The Life of Bon: If I Ran the World

Monday, August 13, 2012

If I Ran the World

This weekend I was climbing into bed when I realized my cell phone charger wasn't plugged into the wall.  My phone was totally dead and wouldn't last more than a few minutes into the next day.  I was utterly exhausted, literally crawling into the bed, and the last thing I wanted to do was go upstairs and look for a dang charger.  I cursed myself for taking the charger out of the wall, I cursed the cell phone for needing charging, and most of all, I cursed the world for inventing such a thing as cell phones.

Basically there was a lot of cursing.

I trudged up the stairs, grabbed the charger, and then slumped my way back down to bed.  I couldn't help but think as I did this, "Who's in charge of this hooplah anyway?  Who decided that cell phones needed recharging?  Certainly if I ran the world cell phones would recharge themselves!  Yes, genius!  Cell phones that recharge on their own!

My thoughts got carried away as I laid in bed.  Hubs says I like to be in control, but if I'm going to be honest with you I might as well just say that it is my ultimate dream to be in charge of everything in the world.  Can you imagine?  What could I do if I ran the world?  What vast improvements could I make to my life and to the lives of those around me?  My mind ran away with me and because I'm the type of person who likes to share, here you go, folks.


Cell phones would never need recharging.

I would be very very good at all sports, but especially volleyball.  An Olympic volleyball player, if you will.

When babies needed something, they wouldn't cry.  They would laugh.

There would be no bad smells in the world. Seriously, what is the point of yucky smells anyway?  No garbage, no bathrooms and no MORNING BREATH!

It would be free to fly in airplanes.  Anybody could fly anywhere they wanted in the world provided they do a certain amount of community service each year.  I think I might need to think about this one a bit longer... it has some potential flaws.

Oh, I know!  Everybody can fly.  As in, their arms turn into wings and they can fly wherever they want.  That way we can scrap the community service.  Ignore the above comment.

Summer is year round.

Any car that is seen in the left lane going slower than the cars to its right will receive a citation immediately.  If you are in the left lane you absolutely MUST be going faster than all the other cars around you, no exceptions, no excuses.

It is illegal to start any activity before 9:00 am.  That means that my School District can no longer require me to be at work at 7 am.  Are you listening, school district?!?  No more 7:00 am starting time!

All food, regardless of content, makes you feel energized and healthy.  All food has the same amount of nutrients (lots!) and calories (very little!) but tastes totally different.  This means I can eat ice cream and cake for dinner, but it does the exact same thing for my body as a plate of fruits and veggies do!  HALLELUJAH!

No one says mean things to any one else.

There is not an age where you are supposed to "grow up"  and put away childish things.  Everybody can be silly all the want.  You can stay out all night no matter what your age.  You can dye your hair pink and no one thinks anything of it.  You can prank call for your entire life.

Everybody has to play the game "Risk" at least once a day.

Every profession would make the same amount of money.  Teachers wouldn't be broke.

No apartment complex would have income restrictions.  Anyone who wants to live in a nice place could live there, no matter how much they make.  No more punishing people for making "too much" money when really they're just scraping by like the rest of the world.

Every month the Kardashians have to give away all their clothes and jewelry to the less fortunate.  I will be in charge of distributing these clothes out and for payment I get to keep 5% of what they give away.

Everyone has perfect skin, teeth, and hair.

Couples would die at the exact same time so that one would not be forced to live without their spouse.

Mosquitoes, flies, and spiders of any kind do not exist.

Everybody finds a person they can spend their whole life with who makes them really, ridiculously happy.  You know, like a Jef Holm/Emily Maynard kind of love.  Or a Bon Bon/Hubs kind of love.  Everyone has lots of friends and family who will take care of them and love them no matter what.

That's what the world would be like if I ran it.  What do you think?  Vote for me?

I am going to make this into a link up party.  I have never before done this in my life, and if I'm being honest with you, I'm terrified.  I guess I feel a little bit like the awkward teenager who wants to throw a party but is almost positive that the only people who will show up are the best friend and the nerdy Calculus partner.  If you want to join this link up party out of pure pity, I am not opposed.  I guess I need all the friends I can get around here.  This could be my first and last link up party.

Yah, I'm scared.

But here goes because a girl's got to participate in some link ups at some point in her life, right?  RIGHT?!?  If you would like to come to my link up, please do!  You are totally invited.  All you've got to do is post this little weird picture of me looking like an alien on your blog (Is that how we do it?  Someone help me, PLEASE?!?) and then link up your own, "If I ran the world" post.  I can't wait to read all about what you would do.  You can be as creative as you want- you have all the power and the world is yours, afterall!


  1. I do like the community service part... That's a good prompt!!

  2. Anonymous7:55 PM

    love this idea!! I would love to link up, but I think you have to have a URL to add your picture to my posts!
    The kardashian idea? perfect! Maybe they could donate some of their good looks too?
    Perfect hair & skin.. also perfect idea! I would love a good hair + good skin day..on the same day.

  3. I would totally vote for you, strictly for the fact that all foods would have the same caloric value. Oh, and I have serious road rage, so that whole driving slow in the left lane citation thingy? Totally sold me! You are too cute!

  4. You would be a fantastic world leader! We should start implementing your plans right away :)

  5. You got my vote!! Love the slow cars initiative!!!! And the same salary and the no work before 9am!! oh and can you make like a rotating first dibs list for the Kardashian clothing :) Love the post!!

  6. "Everybody finds a person they can spend their whole life with who makes them really, ridiculously happy." I love it, Bonnie, you are so right!

  7. These are all AMAZING ideas. :)

  8. you should run the world. all hail bon!

  9. Girl, you can run my world any day! :)

    Love this! Newest follower!

  10. Ha! This is hilarious (but in a very sweet and cute kind of way)! I love that your first order of business is to be amazing at volleyball. I am SO bad at sports... :(

    Cute blog!

  11. Totes linked up... but my link is not showing. Hmmmm. You might want to look in to that...

    Of Thoughts and Things

  12. Vote for Bon! You have brilliant ideas for running the world. I especially love the part about pink hair. I'll join you in a pink hair quest. Perhaps next summer.

  13. Dude I'm so in! I've already written mine while I'm here at work and will be linking up as soon as I get home! :)

  14. This is sooo funny!! I think your world would be ok :)

  15. you are too stinkin' cute! i love this link up! i'll work on mine right now, but you're a tough act to follow!! i'm pretty sure you already have the most brilliant ideas around :)

  16. I think these ideas are ALL better than any of current ideas of the two clowns who are currently running to sit in the President's chair. DO IT!!!

  17. I love your ideas! You took the words out of my mouth. Not even sure if I have anything to add by doing my own "If I Ran the World" but I'll try!

  18. Ehehehe, love it!!

    You forgot the part about everything we've ever pinned from Pinterest instantly appearing in our closets, though. ;)

  19. I totally nominate you as queen of the world!! haha. These would be awesome things to implement, definitely.

  20. I seriously made my husband read this blog entry. I can't even follow that had me laughing the whole time!

  21. I always thought ruling the world would be a bit of a drag. Your post got me thinking. I'm now convinced it wouldn't be half bad!