The Life of Bon: Things that must go

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Things that must go

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Hubs and I are off to St. George to roast in the 110 degree sun for a couple of days, so I'm going to keep this post short.  Also, I took a bit of a beating yesterday with my handicap parking confession so I'm still licking my wounds.  Too much typing hurts these bruises, you understand, don't you?

Before I leave you for the weekend I want to talk about a few things I've noticed lately.  Quite frankly, these are things that must go.  I don't want this to be a huge complaining post, mostly it's meant to be kind of funny and satiricial, but still hit on a few truths.  I'm thinking of doing a regular "Things that must go" thread, but am worried it might get too whiney and negative... anyway, I'll judge based on your reaction today if I keep doing it.  And please, be soft with your comments people- Bonnie's got feelings!  Even if she is a no good, horrible, lazy, classless person for parking handicapped when she's in a hurry, she's got feelings!

And now, without further ado...

1.  My voicemail inbox making me listen to my old messages every three weeks and resave them.  Hey, I said I want them saved, okay?  I didn't change my mind after three weeks, I want them saved!  I've got a lot of sweet messages saved on there, including messages from Hubs when we were very first dating... I certainly don't want those going anywhere.  However, I definitely don't have to relisten to them every three weeks and resave them.  Gmail doesn't make me read all my emails every three weeks and decide if I still want to keep them, does it?  Come on voicemail, why can't you be more like Gmail?!?  Is this only a Verizon thing, or is it all cell phones?  Verizon, fix this!  (Cody, I'm talking to you.  I know you have the power.)

2.  When people leave voicemails just to say "call me".  I think this is an older generation thing.  Do people not realize that I will see the missed call and just assume you want me to call you back?  Because I will.  If it's something important, shoot me a text!  Texts take .5 seconds to read and voicemails take 4 minutes to listen to.  Come on!

3.  I'm gonna say it, and some of you are going to call me out on it, but I just feel like I need to finally get this off of my back.  The moustache craze.  It's got to go.  I'm so sick of the moustache pictures, the moustace jewelry and the ever popular "I moustache you a question."  Can we be done with gross facial hair now?

4.  People who leave mean comments on blogs.

5.  People who leave anonymous comments on blogs.

6.  People who leave mean AND anonymous comments on blogs.  Like this on my post yesterday: (If you didn't read the post yesterday, you're going to want to- ESPECIALLY the comments.  I got dragged through the coals, my friends.)

Have to say its dishonest which puts on the level of LIAR! Having a parent who is actually handicapped and having seen people like you take the parking spot when lots are full, causing them to struggle in the farthest spot that does not have the extra room needed to remove and load a wheelchair, yeah I hate people who do that. Especially young able bodied people. Nice, real classy.

After I saw this comment, I deleted it. I didn't delete the comment because the author stated her opinion. I deleted it because it showed a complete lack of respect (like I say in my classroom, I don't care if you don't like me, I don't care if you disagree with me, but I do care that you respect me because that's what I deserve and that is what I give to you) AND because the author was hiding behind the safety of the ubiquitous "Anonymous" name. If you are going to say something that harsh I feel like you need to be willing to own up to it.  After I deleted the comment, "anonymous" would not back down.  She posted:

You deleted my comment. Did you not like me responding to your scale and saying that it's dishonest which make you the same as a liar? Or did you not like me saying that it shows no class and is rude to those who do need that extra space? Either way interesting of you to ask for feedback then delete it. To Jessi I agree with Mindy, yes some people abuse it does that mean you should?

Now... I realize that with my post yesterday I was asking for a little ridicule for so openly admitting something I have done that is wrong. (Also, just to get the record straight I feel like I need to say this is not something I do regularly.  I could count on one hand how many times I have parked in a handicapped stall.) I was not condoning the behavior, I was not justifying the behavior, I was asking readers to tell me how bad they thought it was.  I wanted readers to comment honestly.    HOWEVER... I was not expecting some to do it in such an unkind manner.  I felt like I was being honest by saying that parking in a handcapped stall wasn't something I understood the seriousness of and that I was willing to change.  I wanted readers' perspective on it.  Many people felt very strongly about the issue because they have people very close to them that are handicapped.  I appreciated those comments because it made me understand.  People who have never been in that type of situation (me) might not understand why someone could be so impassioned about it, and therefore need someone to explain it to them.  I understood the passion behind some of the comments because I am very sensitive about death. I think any kind of joke about someone dying is classless and immature and not at all funny.  Not in any way, shape, or form funny.  Because someone very close to me has died, I am extra sensitive and passionate on the subject.  Just like many of you may be on handicapped parking.  I DO NOT feel however, that such passion on the subject warrants calling someone classless, a liar, or lazy.  It was a simple lack of both understanding and empathy on my part. 

