Every marriage has its issues.
This weekend it was brought to light that mine might have bigger problems than most. This was discovered when Hubs said, "Bon! Bon! Hold still! I want to draw a picture of you!" Like any self respecting woman, I reveled in the attention and smiled gladly at the opportunity to have my portrait drawn! I rested my chin on my hand, fluttered my eyelashes sweetly, and did my best to look like the adorable wife that I truly am.
"There!" Hubs announced proudly when he was finished with the drawing. I looked over to see this staring demonically back at me:
Naturally, there were many, many questions racing through my little head.
1. Are my nostrils really that big?
2. Why the black demon eyes? Is it supposed to be symbolic of what I represent to Hubs?
3. What's with the weird fist? Is this, again, some kind of symbol? Do I rule with an iron fist? Is Hubs trying to tell me that I am a strong and powerful woman or that I scare the crap out of him?
4. Is there a reason I have no fingers?
5. The very high forehead- was that necessary?
6. Is this really what my hair looks like to Hubs? Because, you know, I really do work hard to style that every day. And if it's just coming out looking like that... well, I might just throw in the towel.
7. What's with the... ahem... chest area? Seriously Hubs? Is that really what my feminie parts look like to you?
8. My right arm. Where is it?
9. Why are my eyebrows such hairy bushes? Please, Hubs, you know I take great pains to tweeze those bad boys! Cut me some slack around here!
10. Is that a mole hair coming off of my chin?
The more I looked at it, the more I couldn't help but think that I bear a striking resemblance to Beavis. Minus the cleavage, of course.
Am I right or right?
Which has left me to wonder, is this how my husband perceives me? Does he look at me and see only a slightly more feminine version of Beavis?
But you know what? The whole experience was not in vain because I learned something this weekend. Something that I can share with you readers that can improve all of our lives.
If you want your self esteem in tact, never ever EVER under any circumstances allow your husband to draw a portrait of you.
That is all.