Sunday, November 25, 2012

Marriage: The good, the bad, and the fighting.


I would always like to know a lot more about people's lives than they are willing to let on.

Some might say I'm a busy body.
I say I have a genuine interest in people.

I'm especially interested in marriage.  And other people's marriages.  And how everybody in this great, big world make their marriages work.  Marriage is one of those things that I almost feel like people won't talk about very in depth.  Oh, don't get me wrong, people will talk about marriage, but it's always in these broad sweeping overstatements like "It just wasn't working out,"  or "We definitely have issues we don't see eye to eye on,"  or "Our marriage doesn't come easy, but we make it work."  In terms of specifics, what does any of that even mean?  And why don't people who have been married for years and years give more specific advice to us newbies in the field?

One thing I wonder about a lot is how other couples deal with disagreements.  In other words, fighting.  Do Hubs and I argue more than the average couple?  Less?  We definitely go through patches where it seems like we argue about anything and everything, and then there are patches where we live peacefully week after week after week, floating in a state of seemingly endless bliss.  Do all couples follow a pattern like this or is it just us?

Right now I am making a conscious effort to "bicker" less with Hubs.  You know, to stop picking fights with the boy.  Growing up, my siblings used to tell me that I just liked to argue, it didn't matter what the issue was, I would fight it to the death.  Of course I didn't believe them, they were all morons in my book, but as I have grown and married I have wondered if this is true.  How many times does it even matter what I am arguing and how many times am I arguing for the sake of arguing?  Or for the sake of being right?

I was recently at a bridal shower where we played "Family Feud" bridal style.  One of the questions was "What are some of the biggest things married couples fight about?"  and then the top four answers were listed.  Can you guess what they are?  (Answers revealed tomorrow!)

What do YOU and your significant other fight most about?  Do tell.  Do tell.

P.S.  I'm opening up anonymous comments on this, just for the sake of truthful commenting.  Post anonymously if you want or post as yourself, whatever floats your boat, people!

P.P.S.  I have one large spot and two medium spots left for sponsorship in December.  Email me at lifeofbon@gmail.com if you are interested.  (Sponsor info here)

P.P.P.S.  Happy Monday back from Thanksgiving.  Blah.  Double blah.

53 comments:

  1. We fight a lot about money. I feel like I try and try to save it and my husband turns around and spends it on golfing and groupons. Of course I don't count any money I spend at craft stores because as a former Home Ec teacher I just feel like that's part of my job or something. So I've been trying to do less of that, put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. Also we argue about how to raise Olivia. I have very strict rules about bedtimes, nutrition, temper tantrums and he is less strict. . . And then I feel like I'm losing control of my child and so I've had to come to terms with the fact that I am a control freak and maybe a cookie after dinner is not such a big deal.

    And there are other petty little weird things, but those are the things that come up over and over again. I have no answers, I just know we're in this for the long haul and as long as he's willing to put up with my crazy, I'm willing to put in effort to be less so.

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  2. I am much less further along in a relationship than you, Bon, so I have a few questions for you, since in my eyes you're the one with the experience. When did you and Hubs have your first fight? How do oyu resolve these things? And how do you know when you're being petty and when it's imprtant to stick to your guns?

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  3. If I had to guess what other people fight about, I would say money, family members maybe, the toilet seat?

    IDK my hubby and I don't fight much, we more bicker about small things like what to watch on tv or what are we eating for dinner kinda thing

    gl0ssi.blogspot.ca

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  4. I would say money is probably the most argued about. My fiancé and I argue most about time together. I like to be alone and connect and have time to communicate whereas he is just as comfortable not talking at all.

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  5. I pick fights too. I need to grow up. Ryan doesn't care, so that irks me, so I get even more upset. He is too chill about things, I think.

    We fight mostly when I am hormonal and think that he isn't paying attention to what I want him to pay attention to. So, stupid stuff.

    We don't fight much about money. We have the same goals and if we make any purchases the other person knows about it. It isn't asking permission, it is informing.

    So I guess to sum up, we fight about stupid stuff when I am crazy and it is mostly my fault. :) (Oh, and we have been together 9 years, married 8.)

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  6. My husband and I have only been married for a few months and really haven't had a fight but we do have the occasional little bicker.

