The Life of Bon: The Green Eyed Monster: Revisited.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Green Eyed Monster: Revisited.

My family.
They make my life rich.

I feel like an apology is in order.

I'm not sure exactly who I am apologizing to.  To the vast internet audience or to my mom or maybe to God but I feel like I need to apologize to someone for being spoiled and whiny and ungrateful.  I've had the better part of five days to think about it and if I could unwrite Sunday's post I would but I can't, so this post will have to do.

On Sunday I wrote about jealousy.  I wrote that I was jealous of a friend who has recently bought a house and gone and gotten herself pregnant.  She is on her way to adulthood and steadiness and consistency and all the things you dream about.  What a life!   I was jealous that I don't yet own a home and haven't had kids and just generally don't feel like I'm in a place in my life to make those huge decisions that everyone else makes so easily.

That was my post I wrote on Sunday.

I was thinking about that post as I drove to work on Monday morning.  I was driving to school in my little toyota corolla that has not given me one problem since the day I bought it.  The car is paid off as of a year ago, thus I get to drive this bad boy every day free of charge.  It's reliable as they come.

I was thinking about that post as I went to the grocery store Tuesday afternoon and bought whatever I felt like.  The coconut almonds looked good so I picked them up, not thinking much that it was $3 down the drain.  It's only $3 and that ain't too hard to spare.  My grocery cart was full with food for the week.

I was thinking about that post when I checked my bank account on Wednesday and saw that I got paid.  I have a full time, steady job that pays me well enough to provide for all my basic needs and then some.  I never have to worry about going hungry or having a place to live or putting clothes on my back.

I was thinking about that post when I taught my class Thursday morning and we held witch trials for all the witches from The Crucible.  We dressed up and guillotined the accused witches and we laughed and the kids were creative and funny and I realized for the one millionth time how much I freaking love my job.

I was thinking about that post tonight when I cuddled up with my sick husband and realized how immensely grateful I am to have a companion to share this life with.

I was thinking about that post when I took a hot bath and realized I don't have to tote warm water, but have it right there for me whenever I want it.  I was thinking about that post when I called a friend that lives out of state but whom I can talk to whenever I want thanks to the modern conveniences of phones.  I was thinking about that post when the weather turned cold today and I put on a sweater and turned up the heat and didn't suffer hardly two minutes of discomfort.

Turns out I don't have much to be upset about.  I am abundantly blessed.  Rich, even.  I have everything I need in this life and then more and then more and then some more.  There's no house but who in the world said that every 27 year old should feel entitled to owning a home?

I have enough.
I am enough.
There will always be enough.

(P.S.  This article also helped shed some light and made me feel a bit sheepish.  It's okay to not have it all at a young age, it takes time and work and all that other good stuff to get a place of stability in your life.)

30 comments:

  1. I find myself in this spot ALL.THE.TIME! I don't have a job right now and I'm depressed more days than not as I continue searching, getting rejection after rejection.... but I'm tremendously blessed and I tend to forget it! I'm proud of you for realizing how that post might have come off to others (I wasn't personally offended or anything), but kudos to you for realizing the true blessings in your life! This was also a wonderful reminder for me! Thank you for that. I am blessed even through this storm I'm facing.

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  2. Gratitude turns what we have into enough. Great post, Bon.

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  3. I love both posts. It is okay to feel jealousy. I feel like it can pull us to be better people. Case in point is this post. If you hadn't been jealous then you wouldn't feel so grateful today.

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  4. Just went back to read the first post, and am just going to comment here. I am the 26 year old with a husband, house, and 1.5 babies and I love my life. Really, really love my life. But do I sometimes feel jealous when I read about a friend who has begun a great career or get a text from a bestie fighting through med school? Absolutely. Those are such admirable, exciting paths too, and I think it's simply normal to have jealousy about those things that you're "missing." But then I talk to friends who I think look like they have it all together and they basically laugh and say that's what I look like. It's all just in our heads!!

    So what I'm trying to say is it's normal on EVERY side to feel this way and I don't think you have to feel guilty for feeling jealousy. Especially when you are able to put it in context in the grand scope of things. If you sat around dwelling on this and wanting someone else's life all the time, then maybe, but you don't. And I love that you were open and honest enough to write about it in the post. It seems like those feelings are the tale of the 20-something woman. :)

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    1. Yep, Christina hit the nail on the head! Love this sequel post! We all have SO much to be thankful for.

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  5. This is awesome! Such a great follow up post. It is good to think about all that we have been blessed with :) I also think there is nothing wrong with your previous post. I think it is good to feel a bit of jealous because that is what pushes us and motivates us to reach those goals.

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  6. This was such a great post. I feel jealous at times, too, but you're right-- we need to be grateful for what we have, and do our best to help those who don't have as much

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  7. There's a quite I really like that I feel applies...