I would just offer this one piece to advice to anyone who leaves a comment on any blog/facebook/ media outlet: Don't say anything on the internet that you wouldn't say to someone face to face.  Be gentle with your critcism.  You can state your opinion without being blatantly rude.  Behind every blog there is a real person.  And words can hurt.

I know what you're thinking now.  Wasn't this post supposed to be a short post?  Yah, but it got kind of long on me.  So I guess I lied.  Which, I suppose, makes all the readers who called me a liar yesterday right. 

I'll be, we've come full circle, haven't we?!


  1. You're great. I wish I could say this to your face!!!! :)

  2. You go girl. Tell em like it is.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. I love that you posted their anonymous comments for us to read! I recently got a TON of hate comments because I posted about how I won't read 50 Shades of Grey and I don't think anyone should. Oh. my. goodness. People get angry, take it personal and personally attack! So I wrote a response, "Dear Anonymous" and now I won't publish anymore anon comments. It's so cowardly! If you have something to say, something you care enough to write on the internet, use a name for crying out loud. It doesn't even have to be your real name! Just stop hiding.

  5. I guess I shouldn't blog about the time I got a friggin ticket for pulling into a handicapped parking spot to let my daughter out IN THE POURING RAIN in front
    of her school and seriously almost went bat s**t crazy on the cop?? I guess I will learn from you, dear Bonnie. You Go, Girl!

  6. You are amazing. Don't let them get you down!

  7. I went back and read some of the comments--good grief, they did ream you! My theory in blogging is if you don't agree with what the post is saying, don't comment. Especially if you're going to be rude about it. I used to have an anonymous ("troll" I think is what they call them) who would post nasty things and I had to block anonymous posts so they would quit.

  8. Love your post. Couldn't agree more.

  9. I once started a holy war on Facebook because I mentioned how the NY senate was going to be voting on same sex marriage and the debate (I work in a senator's office) had been interesting.

    Oh Em Gosh. Nasty, nasty, nasty. And I lost a few friends

  10. I don't need to read any more than this post to know I am about to love your blog! Looking forward to "getting" to know you better!

  11. Thanks for sharing the comment. That person was plain mean to say that to you. It might not be the best thing to do all the time, but hey most of the time those spots aren't even taken and they are just sitting there... so why not? Plus, sharing stories like that make you look more like a real person. We all things that we might not be proud of, but owning up to it is huge! You rock Bonnie! <3

  12. I have blocked anonymous comments on my blog for this reason. I think my style of humor may irritate many people. That is fine. I KNOW that not everyone gets it. I know that it's a bit kooky. I am okay with it.

    I'm not very sensitive to stuff said on the internet, mostly because I've had a total of one blog hater in my life and it was on Pinterest. I just shrug it up to that they don't know me and it honestly doesn't matter anyway. They don't have to read my blog.

    I do not allow anonymous comments because it enables mean-spirited people to tell you exactly what they think about you without any reprecussions. That is cowardice at it's finest and I think it is totally unacceptable. I have posted honest thoughts on poeple's blogs before. They are in no way mean, but they aren't exactly nice either. They asked for a response, I gave it to them. It doesn't do anyone any good to lie to them. But I have always put my name behind it because my thing is if I can't put my face (or my blog name) behind my comment, then my opinion really isn't worth much. And my comment is probably more vicious than I would have originally intended.

    Anyway, Anonymous needs to grow some balls and say that with their real profile. I think it's extremely hypocritcal to come at someone like that without the dignity of saying who you are. And if I were you, I'd just shut down the anons completely on my comments. ;)

    PS I am emailing you too! I am so essscited about your comment on my blog!

  13. Good for you! I think it takes bravery to be honest in your blog, and it's sad when people can't be polite about it while sharing their opinion. It's your blog so I think you have every right to delete a comment you don't think is respectful.