    I'm kind of a free spirit and he really likes things to be organized and perfectly planned out. Sometimes we argue that he lectures me too much about me not optimizing my time. :)

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  7. i bet a million dollars the number one thing people fight about is money. i love spending, he loves saving. i have had to learn to communicate about money rather than be sneaky at target!

    we used to disagree about how to spend our time - a fun time to me is just the two of us or just our family where he gets so excited to hang out with a big group of friends. once we realized it's just the introvert/extrovert thing we stopped fighting and just embraced that about the other person and now make sure we do both!

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  8. We've been together for 7.5 years, and I can tell you that for the whole duration of our relationship and now marriage, our fights are about the same thing 97% of the time. He has no tact, and I take things wayyy to personally and am wayy to defensive. So, he says something he doesn't think is mean/rude [but it sure sounds that way], I get insanely butt-hurt and defensive about it. How silly is that!!!!! But, he doesn't learn to watch is tone, and I don't learn to not take it personally so we are doing it to ourselves. I did a post a while back about our personality types [Choleric, Phlegmatic, Melancholy or Sanguine] and being aware of the type we each are and how we're wired has helped, but we still struggle. And Bon, we have phases too! We float along blissfully for a couple months then we will have a week or so where its fight night every night over here.

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  9. We fight about the stupidest things, like where something should be put away, etc.. We are both so stubborn. I think I am always right and he thinks he is. But, we can't stay in a fight longer than an hour. I think that is the longest we have been "mad" at each other.

    We usually end up saying sorry then kiss and make up with a little snuggle!

    I always wonder if other couples fight like we do, or how much do they fight too! Wonderful post Bonnie!!!
    XOXO

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  10. Also, I pick fights too when I am pmsing. I think it's a girl thing to pick fights. haha! && I think occasional fights really make a marriage. If a couple NEVER fought or disagreed it would be boring in my book. I mean come on has anyone not fought with theyre spouse?!

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  11. I'm gonna have to say ditto to most of the posts above me: money honey!! I've been married for 3 1/2 years and this is by far the fight the comes to visit the most! As far as everything else goes, my husband spent a year in Iraq with the Army; after war, the little things don't seem much worth arguing about anymore =)

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  12. it's so refreshing to see someone speak so openly about marriage. i think it's needed more, the good the bad and the blunt. i had a friend that once a month a ton a girls got together and had a little potluck. over dinner they were free to ask any question, or make a rant with no judgment and people sharing their honest opinions. i would love something like this. so often we think 'are we crazy, are we normal?' and we never know. if we're all a little more open maybe we all would feel a little better. i feel like the hubs and i go through up and down cycle that you talked about , for a long time it's like a fairy tale then it's a rough patch. we're both working on it but i think that's what's most important, that we're both working.

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  13. I am right there with you! Marriage and other people's marriage fascinates me!! I love marriage and learning and reading more about it!

    My husband and I argue most often about his mom

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  14. Anonymous4:41 AM

    Fighting is normal - it helps you understand each other and set your boundaries as a couple. I can say that it will get better once each of you ultimately understand that there is no human more important in your life than your spouse. I've been married 31 years and life just keeps getting better and better. Both of us think we're the lucky one! Plus, when we do fight, we know that there is nothing that will break us apart. So there is a freedom in that.

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  15. Hi Bon, just popped over to read your blog after the comment you wrote on mine and fell in love with it! You are so open and honest! But in response to this post I must say that my husband and I never really faught/argued until after we had a child and I think it's mainly due to my insecurities ie I became a full-time stay at home Mum so not earning money and I tend to get very defensive over off hand comments he can sometimes make but not really mean anything by. I feel like I've become a lot more serious but endeavour to be more easy going in the future!!

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  16. We've been married two years--and and thus far....the 2nd year has been MUCH more peaceful than our first year. I think we learned a lot from fights in our first year. Unlike lots of people. we've really never fought about money--we just so happen to both be savers and we're pretty good at listening to each other's ideas about money. Families...on the other hand...what I learned from the first year is that it really hurts Angel when I compare his family to mine because we come from such different backgrounds. It took me a while but I have learned that and I think that contributes to peace now. And then there were the silly things.....but one time after a big fight in our first year of marriage, Angel bought me a dollhouse...so that was a happy ending!

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  17. My hubs and I are about 1 month away from our one year anniversary. I must say this first year (especially first 6 months) was much harder than I ever imagined. I think when everything that was yours and his becomes "ours" (money, bills, lifestyle, putting the toilet seat down, laundry, taking the trash out, etc.) things change. I learned a lot about myself. The ladder half of this year has gotten much easier. Both of us have learned to give and take a lot more. All I can say is compromise, compromise, compromise. I think marriage takes hard work and lots of making up :).. at the end of the day its beyond worth it.

