The Life of Bon: Happy Anniversary... And how to not kill each other the first year

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Happy Anniversary... And how to not kill each other the first year

March 12, 2011.

The day Hubs and I finally sealed the deal.

I know it's cliche, but seriously, can you even BELIEVE how fast a year flies by?  Half of the time I sit here staring at Hubs and think "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?"

I guess I've learned a thing a two in my marriage adventure.  And you know me, always wanting to share my wisdom with others, I decided to celebrate my anniversary by sharing a few marriage tips.  So buckle up chicas, you're about to learn how to not only survive, but thrive in that first year of matrimony.

1.  You're not always right.  It was a weird day when I realized that I believed something 100% and Hubs believed something else 100% and neither of us were right or wrong, we just believed differently.  The ever present urge to insist that you are right about a certain subject is poison to a marriage.  POISON, I TELL YOU! 

2.  If you're mad/upset/ frustrated, go to sleep.  I know there is the old adage that says "Never go to bed angry" but for Hubs and me, when we try to solve problems late at night it just snowballs into more problems and more disagreements.  The best thing I ever did for me and Hubs was to just go to bed, sleep it off, go to work the next day, and then come home with a clear head to discuss the problem.  Somehow it doesn't seem nearly the "problem" after you've been able to step away from the problem and think about other things all day long.

3.  Say sorry, even if you think you're right.   Saying sorry is not an admission that you are wrong, only an admission that you feel sorry that you have hurt the other's feelings.  Both Hubs and I are sensitive little guys so it definitely can never hurt to be quick to say sorry.

4.  Money doesn't matter.  Don't let that become a major issue in your marriage.  Spend less than you earn, save for a rainy day, and then don't think about it.  I have spent way too much time worrying about budgets, finances, student loans, etc, etc, etc.  When it comes down to it we have food in our stomachs, a place to live, and we have each other. 

5.  Hold hands.  Hubs always holds my hand in public.  If he doesn't, I grab his.  It's interesting what such a small gesture will do- it makes you feel loved, secure, protected. 

6.  If something is bothering you, talk about it.  If it is important to you, then you have to realize that it will be important to your spouse, as well.  Keeping feelings in is only going to result in resentment and one day you're going to explode, girlie, you're just going to explode and that ain't gonna be pretty for any of us to watch.  That being said...

7.  Pick your battles.  Not EVERYTHING needs to be discussed and you don't need to go to the mattresses over every little issue.  Let some things slide.  If you can think to yourself "Is this going to matter in a month?" and the answer is no, then it's probably best to just let that one go.

8.  Do things to surprise each other.  Nothing makes me happier than when Hubs unexpectedly unloads the dishwasher, has dinner ready for me, or buys me my favorite candy bar.  Little things that make the other know that you are thinking about them and can mean alot.  And if you're reading here thinking, "Well, freak, my husband/boyfriend/lover never does any of that stuff for me!" just remember this one word- Karma.  It'll come back to you, I promise.  He'll see your efforts and want to reciprocate.

9.   Be there when the other experiences a great loss/ disappointment/ heartache.  Hubs has been there to hug me and let me cry when I have missed my dad, when I didn't get a job I desperately wanted, when my uncle passed away.  I've been there for him when he didn't get coveted roles in plays, experienced disappointment with friends, and failed biology (Oops!  Sorry Hubs, I didn't mean to let that one slide! )  You've got to stick by their side, no matter the grief or frustration they are experiecing.

10.  Kiss!  Every day.  My dad once told everyone in our church to make sure to kiss for at least ten seconds a day no matter how long you've been married.  Kissing couples stay married and that's the truth.

That's one year in the books.  Here's to 100 more!


  1. Happy Anniversary! Have some cake! :D

  2. Such great advice! I'm glad I'm not the only that prefers to sleep it off when it comes to fighting! It makes it so much easier to fix!

  3. Happy anniversary...and good advice!!

  4. This is a super cute post and I love the advice!

  5. Joyeux anniversaire du mariage!

    I love holding my boyfriend's hand. All the time. I can't get enough of it. If we end up married, I hope I continue my infatuation with hand-holding.

  6. What a gorgeous bride you were! Happy anniversary!

  7. From one married lady to another, this is some of the best advice I've read, ever. Thanks for writing it. Happy first year!!!

  8. Happy Anniversary & congrats!! You definitely gave some amazing advice :)

  9. Love it! You are very wise for your age.

  10. Oh, and I've been thinking about you this weekend... it was just one year ago that I flew all the way from Warsaw by myself to be at your wedding and it was like the funnest weekend of my life... hubby free and kid free! No offense, my dear ones. It's just nice to revert back to the single days every now and then.

  11. Awww, this is a great list! Happy Anniversary! I totes agree with going to sleep if you're angry. Sometimes you just need to sleep it off and get a grip on it in the morning when your mind is fresh!

    Such a cute blog! You're adorable!

    Along Abbey Road

  12. Happy Anniversary!! Great advice : )

  13. Happy Anniversary and here's to 100 more to come! You too are so adorable :)

    Thanks for the tips - good to be reminded of them every now and again - especially the "choose your battles part" ;)


  14. Happy Anniversary! Great advice!

  15. Hope you guys have a fun anniversary! I agree with all of your advice...even if I don't always follow it what I know to be true ; )

  16. Happy Anniversary! I loved your tips. I think it was super hard to realize that neither of us are right, when we both feel differently, that is an important one!

  17. Happy Anniversary!
    And amen on the going to sleep thing. I swear, that's the number one thing that helps us stay sane. Sometimes you just need to sleep on it!
    Such good tips!

  18. Yay for our Anniversaries being the same day!! Hope you and your hubby have a wonderful day!!!! Heres to an Eternity!!!


  19. Happy anniversary! You two are so great together, and I love the advice, couldn't agree more! Especially with the hand holding.

  20. what a great post! all of these are so true and something we learned too =)

  21. Happy your advice and i do believe that kissing couples stay married too ;)

    By the way...your blog is adorable :)

  22. I feel like such a stalker haha but I love your blog and words of advice. This is great. After three years of marriage, it still holds true and will forever and ever! I love the candy bar tip, my husband does that and it always makes me smile.

  23. I ABSOLUTELY love number three and it works so well for me and my Mister!!!

  24. I recently married my own ginger on September 7th of this year. Aren't they the best?
    I recently stumbled across your blog from a friend and now it's safe to say that I am hooked!