The Life of Bon: A Baby named Bonnie and a Woman named Gay- What is going on in the world?!?

Monday, August 20, 2012

A Baby named Bonnie and a Woman named Gay- What is going on in the world?!?


Hubs wants a baby.


How does a girl respond when her sweet red headed Hubs is practically on his knees begging for a baby?!?  I'll tell you what she should NOT do.  Bring around two week old babies that are sweeter than heaven and smell like cotton candy in a blanket.  No.  She should not do that.

This is Baby Bonnie.  The babe that exited my best friend's womb a mere two weeks ago.  She's cuter than all get out and has Hubs hank-hank-hankering for a babe of his own.

I've been brainstorming ways to convince Hubs that he is by no means ready for a baby.  Doesn't he realize what this means?!?!  No summer days filled with volleyball and water parks.  No sleeping in on weekends.  No easy breezy vacations whenever the mood strikes us.  But Hubs is adamant on this one.  The boy wants a baby.

Can you help a girl out?!?

While I'm off contemplating ways to convince Hubs it is not yet baby time, I've got a special treat for you.  I met Gay in blogland this summer and have loved every interaction I've had with her since.  The woman is hilarious and her guest post on creative ways to discipline her kids is pure genius.  It almost makes me want to have kids right now so I can try out her discipline methods myself.


Here she is, take it away Gay!


You guys I kinda feel like a bit of a celebrity since I'm making a guest appearance on the blog of Miss Bonnie, a for real celebrity! Shout out to the Bon Bon for being awesome!

But since I'm no celebrity, I guess it's only necessary that I semi-introduce myself. My name is Gay.

For real.

Okay, I guess it's actually Gabrielle. But I full on go by Gay. Hence the name of my blog...

A Girl Named Gay.

And I'm the baby mama to 4 kids. Yes- 4 of them. Yes- that is a lot. No- I wouldn't recommend it. Just kidding just kidding!!!

Now before you get completely turned off thinking I'm an old, boring mom that does nothing but brag about my perfect angels who are better than yours, let me assure you that there's more to my LIFE- and therefore my blog- than just mama-ing it up! But today...I'm gonna tell you a bit about how being a mom can take me on some embarrassing/funny/humiliating/who-signed-me-up-for-this-anyway rides!

I'm doing the best I can at what I do. Aren't we all doing the best we can? And "the best I can" means...many moments of failure. But don't you worry...failure often times results in lots of pure comedic moments {at least after the fact, right?!!}

Let me give you an example.

I just might have a low threshold when it comes to things like whining and....being called a dummy. I quickly cave into the temptation to act very irrational.

This time the caving wasn't as quickly as it could have been. I mean, I went through a few valiant attempts of, "Ok, now can you say that again nicely?" and "Are you talking respectfully?" But come on, how many times are we gonna have the same conversation, kids? So when those didn't work, I was then ready to cave.

A millisecond before I went into default cave mode- full out yelling- it occurred to me that this would be a perfect instance to employ the "element of surprise attack" to get some attention. One tactic in this category being to abruptly slam on the brakes, a silent gesture that demands the kids' attention and they know I mean BUSINESS. Feel free to add it to your bag of tricks.

So I go on ahead and give a nice, abrupt POUND on the brakes....

My smile spreads as I'm already anticipating the known victory--

When all of a sudden Kaia's car seat comes flying forward, only to be stopped by the back of my seat. Really? Really?


And the kids are all, "Mom, why did you do that to Kaia?", each word whined and swayed dramatically. This might be a good time to inform you that Kaia is our baby girl who has three older brothers. And these older brothers are OBSESSED with her. Protective to the max.

So Kaia's screaming, the kids are denying any involvement in the mishap and wondering why I'm trying to kill their little sister, and I'm rapidly pulling over to the side of the road.

With a click of a button, I open Kaia's door to console a broken-hearted baby girl who hasn't done a thing wrong, but make no mistake, her feelings are HURT...even if it was an accident. I'm simultaneously telling the kids they better pull their crap together and that NO, I am not a dummy despite the most recent act which may have argued otherwise and that any more of this non-sense and they would be walking their sorry booties home. That's right. All two blocks of it, they would WALK home.

Mid lecture, I feel someone creeping on my back side and turn around only to find....the parking police....staring at me. What the....