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  18. We're still newlyweds... just hit two years a couple weeks ago. I'd say we tend to just bicker about stupid stuff...which is good because I know others who have major blowups about serious issues. I think you bring up a good point about arguing with siblings. I'm used to it (I'm one of three) and my husband is an only child so sometimes I think he doesn't know how to argue with me and then I feel bad. My one piece of advice is to recognize when you're being unreasonable and apologize. It's really hard...and I have to keep working on it, but I think it helps smooth over any argument.

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  19. Marriage is hard. I truly think people need to be told that before getting married. It takes work and sacrifice and it isn't always rainbows and butterflies.
    But, it is also wonderful and worth it. If you can choose to make it through the hard times, you will enjoy the good times more. At least, that is how I feel in my marriage.
    We've been married for 14 years and we still fight quite a bit. Mostly it's over money or work time vs. family time.
    My husband says that arguing with your spouse means that you care. It is something that matters to you. You only fight for what you care for. (I know, ended with a preposition)
    When you stop fighting, you stop caring.
    People are different, just because you got married doesn't magically make you of one mind on everything. It means you are willing to work through the disagreements and complement each others personalities.
    Just my 2 cents. :)

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  20. My Tim and I have been together for 20 years married for 16. We have four kids 12, 9, 7, 6. (I swear I'm not THAT old) I agree I think that people tend to hide their marriage "problems" until they get so bad they end up getting divorce. I think that if we all opened up and talked about it we would see that we are more normal then we thought and that we might even be able to help save some marriages. Tim and I also go through those spots where we fight (of course we call them "discussions"..he he ) and then there are times when you swear you can hear harps playing. :) I guess one thing we try and do is decide before throwing down and fighting it out...is this the hill I want to die on?? If not then we let it go..I mean you can only die once right?!? Also, I think it's good (as long as you fight in a healthy way) to let your kids see you fight. That way someday when they get married they know it's normal and okay. That mom and dad still love each other but they can be just like kids and fight but get over it...we never go to bed mad. Even if that means we stay up all night. Also, BIGGEST thing for us...is that we have GOD in our marriage. We pray for each other. I think if you pray for someone it's very hard to hold anger.

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  21. Anonymous8:24 AM

    This is going to get cheesy and cliche: all you need is love. Duh, there's a reason those are lyrics. I'm finding out the hard way that if you don't have love it doesn't matter how much or how little you fight. I've been married 3 1/2 years to someone who either doesn't love me or doesn't know how to show it, because of this I don't love him. It's pretty lonely.

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  22. Anonymous9:40 AM

    I was always told couples fight the most over three tings, and since I've been married (2.5 years) and my sisters have been married (7 and 10 years)we both agree to three things that we fight over the most: 1. in laws 2.money 3. sex and my husband and I added a 4. time (like if the hubby is way late for dinner, not enough time, etc...) How my husband and I handle arguments, we try to apologize and make amends asap, we have learned that the hard way, but we've also learned the importance of open communication (talk about it, easier to prepare and prevent a fight) and when in a fight apologize, just let go of pride. I love you blog, and I totally agree with the comments above that fighting is normal.

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  23. we fight about everything :) absolutely everything, most times it's just bickering or 'debating' (hah!) but we are definitely fighters, we get over it though We went awhile without fighting and I was freaking out and didn't like it and we sat down and talked about it and we decided that all the fighting means we're passionate ;) I am not ashamed to have an ahem, passionate marriage lol <3

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  24. We definitely have rough patches followed by really easy weeks. Mostly we argue over each others jobs or what to splurge money on. Hubby likes to go big or go home when it comes to big purchases. I tend to play the what if game and worry about what bad things will happen if we spend more than planned. In the end manage to work it out so that we both feel good about the decision though. As far as arguing about our jobs, we both love what we do. However we both have slow and busy periods at work and our slow periods don't seem to coincide often at all. Because of that, we both find that we argue about the other working too much. In general though I don't think anyone has a perfect marriage all the time. People aren't perfect and they make mistakes. What I think is important is how you approach each others imperfections.

