On marriage being work. Because it is.

In an effort to postpone reading 1984 for the rest of my life, I have taken up reading a string of easy, light, entertaining books.  My most recent guilty pleasure was "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" by Mindy Kaling.  AKA Kelly from The Office.  Kaling is one of the main writers of The Office (She wrote the original Dundies episode and the episode where Michael burns his foot on a George Foreman girl.  The girl is smart.  And hilarious.)

Her book is mostly a memoir, kind of like Tina Fey's Bossy Pants but I actually liked this book better.  She jumps around a lot and she talks candidly about struggles with weight, awkward attempts to fit in, and her cursed shyness. I felt like I actually got to know her as a person.  I guess you could say she writes the way my favorite bloggers write- funny, but still honest and genuine.

One of my favorite chapters of the book was entitled "Married People Need to Step it Up."  She talks about how married people always complain about how "hard" married life is, but that married people should be "pals" and should just enjoy hanging out together.  In her own words...

"I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex alive, or the work it takes to plan a date night.  I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat.  I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun.  I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and because I want it for myself.


Maybe the point is that any marriage is work, but you may as well pick work that you like.  Writing this book is work, but it's fun work, and I picked it and I enjoy doing it with you, Reader.  It's my job and it's a job I like. 


Married people, it's up to you.  It's entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat.  It's a stately old ship, and a lot of people, like me, want to get on board.  Please be psyched, and convey that psychedness to us.  And always remember: so many, many people are envious of what you have.  You're the star at the end of the Shakespearean play, wearing the wreath of flowers in your hair. "

Well, I'll be.  I guess old Bon is now a big fan of Mindy Kaling!  The woman said it right, people!

I especially liked her words about marriage being work.  Two weeks before I was to leave on my LDS mission I was sitting in a British Literature class.  I don't know why he was off on this tangent, but the professor said this, "I think marriage is like a mission.  If any of us had any idea how difficult it is, we'd never agree to do it in the first place."  Days away from entering the missionary training center, I rolled my eyes at his negative attitude.  My mission wasn't going to be hard.  And neither would my marriage.  I was going to rock both of them, thank you very much.

It's safe to say that my mission did more than rock me- it threw me against the rocks and dragged me through the streets.  Er... figuratively speaking that is.   I was shocked at how hard it was.  Since being married I have also been surprised at how difficult marriage can be.  In moments of frustration I have thought back to that professor and admitted guiltily, "the dude was right."

Because he was right.  But so is Kaling.  Marriage is work, but  it should be our favorite kind of work.  Work can have such a negative connotation to it so anytime someone says "Marriage is work" you assume they hate their marriage.  But I prefer to think of work as something much more positive- something that makes you grow, something that makes you reach your potential, something that teaches you valuable lessons and skills, something that molds you into the person you have always been capable of becoming but can't become by just relaxing and shooting the breeze.  I will agree that being married is work.  But it's work that I really like doing.  That I get fulfillment out of.  I like it better than doing the dishes.  I like it better than telling seventeen year olds how to write thesis statements.  I even like it better than blogging.

So yes, marriage is my favorite kind of work.

This is how I work.