The Life of Bon: Blessings

Sunday, April 29, 2012


On Wednesday, an old high school classmate lost her father in a plane crash.

I haven't spoken to this classmate in years, and have only known anything about her life from occasional status updates on facebook.  I never met her dad, and I never had a close relationship with her. 

But I felt crushed by the news all the same.

Ever since my own dad's death, I find myself so much more affected by loss.  (Don't tell anyone, but I sometimes cry when reading the newspaper.  Embarrassing, I know!)   

I sat down at the computer to send my classmate a little facebook message- to tell her I understood sudden and unexpected death.  To tell her I was sorry.  To tell her that she'd be okay.  That she should look for the blessings that come from this. 

Somehow I couldn't say any of that.  Because I remember all of those things being said to me, and I remember none of it helped.  I was sad, and I felt cheated and neglected, and nothing that anyone else said would help these feelings go away.  Looking back now on the tragedy of my dad's death, it doesn't seem so much a "tragedy", but rather an opportunity for growth and learning.  I thought of telling this girl of all the blessings I have seen since my dad's death.  I thought of telling her of the closer relationship with my mom, as we have had to cling to each other in my dad's absence.  Or of my greater understanding of the purpose and the power of prayer.  Or of my hope for the resurrection.  I thought of mentioning to her that I have greater compassion and sympathy for others who struggle and are in pain, and that that has served me in all aspects of my life. 

I even considered mentioning to her that I have a greater appreciation for men and the roles they play in our lives.  Interestingly enough, I don't know if I would have married Hubs without the sorrow, the vulnerability, the emptiness that my dad's death left with me.  I think I would have kept playing around, acting irresponsibly, dating losers, and trying to never grow up.  But when my dad left, my whole perspective changed.  I wanted stability, I wanted love, I wanted strength-  not fun, adventure, and freedom. 

But, of course, I couldn't say any of that to my classmate.  She is hurting too much to understand these blessings that will come. 

But they will come.


  1. And my heart aches for your loss. Whatever you did/do end up saying, I am sure she will appreciate having someone who knows what she is going through. :(

  2. So sorry that you lost your dad too soon. Your wisdom will be helpful to your friend at some point.

  3. Love this pic of Dad. It brings tears to my eyes

  4. I lost my mom, brother, and dad in just 6 short years beginning in 2000. It's something I will never "get over", but am so grateful that I had faith in God to pull me through those difficult days. So sorry for the loss of your classmate's father, as well as for your own. It's never easy losing someone you love dearly.

  5. I too lost my father suddenly when I was young. I also have the same exact reaction to those things that are said at times like that. I tend to stick with "you are in my thoughts at this time".

  6. I too lost my father suddenly when I was young. I also have the same exact reaction to those things that are said at times like that. I tend to stick with "you are in my thoughts at this time".

  7. You wrote that beautifully. I also lost my father suddenly young, when I had just turned 17, and he was 49. I think all the things you said are so very very true, I related to each and every one of those. Even the part about your husband, I as well realized later that that probably had something to do with why I wanted to settle down sooner then some of my friends (though it helped that I met a wonderful man :)..) I was trying to think if I would have appreciated hearing what you wrote soon after loosing my dad or if it would have been too hurtful to hear "the positive" so soon after, but I have to go with I would have wanted to hear some "hope" that good things can come out of something so bad. I think you should write you all of what you posted on here, I think it will help her in healing. She may not be in that step quite yet but when she is or if she is, it will help her.

  8. Sorry about your dad :( I can't even imagine. I think it would be awesome for you to say something to your friend later on down the road. Right now she's probably getting a lot more attention than she wants/needs. But what about a few months past the tragedy, she'll definitely benenfit from all you would like to tell her.
    Just a thought :)
    Love your blog!!

  9. I could not have read this post at a more perfect time. Ten minutes ago I found out that my father's best friend's son (it's a bit of a stretch) crashed his car right outside my neighborhood in Texas and died on impact tonight. I barely knew this guy, but when I received the news by email I felt such a whirlwind of emotions. Death in general is such a heavy, heavy topic with such similarly heavy feelings that come along with it. I can't imagine life without my dad, and I've never had the experience of having someone so close to me lose their lives, and I respect you so much for being so strong and having the ability to be so empathetic to your friend. Thank you so much for this post, really.

  10. ohhh... Im sorry :(