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  25. i'm not married yet but living with my boyfriend and i have been wondering about whether or not other couple have fights too. we definitely have our fair share of fights but i guess you could say most of them are "bickering" because they arent usually over important things. we also have weeks that go by when everything is really great .. i definitely prefer those weeks. the last few months i have also tried to make the resolution to not nit pick so much so hopefully those little fights will start happening less :)

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  26. Anonymous11:02 AM

    We never argue about money. That is one huge area we agree on. My husband has a son from a previous marriage, and we raise him" this is probably our biggest conflict. How to discipline, when to be hard or easy, and of course THE EX! It is a never ending battle with his mom! It is hard because my husband is always in the middle, I try to no be in the middle but that is very hard to do!

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  27. I'm not an expert by any means but I thought the first year of marriage was the hardest for us. We have been married for going on 6 years. We have 3 children, 2 of them from his first marriage. Almost all of our fights have been over money and issues with the kids/his ex-wife. Honestly, my husband is the most easygoing guy in the world, and I can be pretty uptight, so I would say that I probably start the fights. Marriage is wonderful, it can also be very hard, I guess I would say that it does take work, especially when you have kids.

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  28. I have always heard that couples end up calling it quits over some of the smallest things (like the toothpaste cap). Colon and I don't usually argue/ fight too much. We usually have little bouts about stupid things.

    When we do fight, it's mostly when he says that the way I do things lacks common sense. The thing is, he just WILL NOT try to see things my way.

    Great post!

    XO Lourdes

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  29. we fight a lot. but i am a feisty girl and he is very stubborn. I think fighting is healthy but sometimes I can go overboard.

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  30. I've been married about 8 years and I have learned to bite my tongue more than I did in the past. Once you have a couple of kids and are married for a bit you find that if you say something every single time you are annoyed you will always be bickering. I save the arguments for things that are really important to me. I feel like we rarely fight now and it is nice, and peaceful.

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  31. We snap at each other a lot. I think we both get frustrated, let the stress get to us, let our anger and stubborness take hold of our emotions, and we let it out on the other person. It's funny, because I wouldn't be like this to anyone else, and I know he wouldn't either. It's like we're so close that we can snap at each other like that. It isn't very good and we do apologize and let each other know when our feelings are hurt.

    That being said, he's my bestest buddy!

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  32. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  33. I'm no expert on this subject. I'm just 20 {I forgot that I was my birthday the other day! I'm used to saying 19}. I'm not married, but I do have a boyfriend. We have been together for 6 years. We have lived together for about a year-and-a-half and we have a 13 month old son. We go through those same patches where we fight all day every day over EVERYTHING and then we'll go for weeks or months at a time without even arguing. We mostly fight over him not helping out with the house and our son. But other times, he's just plain dumb and I don't understand ha! So we fight about the stupid things he says or does that don't make any sense. All in all, I want to be with him forever and I honestly can't imagine my life without him. I don't ever want to. We work through our problems and just move on!

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  34. Anonymous2:24 PM

    Great post.

    My hubby and I have been fighting like cats and dogs for the past few months. I hate it but we can't see to get out of this rut! Since we've had a baby we fight so much. It makes me sad!! I always feel like everything I do goes unappreciated and I feel like I get no help .. and I'm guessing he feels unappreciated too.
    Praying that God renews our relationship.. because we sure need it!

    Any other young mommas have a tough time getting used to fulfilling your role as a wife AND a mother?

    Are we the only ones who fight so much since having a baby? I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

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  35. Hi Bonnie!

    I am finally getting a sometime to come back to your blog and say hi!

    Thanks again for visiting my blog and following along - I am happy to have a new friend!

    So, as for your question - I am currently separated and would say that my husband and I fought about stupid things - never the improtant life things - big mistake! Our communication sucked! We also fought about what I wanted/needed -- he had a very hard time understanding that.

    Love that you are bold and and curious - I am too - I love hearing about peoples lives and their journey - you go girl!!

    xoTiffany

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  36. We tend to go through spurts of fighting as well. Before we were married we fought a lot more. Those huge blow up fights where you can't even remember what started it when you're done. Mainly I think it was because we did long distance for so long and never saw each other.
    Now that we're married we haven't had very many fights, mainly just arguments over little things. Hubs is super laid back and I'm just not. Thankfully I've been able to learn to let go of things that just don't matter, like the dishes being washed the second they're used.
    Our biggest fights since we've been married happened when I was in grad school working 20 hours a week and hubs was taking a break from school and didn't have a job yet. We had just gotten married and Hubs still acted like he was living at college, not cleaning at all, and just playing video games all day. It stressed me out to be busy all day and then come home and need to clean and do dishes when he had been home doing nothing all day! Thank goodness Hubs got a job and learned to at least do one thing every day.

