The Life of Bon: George Castanza and Hubs, together at last

Thursday, March 01, 2012

George Castanza and Hubs, together at last

Did you hear?

THIS guy was in town this week.

GEORGE's real name is JASON ALEXANDER.  But who in their right mind would ever want to call him Jason when you can call him GEORGE CASTANZA?
GEORGE CASTANZA was teaching workshops to the theatre department at UVU.
HUBS is a theatre major at UVU.
GEORGE CASTANZA was to be workshopping HUBS.
HUBS cordially invited ME to attend his workshop with GEORGE CASTANZA.  As long as I was on good behavior and didn't embarrass him, that is. 

I rushed from my school to be at the theatre by 4:00 on Tuesday.  I hustled my butt to the UVU theatre, ran to the bathroom to change my shirt because it had diet coke all over it, (but that's an entirely different story now, isn't it?) and was ready to see Hubs do his oh-so-ever-important scene in front of GEORGE CASTANZA in record time!

I was seconds away from entering the theatre when I saw an interesting sign on the door.

"Please wait until the next scene is over before you enter.  We are doing very important workshop shenanigans in here and if you have the nerve to think even for one second that you can enter mid scene, you are wrong!  You are not so important to interrupt the oh so famous GEORGE CASTANZA so don't you dare even try!"

Or something along those lines.

The normal Bonnie would have just charged into the theatre regardless, but because I love Hubs and he doesn't like it when I think I'm the exception to every rule and he definitely doesn't like it when I barge in on George Castanza mid scene, I resigned myself to defeat and sat down on a nearby chair.  (Can you handle that run on sentence?  Very few can.)  Also, I remembered I had promised good behavior, and I was quite certain that if I came bursting onto the scene (no pun intended!) and interrupted GEORGE CASTANZA Hubs would prohibit me from ever seeing a famous person again.  And we wouldn't want that now, would we?

So I sat. 

After about two minutes of this chair sitting charade I was growing impatient.  What if Hubs was performing right this very moment in front of GEORGE CASTANZA and I was missing it?!?!  I decided to take matters into my own hands and have a little chat up with the usher.  "Hey!  Do you know if Greg has done his scene yet?"  I yelled across the lobby none too quietly.

"SHHHHHHH!!!!"  The usher shush shushed me.  Ushers are always doing that, you know.  It's their job so you can't get mad at them for it, you just got to accept that's the way they are.  "He's doing his scene right now."

I was crushed.  Dejected.  The usher must have seen my face fall because he approached me and mumbled something indecipherable.  "WHAT?"  I demanded.  "

"Do you want me to let you in and you can just stand in the back and watch him?" He whispered.
It is my hope that one day we will all meet a heavenly usher.  This was the day I met mine. 

"I'll let you in, but you can't tell a soul that I did.  I'll get in huge trouble." (Ushers take their commitments to GEORGE CASTANZA very seriously, don't you know?)
"Oh yes, of course I understand," I replied, "I promise I shant ever tell a soul."
(Oh, please, like the INTERNET counts as people...)

I snuck in, quiet as a mouse, creeped along that wall and sat inconspicuously in an empty chair in the corner.  No one had noticed my entrance, that's how stinking furtive I was. (Fast fact: Furtive is a sophomore vocabulary word.  It means sneaky.  But it's a big word so people think you're smart.  Afterall, that is why we use big words is it not????)  I took my seat and looked up to see, literally feet away from me GEORGE CASTANZA standing on stage with HUBS.  GEORGE was telling Hubs that he was doing everything wrong, wrong, wrong.  He made Hubs do the line about a million times over and over and Hubs was getting stressed you could tell, but oh boy, he handled it like a champ!

And while we are on the topic of GEORGE CASTANZA, let me just tell you that he looks skinnier than he used to.  And he has more hair.  And he doesn't have glasses anymore.  Basically he somehow grew ten years younger in the ten years that Seinfeld has been off the air, and how he did that is a mystery to us all, I tell you, a mystery!

Naturally, I started snapping pictures right and left with my inconspicuous camera phone.  Nobody could even hear it click, and I had struck pure George Castanza picture taking gold!  After twenty minutes of this, Usher #2 approached me and said, "Please ma'am you cannot take pictures.  Don't get mad at me, I don't want you to feel bad, we just can't allow anyone to take pictures because UVU doesn't want them to end up all over the internet."  He was a very kind usher, not quite heavenly like the other one, but kind nonetheless.

I said yes, of course, I understand, I'm sorry for taking the pictures and I shall never dream of posting these pictures on the internet!
(Oh come on, this doesn't count as the internet, this is a blog! There is a difference, people!) 

I told you George looks younger.  Hubs is in the brown shirt. 
He doesn't look it in this picture, but he was SWEATING BULLETS! 

Good old GEORGE CASTANZA grilled Hubs and Hubs' partner on all their acting techniques for three quarters of an hour and finally the scrutiny was over, and let me just tell you this.

I was impressed. 

And I am not impressed easily. 

GEORGE CASTANZA really knew his stuff!  The man was insightful, he was smart, he was funny.  I guess you could say he is a lot like me.   If you think George Castanza is just some funny guy who cracks jokes at Kramer's expense, you have got it ALL WRONG, my friend.  He knows his playwrights like the back of his hand, he w well read on Shakespeare, and he even accurately predicted all of our futures.
Okay the last part was a lie, but you get the gist.

The guy is good.

Now... if I can just get ELAINE to teach me how to dance, my life will be complete.


  1. This entry is made if 14,000 different kinds of win.

  2. George Castanza gave your husband acting lessons!? Now your husband is practically famous :)

    Glad the usher let you in, such a cool thing to get to see!


  3. That is the coolest thing EVER! He was having conversations with someone famous, I can't even imagine how awesome that would be! :)

  4. That doesn't even look like the same George I remember! WOW! Your husband must have been beside himself! Oh, and just so you know, I would have taken pictures, too!

  5. You are all sorts of awesome, and I'm uber-jealous of both you & your hubby.

  6. how cool for your hubby to get lessons from an awesome actor and happy the usher let you in

  7. WOW what an amazing opportunity for your husband! crazy cool. :)

  8. That is so awesome that your hubs can officially say he worked with George. Because in real life, all that matters is if you know someone and now he and george are probably bff's. Also my sister in law dances exactly like Elaine. I can set up an appointment if you'd like to learn :)

  9. Wowza! That sounds so cool, Steve is uber jealous.Rx