The Life of Bon: Everything you've ever wanted to know about MY HONEYMOON!

Friday, August 17, 2012

Everything you've ever wanted to know about MY HONEYMOON!

Did you ever wonder about my honeymoon?  Did you ever stand there, while making dinner, mixing onion in with that ground beef, and let your thoughts run away with you?  Did you ever start pondering, "How was Bon Bon's honeymoon?  What did she do?"  Did you ever wonder how long my honeymoon was?  Or where we went?  I'm sure you have.  It's a normal thing to wonder, folks.

Today you're in luck because I am going to fill you in on the gory honeymoon details.  Hold on to your seats, gals, this is going to be good!

(Interesting side note- we forgot to take our camera on our honeymoon.  I therefore paid a completely outrageous price for a disposable camera at Catalina Island. Twenty four poor quality pictures are all the evidence that we have of our honeymoon.  The pictures that you see below are actually pictures of the pictures from the disposable camera (you still with me?) so let me just tell you that they are not the best quality pictures you have ever seen.  They just might be the cutest, though.)

The honeymoon week was my favorite week of all time.  Yes, there were the normal reasons- a week off of work, a complete escape from reality, no one calling me, spending 24/7 with Hubs after months of self control. But it is also my favorite for another reason... because it ended up being nothing like we thought it would be. AKA everything that could have went wrong did.  This was not our fault, however.  This was the fault of the travel agent, Larry.  You see, Hubs decided to go with a travel agent because Larry was an old acquaintance of Hubs' and Hubs figured, "I've got enough hooplah to worry about with this crazy woman and her engagement frenzy, so I'll let someone else worry about the honeymoon."  And he did.

Problem is that Larry had a few tricks up his sleeve.  We were supposed to go on a seven day cruise.  Five days before the wedding, I was in the middle of teaching a creative writing class and my phone started vibrating off the hook in the my desk.  My students always know when my phone vibrates because as one of them so eloquently stated, it sounds like "a robot farting."  I chose to ignore it, but it kept vibrating and vibrating and vibrating.  But people, you can't ignore a robot fart forever so eventually I had to answer.

On the other line was an absolute panicked Hubs.  "Bonnie!  Larry called!  Our cruise has been cancelled!  We have no honeymoon!" (Later I realized the cruise has most likely not been "cancelled" but that Larry had never booked us on the cruise to begin with)  I tried to reassure Hubs and finally after a lot of frenzied phone calls and a lunch period spent on the phone and NOT eating my tuna fish sandwich, we had figured out another option.  Larry could get us a 4 day cruise.  We would stay in a hotel in L.A. the first day.  We would get a refund for the downgraded cruise.  Everything was going to be okay.

From that point on there were problems, problems, and more problems with the honeymoon.  We got married on a Saturday and stayed at a hotel in Salt Lake.  Our plane left for California the next morning at 7 am.  On daylight savings...  Making it feel like it was actually 6 am.  Now I don't know if you've ever been married, but the last thing you want to do the morning after is drag yourself out of bed at 4:30 am.  All the way to the airport, I elaborately plotted ways I could kill him.

Once we were at our hotel in L.A., Hubs noticed a charge from his bank account.  Apparently, Larry was using Hubs' account to pay for the hotel instead of using the extra money from our downgraded cruise.

The real kicker was when we got to our cruise cabin.  There was no queen bed, no ocean view like we had originally bought and planned for.  Instead there were two twin beds.  One on top of the other.  Bunk beds.  For our honeymoon.

Que romantico!

We spent the honeymoon trying to share one twin bed, and I guess it was romantic and cute in its own way, even if I did get many an elbow to the face.  When we look back on it now I say, "How did we ever share a twin bed?"
Hubs reply: "We were in love"
"We're still in love now!"
"Yah, but then we were in twin bed love."
I guess the man is right.  We were in twin bed love, and maybe that's the only way we could have survived it.

At this point in the ballgame, all Hubs and I could do was laugh.  "That Larry!  He sure did get the best of us!"  When you're in love and you're on your honeymoon I guess anything can go wrong and you'll be happy.  From then on, everything that went wrong we blamed on Larry.

"Oh man, we're late for dinner!  This is Larry's fault!"
"Hubs, you're feeling sick?  Larry, I am so sick of you screwing everything up for us!"
"We just got ripped off by a Mexican selling fake vanilla?  Larry, you will pay for this!"

