Monday, September 10, 2012

When I say "cut" you say "the cheese"

Dear mom:  Please don't read this post.

That being said, let's forge ahead.

Now, I know I am going to take some heat for this and who knows what mean things those anonymous lurkers are going to have to say on the subject, but hey, when you gotta get something off your back you gotta get something off your back, don't you?

The issue in question is farting.

Or, as my childhood best friend used to call it, "Cutting the cheese."  I can still hear her laugh now, in an army green 8 man tent camped along Scofield lake, "Bonnie!  Was that you that just cut the cheese?"  I always laughed uncontrollably, not only because of the fart but because of her word choice.  Cut the cheese?  Really?  Really?

I don't know why it is that I've always thought farts are so funny.  I'm sure my mother who raised us to be classy and proper and conservative finds it most disturbing that her daughter turned out this way.  I'd like to blame it on my four other brothers, but if I'm being honest, I don't think it had much to do with them at all.  Unless you count the time that Reed sat on my head.  That might have affected something.

I remember feeling a little bit guilty that I thought farts were so funny.  One day a friend told me about her brother and his wife who had been married for five years.  "Cody has never once farted in front of Brittany in their whole years of marriage.  Isn't that so sweet?"

I couldn't help but think to myself, "yes, that is sweet darn it!  As funny as I might think bodily functions to be, I need a husband who will respect my self respect!"  Or something like that?  I vowed then and there to catch myself such a Hubs that would never do such an atrocious deed in front of his darling, petite wife.

Good news is I caught such a husband.
Bad news is said husband didn't catch such a wife.


Now before I go any further, I think I should point out that I don't think I'm gross or classless or stinky any of those yucky things.  My stomach just hurts sometimes.  And heck, I'm married to the boy, so shouldn't I have the comfort of being comfortable?  Poor Hubs, he just rolls his eyes or exclaims, "Bonnie!" or acts like he has been mortally offended.  I get he doesn't love it, but I can think of a lot grosser crimes. (Handicapped parking for one, you know what I'm saying?!?)  I know others who would disagree with me.  Hubs being one of them.  He never farts around me.  In his own words he "does everything possible to avoid it."  And I do appreciate it, I do.  But I also think our marriage would be just as kick butt (no pun intended) if he didn't feel the need to hold it in.

So what do ya'll think?  Should bodily functions be something that you keep totally private, even within a marriage?  Or is anything fair game now that you've tied the knot or are living together?  Would you or have you let one loose in front of your significant other?  And why are so many people so bothered about it?

40 comments:

  1. I don't have such a husband and I'm not such a wife. Lactose Intolerance + Love Of Cheese = Cutting Cheese. Cheers to being comfortable and letting loose.

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  2. Hah! Hubs and I were just talking about this! Before we were married Hubs said that he would hold it in no matter what. Now we're pretty much anything goes. I think that it's wonderful to be completely comfortable around each other.

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  3. My ultimate goal is to not ever fart in front of my husband ever, never, NEVER EVER. My mom laughs at me.

    Speaking of marriage and farting, you will like this article. I laughed so hard, I cried. I sent it to my mom and she said she snorted and then started giggling in sacrament meeting, to which I said shame upon her. :)

    http://hahasforhoohas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/

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  4. I don't see what's so wrong with farting in front of people. It's normal and I think it would be strange to know someone who "never" farted. It's not always possible to hold it in.

    Thankfully, the boyfriend and I are comfortable enough with each other to do these things in front of each other. :]

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  5. I have Crohn's. There's no avoiding it. My bf farts in front of me too. We each kid the other when it happens, but it's nbd.

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  6. I don't even need a full hand to count how many times I let one loose in the presence of my ex, who I was with for 15 months. All of them were on accident; a few times, probably from laughing too hard! I just always feel so embarrassed by doing it, even in front of my mom or sister. Not to mention a boyfriend! He would have the same reaction as Greg, and just kinda turn to me, eyebrows raised, and say something like, "What was that..??" :)

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  7. Why do you think so many couples own dogs? So they have something else to blame their farts on, is what I'm guessing. I figure, once you've been together long enough, a little wind-breaking in front of the significant other is NOTHING compared to the stomach bugs, the "please don't go in the bathroom"s, and countless other gross things our lovely bodies do.