"Ummmm, you're parked in the red. What are you doing?"

I get as snotty and hard core as a white girl in the Palisades can and I'm all, "I'm taking care of my family." Kinda embarrassing, but I probably subconsciously accompanied those little words with the head bob and all.

She's like, "Yes, but you're parked in the red...."

Does she seriously not know I just about killed my daughter and the act of offense that she's concerned with is that I am PULLED OVER-- not parked-- in the red?

"I know. I am trying to take care of my family. Believe me, we're not hanging out here....And I'm not PARKED."

Dang it, I kind of hate to admit that I have a bit of disdain for parking attendants. I just can't shake the notion that it takes a certain kind to have a job where you walk around placing parking tickets for 8 hours a day. But I'm working on it....

Anyway, she gets the point and escapes her own temptation to cave and give me a ticket. "Well, you need to move asap."

I tell her I'm on my way. I get in the car, and I'll tell you what, those kids of mine are all getting buckled and zipping their lips and have done pulled their crap together.

And it had nothing to do with my surprise-attack-I-mean-business move.

It had nothing to do with their fear of losing their little sister.

It had nothing to do with me threatening to make them walk home.

I have a feeling it had EVERYTHING to do with that little parking cop walking up and scaring the crap out of them with her mere presence.

Apparently I need to wear a beige shirt and put little orange lights on top of my car to put an ounce of fear into these kids of mine. A sad day when you realize a dang rent-a-cop gets more respect from your own kids than you do!

This is just a teeny example of my LIFE going awry! I'd love for you to stop by and love, laugh, and learn with me!

shirtless gang? and this is what I'm facing in my life, friends. ps can you tell which kid isn't mine?!!


  1. Men! Lately I hear more and more that boys are more ready for the babies in the relationships. Maybe it`s because they are not really aware of all the permanent changes in life when a baby arrives. And maybe because it will not grow inside of THEM. Just those two tiny, little details :)

  2. Oh so lovely <3 Your blog is amazing! If you get a second, I'd love to hear your thoughts about my latest outfit :)

  3. Great guest post! Want to give your hubs a dose of reality? Find a friend with a 2 or 3 year old that would be willing to let them spend the night at your house. Even better, for the whole weekend.
    THAT should make him think a bit harder about kids!

  4. My hubby talked to everyone we knew about how much he wanted a baby for YEARS! When I finally caved, I made him promise there would be at the very minimum a 60/40 split of work and I wasn't taking on the 60.

    Since we take our gal everywhere with us, we still have easy breezy vacations when the mood strikes us, and thanks to good training, we can sleep in on weekends because she has been pretty understanding and self sufficient in the mornings since very early on. Most of that is thanks to papa. Everything he was in charge of he taught her to do on her own just as soon as he could - and that included potty training and bathing herself.

    In the meantime, borrow that sweet smelling babe and have hubs change a few not-so-sweet smelling diapers. That will definitely hold him off for a bit.

  5. My hubby hasn't said any of that yet, in fact he's been the one saying how he likes that we can just up and do whatever, and not need a babysitter whereas everyone else can't go out anymore, etc.

    One day we'll have a baby, and if we don't we don't, but now's not the time.

  6. Haha, I have a feeling that if I ever get married, I'll be the one begging for a baby! Who knows, though; the time for a baby might come unexpectedly!

  7. Sign him up for babysitting while you go out for girls, night. The first time he will love it, second time it will start to sink in. And you get to have a girls' night out!

  8. wow these are two of my favorite bloggers and I get to hear from them both in one post, it's perfection on a blog! Bon, you're time to be a mommy will come and I can't wait to read about your adventures when it does. And Gay, I LOVE your kids' stories. My two kids plus your 4 would make for some major comedic adventures!!

  9. I do not have a baby. I don't think that men realize how much work a baby is! They actually have to take care of the baby and not just play with it when they feel like it. No advice on how to convince him he's not ready...but good luck!

  10. What a darling baby and a fun guest post. What a funny story. Thanks for stopping by my blog to say hi!
    the Drastic Fantastic.

  11. Baby fever hit my hubby before it hit me, and he was forever trying to convince me we were ready (mind you, we are only just now coming up on 1 year of marriage next month). I've got the fever too. And I imagine I'll be mommy to a few little demon children of my own before too long. So good luck...hope you do a better job of resisting than I did!