The Life of Bon: Some marital differences, if you will.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Some marital differences, if you will.

Something very weird has been going on with the weather in Utah.  Yesterday the temps were in the high 50s and even touched 60 I do believe.  SIXTY!  IN FEBRUARY!  IN UTAH!

Naturally, I insisted we go outside and enjoy the sunshine.  I begged Greg for a late afternoon tennis date, and he relented even though I don't offer him much of a competition.  I love playing tennis.  I used to not love it because I wasn't good, but my brother, Reed, taught me a few basic tips and then I took a few community lessons,  and now I am at least good enough to enjoy it.  Volleyball used to be my sport of choice but the thing with volleyball is that it requires WAY too much work to get it together.  You've gotta find seven people who are willing and able to play, whereas with tennis you've only gotta find one.  Tennis wins.


At the tennis courts I noticed some of the essential differences between Greg and me.

DIFFERENCES:
1.  The courts were full.  I insisted we ask the users when they were going to get off.  Greg didn't want to bother them.  I did.  So I asked.  I will ask anyone anything, but Greg just doesn't like to bother people. He also doesn't like to tell a waiter if he received the wrong meal, tell the cashier if the price was rung up incorrectly, ask for a different table if we're smack in the middle of the restaurant.  Greg feels uncomfortable when I hassle people to get off the court or when I argue over an extra 50 cent charge at the grocery store, but to me it's just second nature!

2.  There were people everywhere at the park.  I loved it! The more the merrier.  I like to be right in the middle of the action where I feel like I am privy to all the fun times that anyone else is.  I seriously love crowds.  There were kids and dogs and families and it was awesome!  Greg doesn't like it when a place is crowded.  It gives him anxiety.  He would much rather we were the only people there whereas for me, if the park is empty that makes the place feel totally dead and deserted.

3.  After we'd been playing for about 45 minutes, a huge dog without an owner showed up in the park.  He was more like a wolf if we're being accurate with our descriptions here.  Mavvy's leash was tied to the tree, and Greg yelled a curse word, dropped his racket, and ran over to protect Maverick before the wolf-dog had even reached him.  I wasn't nervous a bit, I just wanted to keep playing.  Greg assumed the wolf dog was going to kill Maverick.  He wasn't.  He walked right past Maverick without noticing him, but that didn't too much to ease Greg's anxiety.

4.  There was a girl walking her very very fat dog around the park.  The dog could barely move.  He was more like waddling and the girl kept saying, "Come on!  You need exercise!"  Greg was so nervous for the dog and kept saying, "That dog is dying.  That girl needs to stop.  She's working him too hard."  Between the fat dog and the wolf dog, Greg was a bag of nerves!

On the way home we were kind of laughing about the whole situation, Greg explaining that he could hardly enjoy the tennis because he was so hyper aware of everything that was going on around him and nervous about it.  He stated that he had taken a personality test that said he was "ultra reactive" and always "assumes the worst."  Well, I'd say that's about dead on.  I'm the opposite.  I react slowly and usually think that if there is anything wrong, it's probably just a misunderstanding.  This can get me into trouble as I rarely think anything is a big deal or an emergency.  All I know is when our baby arrives it is definitely Greg who will be the over protective one.  

Anywhere we go Greg notices all the conflict and tension around us, and I'm just happy as a lark in a meadow.  "You couldn't tell that couple was in a fight?  There was some serious weird tension there!" He'll say to me on the way home from a restaurant.  Or "You didn't notice that kid torturing the cat?" or "You didn't see those kids steal that bike?" or "How could you not notice the sketchy man with the beard checking out all the girls? I'd call the cops on that guy!"

 And thus concludes our story of why Greg can't go to a crowded park on a beautiful spring day.  He's watching for thieves and killers and wolf dogs so the rest of us can enjoy our park in peace.

I'm always interested in the dynamics of others ' marriages.  What are some of the 
key differences in you and your spouse?  Any of the same ones as Greg and me?

24 comments:

  1. So funny, I know I am crazy for being up at 11:30 pm and posting a comment on your blog while watching Grey's Anatomy but I just had to say that my hubby and I are just like this. Only I am Greg and Zack is you. I love reading about others' marriage, it helps me feel more normal than abnormal. Loved the post!

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  2. I am Greg and Jeremy would be you. Another key difference in our relationship is my husband Jeremy is not a planner at all and I am a crazy organizer/planner. Honestly, we have more differences than similarities but it works for us. It has helped me to grow as a person.

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    1. This is the exact same as my relationship! I am super anxious, type-A, organized, and must have everything planned out. I just texted my fiance asking him what time a family dinner for his aunt was on Friday and he told me he wasn't going to tell me until Friday so it would drive me nuts (so I just texted his cousin and asked her). We have way more differences than similarities but I agree that it has forced me to grow and slow down a little bit and not be so anxious (definitely a good thing). I always say that we complement one another ;)

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  3. I'm like Greg. And I especially worry over dogs like he does! My husband would definitely be more like you.

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  4. My husband and I have more differences than similarities but we both need that - it makes us stronger! My husband is the cool, calm, collected, positive one....I am the complete opposite. I worry. I stress out...ALL THE TIME. I'm always lookin' on the bad side of things. I freak out over the smallest things. But my husband calms me down and I (in his words) 'light a fire under my butt when I need it the most' ha-ha So it just works for us!!

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  5. haha I'm sorry but the fat dog waddling and Greg's comments about it truly had me cracking up! I am definitely more like Greg though, I am hyper aware and always know who's doing what around me, and I'm a worrier! Plus I hate crowds! I definitely should pick up tennis though, I never even thought about it but you're right, it's such an easy thing to get one person to play instead of lots for most other sports!