    "The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have." :)

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  8. Is your hair long and dark in that picture?! Dang girl, I LOVE your hair dark! I like your hair now, but it looks AWESOME dark. You're one of those girls who can pull off any color of hair huh? :P

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  9. Oh this is so sweet Bonnie. I think your time in Argentina has given you some great perspective! Your fleeting feelings of jealousy are totally normal. I get them all the time! Stay away from facebook!! That's what does me in. When I cut back on the time I spend on the internet I'm so much happier. And here I am on the internet ;) Can't wait to see you in a few short months!

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  10. BTW, this is Mindy

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  11. I read your original post and I can totally relate to feeling jealous at times of my friends who seem to have it all together.

    So thank you for this post. Thanks for being honest and real.

    I go through the ups and downs of jealousy/wanting/coveting and gratitude/thanks/fulfillment.

    Often I tell myself that I may not have a lot, but I have all I need. And that's where the true blessing lies.

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  12. I struggle with jealousy too. I have the kids and the job, but no husband or house. Although reading your post today, I should be thankful for a great boyfriend, and a car that while not paid off has an insanely cheap payment and never gives me trouble. I should stop moaning too. I sometimes look at other people and think, do they feel grown up? Becuase I sure don't feel it yet. I don't feel settled or complete.

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  13. I don't think you have to apologize. You're allowed to feel whatever you want to feel. I completely relate to your original post and I sort of look at jealously as a good thing in a way. Jealously shows us that we care about our lives enough to want to do great things. It means that we're not apathetic and indifferent to how we live. We want things to be fantastic. Finding gratitude in where you are right now is absolutely perfect. Wanting what you already have is true joy. Thanks for being so honest and real!

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  15. I always appreciate your honesty. We all struggle with jealousy, as evidenced by the comments so far. Earlier in the summer I heard a sermon in which the preacher talked about trials, and he talked about how we have so many expectations for our lives (marriage, house, kids, grandkids, etc.) and get upset when things aren't perfect, but when did God ever promise that to us? As a single girl who would love to be married some day, that hit me pretty hard. I was never promised a husband; I don't inherently deserve a husband. Our generation is so full of entitlement (not saying that your original post screamed of entitlement-this is a commentary on my life), and it's hard to be content. Thanks for this post-it reminded me of all of my blessings!

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  16. you are most definitely not the only one that could say all of these same things about their every day lives, too. yet we quickly forget all the amazing things we have and experience. don't fret :) go have yourself a great fall weekend!

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  17. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. As such, your post was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. As a single, 30 year old woman with a full time job, trying to launch a small business I struggle every single day with making sure the bills are paid. I get caught up thinking, well they don't worry about money, they own a home while I'm in this apartment, they don't have to worry about spending too much money on groceries and not being able to pay the light bill, they can't possibly know what it's like to be me. Well no, THEY don't know what it's like to be me but I don't know what it's like to be them. And I need to just be grateful that regardless of how much I struggle, at the end of the day I have life, breath, a job, a family, and that's all that matters. Thank you so much for this!! :)

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  18. i feel green eyed more often than I'd like to admit but thats life what can we do?I really like how you went through the next couple of days realizing all that you have. just remember its not wrong to want more

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  19. Humility. What an awesome characteristic to possess. You, Bonnie, as I am seeing today, possess this quality, among others.

    Thanks for keeping it real.

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  20. Definitely a post I need to save for those hard times.

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  21. I so related to your Sunday post. Jealousy has been kicking my butt recently. My best friend recently found his "one" and I am so far removed from that that I can barely find it in my heart to be happy for him. I'm pretty sure that makes me a terrible person. I know that I am BLESSED in so many areas, but I am seriously lacking in the companion department and I really struggle with jealousy in that area. It's something I pray for every day, but I don't often find peace. Thank you for this post to remind me of my blessings!

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  22. Great Post!! Thank you for that little reminder we all need.

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  23. If you want to blame anything, blame the damn social media which has been the culprit for comparing ones life with anothers. This world..well the western world is so materialistic..how big is your diamond? what car do you drive? what purse do you carry? What lables do you wear? I often tell my husband I wishes we lived a more simple life when material didnt matter...then two seconds later im shopping lol. It's silly really to do that but it's hard not to compare yourself sometimes. Like you said in your post, just focus on what you have.

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  24. I think some days it's understandable to go through the jealousy phase, but I like that you are reaching back into yourself to find positive outlooks. That's the most important perspective in life I think. Bouts of jealously aren't bad, which is why you shouldn't judge yourself too harshly about that post, because it all comes back around. Plus, as your platform, this blog is allowed to say whatever you need it so say :)

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  25. perspective is sometimes a beautiful thing!

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  26. Thank you so much for posting this. I too am at a place where I feel like I am on the slow path to things that my peers already have. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this. We all move at a different pace, and that's perfectly ok. It's not a race.

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