And somehow, the trend has continued on throughout our marriage... even a year and a half after the big honeymoon, we still try to blame everything on Larry.

I forgot to do the dishes?  It was Larry.
Hubs didn't call to tell me he'd be late for dinner?  It was Larry.
I got another speeding ticket?  It was Larry.

And that my friends, is the secret to a successful marriage.  Have a scapegoat.

(And P.S.... six months later we finally got the $600+ back that Larry owed us, thanks to the help of my lawyer brother.  Sometimes you just gotta be persistent!)


  1. bahahah oh my gosh. this makes me sick yet i'm laughing so hard and telling my husband all about your misfortunes. dang. sounds crazy. but good thing you had a travel agent to work it all our for you........ oh wait.

  2. We have a scapegoat, too. It really lightens the mood when something could seriously upset you and you blame it on the scapegoat. It turns the bad situation into a funny thing you'll remember.

  3. That is hilarious. And cute!

  4. you are completely hilarious. I already knew this, but your post brightened my day. We didn't take any pictures of our honeymoon at all. I guess we were too distracted. lol. We ended up spending 10 bucks on a touristy picture that people took of us at the Rainforest Cafe.

  5. WHAT?! I never knew this story... the last I heard the cruise was cancelled due to violence in Mexico or something. Is that what he told you because he really forgot to book it? Wow, I would have been so mad!

  6. And even though your honeymoon did kinda get messed up, look at the amazing story you got out of it. Darn that Larry!

  7. Dang it Larry! That's great you didn't let it ruin your honeymoon :) I need to go find a scapegoat...

  8. oh my word. thats hysterical. and to mkae you feel better - i totally forgot my camera too so we payed a ridciulous price for a disposal.

  9. haha what a cute/funny inside joke :)

  10. Wow, I can't believe that! Good to see that you guys found humor in it though, I think I may have wanted to just slit the guys throat lol

  11. Oh man, I just loved this post! Our wedding night was spent in the E.R. and our honeymoon just played suit to that evening. But really, it's so much better when things go wrong. You could have that typical honeymoon story where you went on a cruise and everything was perfect and you couldn't complain one bit - and you would have nothing memorable to share. Or you could have this! I love this!

    And I love the term twin bed love.

    I look forward to learning more about you Bonnie!

    (PS- We blame everything on the dog, because it's always the dog's fault. Poor dog.)

  12. I laughed so hard. Isn't it the truth that when things go wrong we never ever forget them. :)

    So was Larry invited to the 1 year anniversary??

    On a side note..I'm left wondering what does it sound like when a robot farts?!?

  13. haha, THANK YOU for posting this. I'm glad i'm not the only one with a disaster-honeymoon. :) although, you win with the bunk bed issue! I wish we'd had a 'larry' to blame it on!

  14. You ar sucha a funny person, and a great writer. Love that you have cynical, but optimistic view on things. Those type of misfortunes on a trip are often the things you laugh about afterwards.

  15. omg!! I would have been bawling the whole time!! and I would have sued him for more money!! interest on the card he charged you all with!! still it's a great story now :)....on my honeymoon the 1st 2 days of our cruise was overcast and cold...i cried, seriously I cried.

  16. hahahahahah thats so funny!!!!!!

    I HOPE this doesn't happen to me and my boyfrand, because by the time we get married im sure disaster is bound to strike!
    happy friday!

  17. WOW! Hahaha! Hilarious and so awful. Your honeymoon fiasco was my wedding fiasco. EVERYTHING went wrong. I think Larry must've been my caterer.

  18. At least you laughed about it!

  19. Hi! First, I want to say thank you for following my blog ( Second, loved reading the story about your honeymoon! LOL!!!!


  20. Oh my gosh that's crazy! I'm glad you were still able to enjoy your honeymoon! I got sick twice on mine (I was on about 4 different medications by the 3rd day) but I was still able to have fun. :-)

  21. I don't know what's better, this story or or the cute photos of you guys. Love your pictures!
    Leslie (aka Gwen Moss blog)

  22. This totally made me smile :)

  23. Twin bed love! Yep, my husband and I know all about that!


  24. Even though I rarely comment, you are seriously my favorite. Love your sense of humor :)

  25. Quite amazing blog........!
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