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  8. Loove this post. Especially, because I found myself on all the stories about farting, hehehe I have a luck to be comfortable with that in front of my boyfriend, as well as he. Sometimes we play with that, and compete with who can do it louder or something. Better that, than to keep it in yourself. Another thing, for me peak of intimacy with somebody, is when you can fart in front of him/her. Just to be clear! :)

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  9. i use to be that girl that didn't want to fart around boys.. but there are times when you just can't hold it in! When i dated, after every relationship I vowed to never date again just so I didn't have to go through this awkward stage in a relationship of questioning whether or not farting was okay. Now, thankfully, I'm married and farting is a no boundaries kind of thing!

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  10. i use to be that girl that didn't want to fart around boys.. but there are times when you just can't hold it in! When i dated, after every relationship I vowed to never date again just so I didn't have to go through this awkward stage in a relationship of questioning whether or not farting was okay. Now, thankfully, I'm married and farting is a no boundaries kind of thing!

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  11. "The Gas we pass" is a children's book that explains how normal and natural the process of passing gas is - and everyone does it!

    That said farts ARE funny.

    I'm guessing your mother and hubs wouldn't think our 'fart machine' that we used to hide in the baby's stroller and let rip as funny as we do.

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  12. I may be one of the few that admits this, but I definitely think it's fair game. I have tummy issues too. My motto is "better out than in." I say I can't help it because seriously, I can't. They aren't gross, just normal. A little toot here and there never hurt anyone. I still makes me giggle every time it happens.

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  13. I have no such husband and am just fine with that. He thinks it's funny to "cut the cheese" in bed and then pull the covers over my head and force me to smell the cheese. :) I would like to say it didn't pass onto our children but it did. They think it's great and every time they do they giggle and tell me they get it from dad. :)

    I think we could coin a new term....The family that farts together stays together!! :)

    Laura@MiceinTheKitchen

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  14. My boyfriend and I fart in front of each other a good bit. Mine are silent and stinky so I try really hard to do it when he's not around, but sometimes they slip out. His don't usually smell and are loud, so he just lets them go. (He has colitis so he needs to just let them go if he gets them). It's a running joke with us...so I think farting is just part of living together and being together.

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  15. We are a house full of tummy troubles... including our kid, dogs and cat. It's kinda stinky and loud, but we are all more comfortable in the end.

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  16. I think once you are together for long enough. My husband and I were dating from 17-21 so even before we were married we were prettttty comfortable with each other so after the first year or so we were still in the "try your darn hardest to keep it in" but if it slipped it wasn't the end of the world, maybe a lil embarrassing, nothing that a cute lil cheek blush couldnt help. The first year of marriage we still did the whole go to the bathroom in the furthest bathroom, but now at 4 years you are lucky if you have a shut door while the other is going to the bathroom, aka farts are pretty much still not "cute" but def not a rare assurance

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  17. I think once you are together for long enough. My husband and I were dating from 17-21 so even before we were married we were prettttty comfortable with each other so after the first year or so we were still in the "try your darn hardest to keep it in" but if it slipped it wasn't the end of the world, maybe a lil embarrassing, nothing that a cute lil cheek blush couldnt help. The first year of marriage we still did the whole go to the bathroom in the furthest bathroom, but now at 4 years you are lucky if you have a shut door while the other is going to the bathroom, aka farts are pretty much still not "cute" but def not a rare assurance

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  18. I would have to say half the reason I married my husband was because I became sick of the whole "is it too soon to break wind??" mind game in new relationships. And I'm sure he feels the same. Srsly, dude farts every 10 minutes. He must have been in constant pain the first few months we were dating!

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  19. Funny post, I really like the picture of the two of you.

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  20. Husband and I do it all of the time. LOL. However, we don't do it around others, just when alone. Romantic, huh?


    ride-thespiral.blogspot.com

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  21. haha thanks for the funny post. I loved it. I am a new follower, come follow along: http://sjdmiller.blogspot.com

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  22. This is funny. And SO MANY PEOPLE disagree with me here. I don't necessarily let one rip because we're married. But if it happens, it happens! Haha!

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  23. Farts CAN be funny. Like the other day when a senior let one rip and then said, "I'm so sorry. I really didn't think it was going to be a loud one!" And then he turned bright red.

    But I'm the complete opposite of you. My boyfriend farts around me all. the. time. And I can't stand it. It really bugs me. To the point that I once asked him if he could not make such a show about it.
    My best friend (a girl, none the less) used to fart when we lived together. And it bugged me.