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  37. Honestly husband and I don't fight much but our biggest fight was over money. However, last night we bickered over whether or not women were challenged in the direction department. So I'd say we bicker more over the small stuff but not necessarily fight. Does that make any sense?

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  38. I think couples fight most over money, sex, and expectations.

    I'm not married yet (engaged, though!) which means my money is still mine and I'm not having sex...but I can definitely attest to the fact that expectations are a HUGE issue! We actually talked about it in marriage counseling yesterday - my pastor said having unfair expectations for one another is the most dangerous thing couples can do.

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  39. Holy moly, so many comments and thoughts! I loved reading everyone's comments because this is such an interesting discussion. I'm not married and have some severe commitment issues (I am just now working on the words "relationship" and "boyfriend". that's an exaggeration but it is almost that bad..) and as a result, I obsessively study everything to do with human relationships. I think, across the board (so including romantic relationships as well as friendship and family relationships) the most important tool is clear and effective communication plus alleviating expectations of the other person. Having acceptance, an open heart and an ability to listen and hear someone. Men and women are so different in the way we think, respond, feel, etc - and yet so similar. I love that you got everyone's minds spinning about this! I can't wait until I'm married and can laugh at how I thought I could learn everything by studying haha - though I do think in many ways I'm ahead of some couples that I know, who can't have a healthy conversation. Love is such a wonderful gift, I think it's worth the effort.

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  40. It definitely goes through phases over the years.

    Then one day, you will find yourself rolling your eyes and shrugging off some behavior of his that years before may have made you go mental. You still bicker over stupid little things, you still have some fights, but you also just learn to live with some of those things that used to drive you nuts. Like how he cannot remember to tell you when he grabs the last roll of toilet paper or he just used the last piece of bread to make a sandwich. Or he used the last of the milk in his coffee. Then you realize this is old married people behavior and that you have become one. And life is good because you can punish him for this by sending him out on a cold, rainy night to pick up whatever it was he used the last of. Better yet, he realizes his mistake and offers to run out.

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  41. the fight that is fought most often between me and my significant other. the one that is SO stupid and ridiculous and immature, and yet it happens so often. who loves who more. okay maybe it's a little more in depth than that.
    for example: I always seem to think that I try harder to show him I love him, or I express it more (differently) than he does. then comes the thought "do I love him more than he loves me?" and then there comes the anger. "you don't show me that you love me! don't you love me?!". this has a lot to do with love languages. most often the love language that we like to receive the most is the one that we give out. and sometimes, the way your partner sends out love isn't the same way you like to receive it. or maybe it isn't that you don't like the way he shows you love, you just don't see it as showing love for you.

    so there it is. I'm insecure and needy and need to feel loved MY way! and then I panic that I love him more than he loves me and that he'll never love me the way I love him. when really it's all about COMMUNICATION!

    good luck!

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  42. We argue, and I think it gets worse because we don't argue the same way. He bottles things up, then explodes. I bring things up, and he calls it nagging. That is one thing we need to work on is how we argue about things.

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  43. we fight about money, family, the way we communicate. And seriously sometimes I love him to death and sometimes I want to strangle him. I think it is normal. I hope?

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  44. Let's see...money, sex, communication, family members. I've been married for 11 years and I will say that the hubby and I fought a lot more when we first got married than we do now. We still have our days. :)

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  45. While we were engaged, my (at the time) fiance, dropped me off to meet some friends. We had gotten in an argument (I have no idea about what now), and I was still trying to compose myself (I am a horrible crier- I will look red and blotchy for hours after I cry). So instantly, my friends asked what was up, and then upon hearing we had an argument started bashing my fiance and saying we wern't meant to be- because clearly, normal people NEVER fight, especially when they are engaged. That never happens. Two mormon's fighting to stay off each other for months? Fighting is like death row. So it has always made me uncomfortable, because I have felt like when we fight, we arn't normal, because of these two friends.
    I also had another friend tell me that when she was in the RS presidency, girls would tell them , "I heard such-and-such neighbors fighting last night. What should I do? SHould I tell the Bishop?". I can't believe how un-natural people find fighting to be. It's irritating.
    My husband and I try not to fight, but we do. His has a short temper. I am ultra sensitive. We mostly fight when we are stressed. Lack of money that we want to blame on the other, school work overload, too many sleepless nights, the dogs. The dog's a lot, actually...ha.