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  6. I'm such a stressed out person and my boyfriend is like you- either he doesn't notice things or doesn't care! I hate bothering people for things, too. A lot of relationships have a "Greg and Bonnie" I think! This was just too funny

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  7. Hahaha Greg and I are on the same page when it comes to confrontation/bothering other people - I hate it, hate it, hate it! Other than that though, I'm reeeeeeeally laid back and not stressed about anything ever, ha.

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  8. This is SO funny! I am definitely a lot more like Greg - super aware and when I mention things to my husband later, he did not perceive them at all. Every once in awhile, he throws me for a loop though. ;) Loved this post!

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  9. Hah! yes this is definitely my husband and I. he is the most observant person ever. Me, on the otherhand, I miss EVERYTHING. But he's definitely more of the hassler. I totally let things go. He will march back in and demand for his money or whatever.

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  10. Man oh man, I get this, except I think I am probably a pretty unfortunate combination of the two sides of this equation. I will make us move in restaurants any time I feel even slightly uncomfortable, and I also tend to be a bundle of nerves. Basically, I'm a real treat. My husband, on the other hand, is just unbelievably chill. Our opposite demeanors are sometimes at odds with each other, but mostly they make up for what the other person lacks. I'm sure you and your husband are super compatible because of your differences!

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  11. Greg and I are kindred spirits, except for the part when I will bother people if I was charged incorrectly for something.

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  12. I am most definitely like your husband, ha! My marriage is similar with the roles reversed. I think it's good that my husband is more like you. Helps lighten my mood when I am anxious, to see that most of what I obsess about I shouldn't be worrying about!

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  13. We are a lot like you and Greg, except in reverse. My husband is an extrovert and loves when people are around. I get stressed and exhausted just thinking about crowds. I also tend to notice every single detail and pick up on others' emotions pretty easily, while the husband is always surprised when I point these things out to him. One time he said he thought I was psychic because I seem to "see things that aren't there." I told him it's just a matter of being observant. :)

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  14. I'm a lot like Greg and my fiancé is a lot like you. The only difference being that he's a cop, so he's hyper aware of every situation, always scanning the area making sure no thugs are coming in the door to attack us. While I definitely appreciate that I'm well protected, I would sometimes enjoy if he looked at ME when he was talking to me during dinner at a restaurant. But as far as everything else goes, he's so like you! He wants to be where the people are, whereas I get anxious in big crowds and hate being the center of attention.

    This may or may not be why I have begged him intently on just going to the courthouse to get married rather than this great, big wedding shindig everyone keeps asking me about.

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  15. Tim and I are so alike it is at times like we are one person, we both prefer to be alone, we both don't like crowds, we both can't be bothered to play sports, we both think family is so bloody important. I wonder if we were always this much alike or if after 30yrs together we have become more alike

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  16. My boyfriend and I are very different with that too - except gender opposite haha. I'm the control freak, the one that things of every bad scenario that could happen or reacts quickly to something I don't think could end well, whereas my boyfriend is just content with letting everyone else live their life and do their own thing and not worry about what's going on. lol I was wisely told that the reason opposites are perfect for each other though is because the other person has something that the other one craves. I crave to be more care free and I love that about my boyfriend and vice versa. I thought that was an interesting way to put it! :) Have a great week!

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  17. I think I must be related to your husband. INFJ's need solitude and quiet to be happy!!! Not sure if he is INFJ but he sure as heck sounds like it.

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  18. This post cracked me up. That was hilarious. I wish you had a picture of the really fat dog. My boyfriend and I are kind of the same way, but not as extreme!

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  19. Oh this just makes me laugh!! And for some reason I just picture a Dr Suess Lark rolling around in a meadow... and now I am cracking up! :)

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  20. I'm totally the one who notices more things, last night while at the emergency room with my husband and daughter, I noticed two cops walk in with the security guy, Paul didn't even notice. Then when they were leaving with a guy in handcuffs, he still didn't even notice, even when I was all "look at that, oh my goodness, wonder what happened?" He looked at me like I was crazy because he didn't notice anything.

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  21. On the way home we were kind of laughing about the whole situation, Greg explaining that he could hardly enjoy the tennis because he was so hyper aware of everything that was going on around him and nervous about it. He stated that he had taken a personality test that said he was "ultra reactive" and always "assumes the worst." Well, I'd say that's about dead on. I'm the opposite. I react slowly and usually think that if there is anything wrong, it's probably just a misunderstanding. This can get me into trouble as I rarely think anything is a big deal or an emergency. All I know is when our baby arrives it is definitely Greg who will be the over protective one.

    Dude - this paragraph? Seriously could have been written by me. Even the baby part (expecting our first together now). This whole post made me laugh!!

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  22. william and i aren't married, but we still have those little differences as a couple obviously. i'm def the one who gets excited about everything and loves to be super positive while he's more realistic, sometimes bordering on grumpy or negative. but i like to think i keep his head in the clouds while he keeps my feet on the ground :)

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  23. I am glad I am not the only one who notices all the difference between themselves and their spouse. I started to worry that we were too different, but I always just remind myself that's why I fell in love with him.
    I am a total people person and defintiely agree with you about wanting the park to be full of people. Brandon is the opposite and would rather intereact with as few people as possible.
    When we are out an about I will talk to anyone, Brandon is much more reserved. But funny that I would never make a complaint, but Brandon would.
    And that husband of mine loves hunting more than life itself, and to me, the idea of seating in a tree not making a single noise for hours, drives me insane!
    Being together has definitely started to mix our two personalities!

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