    I don't know what it is. But it just drives me crazy!!
    Except for when it's seniors :P

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  24. I never, ever have...and it's my goal to never, ever let it happen. I still make my husband leave our bedroom, even if he's in bed, when I need to use the bathroom. Or I go to our guest bathroom. I just can't do it.
    But my husband? Couldn't care less. He will just let it happen whenever and wherever...every once in awhile he'll decide he's going to stop so that I may find him "more sexy", but that lasts about two days.
    And I'm one of those awkward people who can't even type the word it makes me so uncomfortable. You know what word. Can't do it.

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  25. Thanks for following me! I have browsed through your blog and love the way you write! So enjoyable and makes me wanna keep reading! I think farting is okay and hilarious especially if its a thing my husband and I don't hide from each other, but don't do it in front of other people. Silly to say, I crack up!
    I always wondered on topics for my blog. There is so much I have to say but never know if it is appropriate or not! This one was a great topic!
    ps....I look forward to following you and reading more!

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  26. My husband does all the time, and so do I. But if you konw it's gonna be a smelly one, you should go in the other room...cause if you cut those loose, so will he. And that is NOT fun.

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  27. Whenever I fart around my boyfriend, he finds it necessary to call me out. Usually I don't care, but he will like yell and his roommates can obviously hear it. In my opinion it's no big deal, but there's no need to call someone out!

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  28. Farts are funny until they stink.

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  29. Before I got married I thought: "I would NEVER EVER 'pass gas' in front of him!" I think we've just gotten so comfortable around one another that things like that don't matter. I worry that I'll forget how to function around other people b/c almost nothing grosses or weirds me out after living with a boy.

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  30. Tooting/farting/making stinky is funny. Period. I teach middle school, so I am an expert. And my hubby and I are the same way. Sometimes I toot in front of him. I try not to, but he NEVER has. He is such a gentleman. Until I call him out when he farts loudly and I hear it across our house.

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  31. Once I start dating someone I tell them to never fart around me! I hate it sooo much; it makes me kind of angry to be honest. But, that doesn't stop boys! I can handle it, but I just don't like it at all.

    All my exbfs have farted in front of me.. but I refuse to ever do that in front of them!

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  32. Epically awesome post, Bonnie. I think when it comes to bodily functions - it depends on the couple. Before we were married - I kept it all in and my tummy hurt a LOT. Once we got married, my husband kinda was surprised. But scientific studies have shown women are more gassy than men. So - toot away, sister. Toot away.

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  33. Love this post Bonnie - a group of friends were just discussing this whole thing the other day.

    I WOULD NEVER fart in front of my husband (or anyone else for that matter) on purpose. Now with saying that, I have been known to "toot and puke" and he has unfortunately witnessed that horrific situation.

    Now, my BFF's boyfriend thinks it ok to fart anywhere and everywhere. I am always offended and near puking each time. Just isn't right. However, if it's tiny and odorless, then it's ok. If not, NO! LOL

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  34. Now, I am not married, I am but living with the boyfriend and we are the same!! I am super super gassy. Whenever I fart (daily) he giggles, pats me on the back, or blames the cat for me. He on the other hand rarely farts, I'm talking like I hear him once every 6 months. I grew up in a family where farting is pretty normal, so I don't really care if it's in the open. Everyone does it. Eventually.

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  35. When my husband and I were dating he would fart CONSTANTLY. I swear. It's actually a side effect of a medication he has to take. I refused to fart in front of him. Refused. After we had been dating about six months he literally offered me several hundred dollars just to let one go. Several months later I finally did, and now I have no shame! He farts so darn much it drives me crazy half the time, but I couldn't be with anyone I didn't feel completely comfortable around. Yes, it's sweet to tame it around your spouse, and sometimes I wish my husband would bring it down a notch, but I would rather that then have him uncomfortable. We both need to be able to just be ourselves with no pressure. Plus, he cracks up hysterically every time I fart like it's the first time he's heard it.

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  36. Siiiigh...i remember when my fur baby kitty was just a baby and well, we would blame all of the cutting cheese stench on him...fast forward to now....well, bodily functions are not sensored between us...oh joy! But i think it definitely makes us more human!

    FART ON!!!

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  37. I love fart/bathroom humor. I think it's totally okay for couples to fart around each other. I also love how you brought up the handicapped parking thing haha

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  38. Hahaha!! My husband always farts around me.. but thankfully he doesn't do it under the covers, or in the car or something. But I never fart in front of him. Even when I was pregnant, and horribly gassy (also lactose intolerant) I always manage to go to the other room first. Mainly, because my husband loves to embarrass me. So I don't want him telling stories at a party or something about one of my farts.

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  39. If you share your life with someone, that's going to involve the good, the bad and the smelly. I want to feel comfortable in my home, and I want my husband to feel the same.

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