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  46. Anonymous1:55 AM

    I have actually never fought with my boyfriend. We've been together for 6.5 years, living together for just about the same amount of time, bought a house 3.5 years ago, and just had a baby 6 months ago. If he does anything to make me mad or vice versa, we're both really good about walking away for a bit and calming ourselves down. I have never ever yelled at him. I've also never been in a fight or argued with my younger sister, we've been told many times that we're weird. Reading all these comments though, I'm guessing maybe I'm just lucky...

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  47. Anonymous5:17 AM

    I find it funny that most of the people who claim to never fight are the newlyweds and people not even married. But those with experience can attest to the statistics. I also think bickering is just as bad as arguing, just with a nicer name to try and save yourself. Everyone gets in fights. My husband a Ned I have argued about my mom, his dad, cleaning, the car, his tools. But we know how to get each other back on track and forgive each other easily. I think my hardest thing is that my husband wants to forgive and forget while I want to talk about it.

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  48. Oh my, YES! I've been married for 2 and a half years now, and so many times I wonder, "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!" I can't think of any specific examples on the spot, but in general I wish people could talk more openly about marriage and marriage problems without people thinking their marriage is falling apart and they are a miserable hag. (Goodness that was a long sentence, don't rip me apart, Mrs. Larsen!)

    My husband and I seem to follow the same pattern you guys do. Bicker, bicker, bicker, endless bickering to weeks and weeks of not a single disagreement. Strange. Right now we're apartment hunting and it will be the death of me, I just know it. We basically can't stand each other right now, and I'm looking forward to the next phase of bliss :)
    With that said though, I was also the child in my family that fought for no reason. So maybe it's just us, Bonnie! My dad used to come up to me when I was a toddler and go, "UH HUH" not in reference to anything. To which I would, of course, reply, "NUH-UH!" And then I would fight him to the death about nothing. Hahaha.

    Oh, and I think the top 4 fight topics include: money, sex, and un-equal division of responsibilities (chores, money-earning, etc.)

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  49. money, sex, kids, work (house work, jobs, etc)

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  50. We fight over communication issues (he thinks I'm mad or upset when I'm not and it makes him mad or upset and then I get mad at him for thinking I was mad in the first place when I wasn't) it's all very exhausting. We also fight about money since I am younger than him and just starting my career and starting to pay off my law school debt and he still pays more rent than me. We fight over his cooking (which I hate and that hurts his feeling). It's always sort of embarrassing talking about fighting and maybe that's why people don't do it, but I really wish everyone could be a little more open about it. Maybe it's because it's such an intimate and personal thing?

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  51. We have always gotten along ... UNTIL ... we got married, and live in two different states for over a year. ;) It was kinda sorta an accident because I was teaching and just didn't feel like I could jump ship in the middle of the year ... but it was interesting, because we discovered that the issue was never really about WHERE to live, but rather about how both of us needed to make US our family, and cut some strings from the families we grew up in. We needed to put our marriage and our spouse above what mama thought, or what our families thought was right. We are both mega stubborn, so took us awhile, but we are awesome now. Also, we suffered the loss of a baby through an ectopic pregnancy, and although it was devastating, it brought us so much closer to each other, and made me especially realize that my husband is my family, first and foremost.

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  52. We've been married 5 years - we rarely fight but when we do... it's almost always money.
    I have a high strung personality and I'm afraid its always me that creates the fight - and my husband is always the first to apologize and try to make things right... he hates conflict.
    You are so right, people rarely talk about their marriage (like fighting)... I agree with Rebeka - most likely because it is such an intimate and personal thing....?
    www.sharingthesmarts.com

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  53. Bonnie:
    I just found your blog from the Across the Pond post the other day, and I love it. I feel like you are so down to earth and you really talk about things that I'm interested in. So thanks. But, the fighting thing? I've been wondering the same thing, too. I just got married 6 months ago, after having lived with my now-husband for 5 years and being engaged for 3 years. It seems in the years we've lived together, we've gone through these phases where we can do absolutely nothing but argue with each other, for days at a time. Then otherwise, we are fine, living in that bliss period you talked about. But, someone just asked me the other day about whether or not we fight, and I told them we do, quite often. But I think we are better for it. We have the same high-spirited personality and we both feel passionately about different issues---enough to argue about it. But its really nice you posted this, sometimes I get so worried that we fight more than others. This post was so reassuring. Definitely will keep reading :)

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