The Life of Bon: I salute you, Campus Policemen!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I salute you, Campus Policemen!

Happy Valentine's Day to all- and to all a good night!

Hubs and I had a quiet, peaceful Valentine's Day.

We went out to our favorite Mexican restaurant, Joe Vera's, gorged ourselves in chips and salsa, sipped soda until we were going to puke, hunkered down on juicy steaks, and then somehow found an entirely different stomach to fit in a little deep fried ice cream.

While eating we watched youtube videos of the phenomenon that is Jeremy Lin and talked about how we are going to survive now that the Jazz no longer have a winning record.

Were we made for each other or what?

On a completely unrelated note, every couple of weeks, my alma mater, BYU, releases a police report with their newspaper.  (I feel like this sentence has way too many commas, but for the life of me, I can't figure out which ones are unnecessary.  HELP!)  You know- criminal activity, drug cartel, the many rapes and murders.  I should warn you beforehand, this is a private religious university in a religious college town.  Let's just say the cops don't have as much to keep them busy as one would hope.  (Hence, my extensive history with traffic tickets.)

And now, without further ado, I present to you....


Feb. 8 – A student reported his bike stolen from the JSB bike lot. The lost bike and specialized helmet were worth about $350. The student said he did not lock the bike.

Feb. 10 – A student reported his bike stolen from the new Heritage Hall area. He said he did not lock the bike because he lost the lock.

Feb. 12 – A female student reported her iPhone stolen at the Cannon Center. While eating in the cafeteria, she left her phone on the table and went to get more food. When she came back, the iPhone was gone.

Verbal Altercation
Feb. 8 – Two male individuals were reported having a verbal altercation in the Smith Fieldhouse. One of them was a student, the other was not. They were arguing about a girl they both knew and dated.

Feb. 8 – An 11-year-old boy was reported missing at the Smith Fieldhouse by his father. They occasionally come to work out together. A BYU police officer was dispatched. A custodian reported the missing boy, who was wandering around in the building, to the officer. There was no crime and the boy was reunited with his family.

Feb. 12 – A husband resident of Wymount Terrace reported a missing wife. He told the officer his wife had not come back from grocery shopping. During the interview, the wife walked into the room.

Criminal mischief
Feb. 14 – Graffiti was found on a metal pole at the point of Maeser Hill. It was soon removed.

Feb. 8 – A deer was caught in the metal fence around the BYU Student Health Center area. The deer was soon freed.

Wow, rough week on the job for the Provo police, huh?  What, with the woman missing at the grocery store, the deer caught in the fence, and the two boys arguing over a chick they both liked, I don't know how those policemen survived!

My favorite line:  "A husband resident of Wymount Terrace".  What exactly is a husband resident?  And how does that differ from an aunt resident?  How about a grandpa resident?


  1. Sounds like a great V'Day!!! I got a pretty good laugh out of the police report. My favorite was the deer caught in a fence!

  2. LOL this is too good!!! I love how every single crime was due to complete negligence, or just a misinformed father or husband - so great :)


  3. Oh how adorably quaint! :D
    When I was at San Diego State University, my roommate and I enjoyed perusing the police reports and playing "guess which frat house had the most drunken altercations" and "how many prostitution arrests this week?". :)

  4. We are amused!My Dad gets really angry at the local weather man on the news who says things like "There'll be a spattering of rain." or "Today, a wooping wind." Imagine my poor dad's anger as he yells "What on earth does that mean man? Talk sense!" Amusing considering my dad is a pretty chilled guy. Rx

  5. bahaha the police beat is my favorite thing since freshmen year. can't get over it.


  6. Mexican...aaaaaaah yum- when we get to the States in a couple of months, I'm going to get the yummiest, most fattening thing on the menu, baha! :)

  7. Keep up the good work. Just wanted to appreciate your style of writing