    Good on you x

  14. I wrote 2 comments on the original post, and I really hope they didn't come across harshly, because I think you're the greatest blogger I follow. I love that you have been willing to be honest with us, and I would hate if my comments were too strong. You're awesome, and don't you forget it!

  15. i agree with your entire list. SO over the mustache trend. :) i don't blame you one bit for deleting that comment. i had a problem with an anonymous commenter while posting about my struggle with infertility. i was so hurt by their continuous nasty comments that I finally disabled anonymous commenting altogether. it's amazing just how hateful people can be, especially when they can do it secretly. didn't their moms ever teach them that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?!?

  16. Ok maybe I'm wierd but I dont think "anonymous" comment was that bad. I have seen a lot of hateful mean comments out in the blogging world and this one was direct and blunt to be sure but not mean spirited. They seemed offended by you and like someone who has been personally hurt by the situation of handicapped parking. Who knows why they were anonymous (and why does everyone assume they are a girl? ) I just think it was pretty mild on the scale of critical comments. And I hate mustaches.

  17. People who post anonymously are simply spineless in my opinion. Whether you parking in handicapped stalls is morally wrong or not, I rate you way above the anonymous commenter for being brave enough to ask for some tough feedback. I also felt people were way too hard on you. We all make mistakes every single day of our lives, and there is no need to be so rude and judgemental when calling people out on those mistakes. I think President Uchtdorf said it best last general conference, "don't judge me because I sin differently than you". I personally think you are one classy lady and I will continue to enjoy your blog!

  18. That's tough with the anonymous comments...I'm glad I haven't had to deal with anything like that yet. But, you're right on with the mustaches. I don't like them in real life or the monstrous amount of fake ones that seem to be so popular now.

  19. Love your blog! Not sure how my first comment got deleted? But anyways, your blog is great and you are hilarious! Don't let others get you down. Have a great getaway with your hubby and keep bringing the honest blog posts. Those are my favs! :)

  20. YES about the mustache craze! Yeah, it can be goofy and fun - but in general it's just dumb. I RARELY like a mustache on a man, it looks weird. So I don't understand why they are so "cool" now. Silly fads.

  21. Hi Bon! Just started following your blog recently and I love your honesty--that takes balls, girl! Especially when you know ppl might give you a hard time. I totally agree that you should never say something on social media you wouldn't say in person!! Have a great vacay! :-) jenn

  22. I am also tired of voicemails and the mustache craze. It's too much!

  23. Anonymous8:43 PM

    Dear Bonnie, it's "anonymous" here. Coming to claim my comment. Since I'm so spineless and all. First let me start with a little story.

    Once on the day before a very hot July weekend I was heading to the local Walmart in Price, UT with my handicapped parent. You may have been there before Bonnie when it seems everyone in Carbon and Emery county is shopping before the big weekend . Parking spots were slim. So as my parent and I head towards the last handicapped spot. A car pulls in before us. Dang it we lost our spot I think. Then a bunch of laughing teenagers tumble out of the car and head into the store seemingly oblivious to the van with its handicapped sticker sitting there. We then had to park in the farthest spot causing my parent to have to struggle in the heat for an extra 15 minutes to get in the store, when it would have taken the teenagers maybe 30 extra seconds to walk across that lot. All in the Heat which causes my parent to have extreme exhaustion. Obviously I was very upset.

    Now you were not that bunch of teenagers but I directed my emotion from that event on you and for that I'm sorry. You did however portray the same flippant attitude that those teenagers did. Despite today's post in which you state that you have rarely parked in such spots amd that you were looking for feedback on the severity of this, no i think your original post implied the exact opposite. Saying things like you have taken to parking handicapped parking at your local grocery store, that cops who write tickets for such a thing must have nothing better to do, and then even mocking the extra space the spaces need (ok you say you didn't know what the space was for but come on your a smart girl, if you had taken two seconds to really consider it you could have figured it out.)

    So I stand by what I said. Now I don't think you are the things I said all of the time. But it's like what I teach my children you are not mean (or whatever trait is the problem) but you are acting that way. And yes when you park in a handicap spot it is dishonest, it is not classy (come on a classy lady would never do that) and it is rude, and no I don't like people who do not think of how their actions affect others. So what I said was the truth. I may not have made it pretty by apologizing before I stated the truth, but I stand by it. And yes if I had been in your presence I would have said the exact same thing to your face. It would have actually been easier because then you could have seen the hurt and anger in my face and understood me better. If I do ever run into You I promise I will say something to you.

