The Life of Bon: I'm not ready for a baby, but...

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I'm not ready for a baby, but...

I am ready for a ten year old!

I had an epiphany yesterday.  Like all good epiphanies, it came when I was flapping around in a disgustingly over crowded wave pool.  I was at the water park with my two besties.  Like we always do when at the water park, we tried our best to hit on the ten year olds.  Now, I'm no pedophile, but let me explain my deep and abiding love of ten year old boys.  You see, ten year old boys are the best because they're so fun, they're down for anything, and they'll always share their tube with you!  All you've got to do is make eyes with them and those boys will be obnoxiously flirting with you for as long as your little heart desires.  When you get bored you can just leave and those boys will forget any of it ever happened within three minutes.

I forgetting to take pictures at the water park.
Thus old pictures only remotely related will have to do.

Well, lately our style has been cramped a little bit because one bestie is weeks away from having her first little baby.  And it ain't easy to hide a huge old preggo stomach, even from oblivious ten year olds.  Lately they've been on to us.  Yesterday my pregnant friend was desparately trying to get those boys to share their giant three holed tube with three pretty girls, but they weren't having it.  I blamed it on her stomach.  She blamed it on my sassy attitude.  Whatever it was, we weren't successful.

Even ten year olds aren't stupid enough to miss this belly.

I started bemoaning the fact that I can no longer play with any ten year old I want.  Then I started thinking, what if I could have my own ten year old?  I could take care of him, feed him, buy him clothes, etc, if he would just hang out with me and do fun things with me all the time.  Heck, I'd even let the kid live with me, and heck, I'd even discipline him from time to time if he'd just give me all that sweet, innocent ten year old love.

Then I realized.

That's called a child.

I want a child.

Not a baby.  No, no, no.  Those babies are a lot of work and they're not very fun and they can't just go marauding the lazy river with you.  No no.  Want I want is a ten year old boy.

You see, I missed some kind of "maturing" stage in my life.  Everyone else seems to have gone through it but me.  I never mellowed out.  I love playing games, going to parks, pulling pranks, and pushing kids off tubes in the wave pool as much as the next ten year old.  I just never grew out of it.  I do believe I would be as happy as a lark in a meadow if my best friends were a group of ten year old boys.  No responsibility.  No drama.  No fights.  Just playing.

So... if you've got a cute ten year old boy that you're fed up... I'm in the market.  Just send him my way.  I'll play with him all summer long and then send him back to you just in time for school to start up again.

19 comments:

  1. YEsss! This is sooo my life! Not all of it, because that is really weird...but nonetheless. I don't think I can go anywhere else with this comment so, yea. Good post.

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  2. I'm so the opposite! I don't like grade school age kids, but I love babies!

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  3. How about an 8 1/2 year old ? :)

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  4. haha I know what ya mean! A lot of times I find myself connecting more with children instead of babies.
    I like 8 year old boys and girls(not in a creepy way!) haha.
    My friend has an 8 yr old daughter and we play truth or dare on her phone and she always has funny answers. They're just so much more
    entertaining when they're older!

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  5. Try nannying! Haha. I've been nannying an 8-year-old boy for the last few weeks and, while he is a pain in the butt, he is also ridiculously fun. You get to hang out with them, but you still get to go home and have grown up time. :)

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  7. I use to have a 10 year servant boy. Two of them actually. It was amazing. Maybe my boy and I will bump into you on the Lazy river. That is definitely our favorite place to be at the moment!

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  8. LOL this is too funny! xo

    http://dreamingenfrancais.blogspot.com/

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  9. I totally know what you mean about 10 year old ish kids being so much fun. Miss those days!

    & that is THE most adorable netting I've ever seen. I may want a baby just because it would mean I would have a reason to get it... ;)

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  10. I have a ten year old girl I can send your way for a few weeks.

    I feel the exact same way about 3 year old boys.

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  11. "I love playing games, going to parks, pulling pranks, and pushing kids off tubes in the wave pool as much as the next ten year old"...That has my name written all over it! I love doing those fun things too! Funny post!

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  12. Ha! I'm the exact same way. I used to be awesome with babies and little kids. Now... not so much. I think I'm missing the "mommy" gene -unless it comes to ages 10 and up. lol

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  13. Why do you think I'm finishing up ten months working as an au pair to three kids? They've all had their birthdays now, so the girls are 13 & 6 and the boy is 10. Basically I get to act like a big kid all day except with adult responsibilities. I'm not a career nanny; I hope this is my last childcare job. But it's been a blast!

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  14. haha this is cute. Babies are a lot more work! totally agree

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  15. Classic! I have a 7 year old who'll be ripe for the picking for you in a couple of years.Rx

    http://sandersonsmithstory.blogspot.co.uk/

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  16. haha youre adorable - i love that crib, how fantastic :0)

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  17. Ha! I love babies and how sweet they look in their sleep. I just don't know what to do with them (or myself for that matter) when they are crying... Thank you for leaving that sweet comment on my blog the other day. Where in Europe have you been?

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  18. Borrow one of Becky's boys

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  19. Oh.my.goodness. All this time I thought I was just a total weirdo and I never realized that there was someone out there who also missed the "maturing" stage in life.

    At all of these family events and other random events I end up at, without fail, I end up at the kids table acting like an idiot. Usually, flinging peas and as my Grandma says, "getting the kids all riled up." Needless to say not too many adults like me by the end of the night but I have a fantastic time.

    Well, now that I know this about you I am going to have to keep reading your posts! I'm very happy you stumbled into my corner of the web today. . . following back :)

    -Emma
    emmar123.blogspot.com

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