. We broke up a few months later, and I am SO glad I went to Greece. I definitely would have missed out. However, there is a lot to say about not comparing yourself to others by feeling like you're missing out. Good food for thought.

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  41. I LOVE that. Your hubs IS a very smart man.

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  42. NOW I don't believe in missing out. Thanks for this post!

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  43. haha - I'm agreeing with Hailey. Now it seems kind of silly to believe in missing out, huh? Yes indeed, you married a smart man.

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