    As to why I posted this anonymously well one I dont have a google account and am not creating one just to comment on your blog. Two yes we are from the same small town (your dad was my stake president for awhile) and so no I did not want this to become a personal attack done over the web, that seemed cruel to me. And lastly I'm not going to use my real name because Internet safety 101 never use your real name, (which by the way you do realize you have given out your full name, your husbands name, basically where you live and the fact you are going to be gone all weekend..... Safety Bonnie safety!!) so with that you can call me Betty its a nickname my dear loved one calls me. I live on the East Coast now have small children a wonderful hubby also from Price, and no pets. Now you know me. Does that make you feel more respected?

    You are a great writer, and I'm sorry that I upset you, but to me it was the truth.


  24. Voicemail in general annoys me! I save my nephew's cute ramblings (my # is first on everyone's phone, so he always calls by mistake) and like you said, I still want them!
    I am trying to train my family and friends that unless my phone goes straight to VM, I will know you called... do NOT leave a msg! I seriously hate checking my msgs!

    Also... I completely agree with the mean comments... I feel like too often people feel "safe" to be so rude, just bc it's the internet. They don't realize that what they say can still hurt.

    Have a great weekend... love your blog!

  25. So I read this post and while I have had personal experience with a wheelchair bound client I worked with for about 6 months, I have had many times where I've had to park at the very back of the parking lot to be able to get her out of the van. Annoying? Yes. Did I die because I had to do it? No. Did I even think that some people were misusing the spots? Not at all. On that note while I was reading this I realized, do I park in handicap spots? Not ever. (But mostly because I love parking super far away so I can hopefully get some sun while walking to the store. Although, I'm still white!)

    But, it DID get me thinking of something just about EVERYONE does. Think about using the handicap stalls in the restrooms? Ever done that one before? Just as wrong as taking up a handicap parking space. Does this make you classless? A liar? Disrespectful? I guess so. What about sitting in the handicap spots at the movie theater? Or at a play? Anything that is designated for the handicap is the EXACT same as a parking spot. Not everyone is a saint out there. I am 100% positive that each person out there has done something equally as lazy in your life. He who is without sin may cast the first stone.

    Also, Bonnie, I did some research and even asked a 911 dispatcher about the no sign thing and someone who is going into criminal law. Everyone I asked said that it was in fact LEGAL to park in a space without a handicap sign. Since the paint could still be there from when they redid the new spots and the store just hasn't gotten rid of the paint. The dispatcher said that it was legal to do it but to make sure it wasn't just some hoodlum stealing the sign. So on your scale.. I'd say a 0. Because you did nothing illegal. :)

    "A prominently displayed blue sign saying, "parking by disabled permit only," is required in every state. They must be posted in front of every handicap parking space."

    Read more: Rules for Handicap Parking Spaces |

    Also in my research I found that in most states the fee of parking there illegally MUST be posted on the actual sign in order for it to be illegal for anyone to park there.

    PS. You're blog rocks. I wish I was just like you!

  26. So I guess we all got some doozies in the anonymous comment world this week. I've attached my post with some awesome anon comments. Now I'm off to read your original post. I'm new here. Nice to meet you.
    Since I'm typing from my phone it won't let me link it. So it's my keep calm post from this week.
    Great post!!

  27. @Anonymous: Thank you for giving your side of the whole debacle. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings or offended you in anyway. Please know that that was not my intention and it was done in ignorance. I completely understand why you would be hurt or angry at the situation. I am sorry if you feel like I "attacked" you. I suppose I was feeling quite defensive, but that is not an excuse. I am sorry.

  28. This comment has been removed by the author.

  29. Nicely done.

    I heart blog world.

  30. I wanna know if you ever found a way to get the messages off the phone and onto something more permanent. :)
    I had a surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy. I sent a thank you card to my surgeon. He took the time to call me several times {I ignored it because I didn't recognize the number :)} Finally, he left me the sweetest, most encouraging, heart-felt message ever. It made me cry, and sooooo every few weeks, I go on and re-save it. Ugh! If you know a way to get them off and save them, please holler. I know I won't have this phone forever, and I don't know if the voice mails will transfer over to a new phone?